


The Loyalties We Nurture

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Be Gentle With Me, Ben Solo Pain Train, Descriptive Smut, F/M, Hux is being an asshole, M/M, Plenty of Sass, Reylo - Freeform, Second Chances, Shit Storm of the Century, Slow Burn, it might hurt a little, prepare yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:30:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 86,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “No.” He choked, falling to his knees by her side and gripping her face with his hands. “Wake up! Open your eyes, Rey!” He roared, shrouding her with his body and smoothing his hands desperately across her forehead and cheeks. “No, no, NO!” He shouted again slamming his fist into the space above her head. But her eyes remained closed so lightly that you might have thought she was just resting. So beautiful and broken, and ruined because of him. He had done it. How could he have done it? With his very own hands…He ripped off his glove and placed his hand gently on her cheek while he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” And he could still hear her voice, driving blow after blow into his breaking heart.Ben. Ben. Ben…





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Wolves by Down Like Silver***

Hux gazed over the city of Coruscant as the sun rose, the golden tint of the reflective buildings shining in his beady cruel eyes as he looked upon the newborn day with a sick fervor that seeped into the surrounding air like black tar. He had already doned his impeccably pressed uniform, with the exception of his cap, which he held gently over his heart. The city had only just begun to stir as early risers took to the skies and the lowly citizens of the underworld far below him scuttled like ants with no decipherable direction.  
"How many do you presume will attend?" The General said quietly, managing to make even a faint murmur sound snide and demanding.  
The officer behind him paled as he blinked out of his own personal revere, "Sir?"  
"I said," Hux turned sharply, "How many do you presume will attend this mornings proceedings. I do not wish to repeat myself again Lieutenant." He spat, leveling his eyes dangerously at the older man, lending a disgusted glance at the flush that crept up his cheeks and settled under his fearful eyes.  
"Absolutely sir, my sincere apologies, sir. The venue will undoubtedly be flush with citizens from all over the galaxy. The public seems very eager for the execution... sir." The lieutenant blurted, eager to relieve some of the tension in the room.  
Hux seemed pleased at this, letting a wicked grin creep into his thin lips.  
For those who had never met him in person, Armitage Hux seemed almost laughable. To a foolish eye he appeared greasy and unhealthy; his fiery red hair slicked sharply under his cap appearing hard to the touch. Hux was not a particularly short man, but his sallow cheeks and narrow chest gave the illusion of frailty. His appearance and demeanor suggested a much older man, when in reality the General was merely in his twenties. Yes, a foolish eye would see something akin to a rabid dog. Meanwhile a smarter individual would see the sadistic venom in the man’s eyes, and an overwhelming capability for cruelty. They would have a concept of the blood lust that brewed beneath the surface and the hateful determination that he held close like a lover. A disturbing amount of people did not know what a conniving bastard the General was, and unfortunately they were all about to become fearfully intimate with his sick and twisted motives.  
All was ready, Hux's underlings made sure of that. The location was a mid-level platform encircled by large semi-circular towers. Each structure was dozens of stories tall and equipped with plush seats and large monitors to provide a closer look at the happenings below. Most of these seats were reserved for only the most elite and powerful members of the First Order, primarily the higher ranking officers and their families. Almost every chancellor, dignitary, senator, and representative in the nearby star systems would be attending the event personally. The others would be watching it live as it would be broadcasted far and wide. This aspect was particularly important to Hux, he wanted the entire galaxy's undivided attention as he personally cut the head off the snake. He wanted the gruesome scene to reach every corner of the universe, he wanted the worthless dogs of the crippled Resistance to behold his power and feel the fear strike their very hearts. He hoped everyone was watching: everyone who admired him and everyone who despised him, he wanted them all to watch as he rightfully became the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He hoped that scavenger trash would be watching and understand that she was next, the same sentiment for that delusional general of theirs. Leia Organa and that sand rat might even be lucky enough to die side by side.  
Hux himself would perform the execution; he had decided that from the very beginnings of his long and meticulous plan. For three years he toyed with the pawns on the board, tweaking things and cultivating rumors and distrust. He did his own digging of course. Hux carefully gathered his evidence, ordering it and reordering it like a puzzle until finally he created a complete picture. With the intentions of the devil and the patience of a saint, Armitage shattered the entire First Order from the inside out with the hopes of rebuilding it like a phoenix from the ashes. He rushed nothing and spared no expense, every single step he took was vital and a misstep would be catastrophic to his plan. He was even hesitant to celebrate his latest victory, deciding that the time for congratulations would come rightfully after he secured his position at the top. He desired nothing less, he didn’t falter once.  
The sun crept higher up in the sky and time inched closer and closer to the beginning of Hux’s big moment. An hour before the start, people were already pouring into every single space with a view of the platform. Those who couldn’t reach a more desired vantage point huddled around monitors in cantinas and houses. These large groups of people demonstrated perhaps one of the only mistakes in the General’s plan. The crowd was not eager or joyful, they were not relieved or thirsting for justice. The general public was unexpectedly grim with the knowledge that they would soon officially be under the thumb of such a vengeful leader. The people felt no happiness, they just felt a collective sense of unease and anxiety.  
A hush fell across the enormous city block as the general stepped out onto the platform, crisply folding his hands behind his back and tilting his chin upwards. A dark storm brewed above them, as if responding directly to the evil intent that plagued the event. The General took a small moment to look over his audience with a confident smirk before his voice began to boom over the loud speakers, signaling the beginning of his brief speech.  
“Citizens of Coruscant. Citizens of the galaxy. All of who are moments away from witnessing a blessed exchange of power through rightful justice. No longer will you want for redemption, and no longer will you live in confusion. Today dawns the age of clarity where we will extend our power to all reaches of our galaxy. Today we will begin to cleanse the galaxy of the worthless, today is the day we begin to eradicate those without faith, and those who are weak. Today… will live in infamy. Please, bring out our prisoner.” Hux ended his speech excitedly and all eyes turned towards hulking figure that was being half-dragged up onto the large platform.  
His long legs fought for purchase on the smooth surface as several armed guards prodded him with guns and dragged him by the fabric covering his shoulders. He was unceremoniously thrown to his knees at the feet of the General, his head bowed under the fabric of the black bag covering his face. Hux roughly gripped the top of the hood with one gloved hand, purposefully ripping it off in such a way that the wearers head jerked back violently.  
The crowd gasped, not by surprise of whose face was under the hood, but by the state of him. Something in the crowd shifted uncomfortably as they witnessed the powerful looking broken.  
“Kylo Ren. Former Master of the Knights of Ren. You are hereby charged with treason upon the Order that you serve. The nature of your acts allows no trial, and your guilt is irrefutable. The punishment deemed appropriate for your tyranny has been chosen. Kylo Ren, formerly known as Ben Solo, you will die by lethal injection.” Another ripple shook the crowd. The execution method was insanely unorthodox. All public executions were performed by firing squad or a single shot to the head. In some odd cases, the executioner would use a sword. The city trembled with startled whispers and wary glances back up at the prone kneeling form of one of the most dangerous men in the galaxy.  
Hux knew what he was doing. He refused to grant Ren a peaceful death. More common means of death were too quick, too painless. Hux wanted to watch as Kylo Ren died gruesomely, he wanted to see as he writhed on the floor and revel in the moments where the light would slowly fade out of his eyes. Slowly, the Lieutenant approached with a velvet box with an open lid containing one very large syringe filled with a green-tinged solution.  
Still kneeling, Kylo straightened his back and faced straight ahead, his lips thinning into a defiant line. He was filthy, dressed in a ragged cream-colored tunic and loose grey pants. He was allowed no shoes and months of frequent starvation and extended periods of torture had left him unbelievably thin. His lip was busted from a fresh kick to the face as he was dragged out of his cell and bruises littered his head and neck. Suddenly, the huge scar that bisected his entire face seemed significantly less severe, not to mention it was the only injury on his face that wasn’t dealt by Armitage Hux. He sucked in a painful breath, feeling the twinge of the broken ribs that had never quite gotten a chance to heal. Hux was undoubtedly a fan of kicking him while he was down. There were dark circles under his glassy crazed eyes and his dark tangled hair was plastered to his forehead. Fever ravaged his body, many of his bones were broken, and he was knelt in front of a bloodthirsty maniac with a syringe full of poison. Things were definitely not looking good.  
Kylo was no stranger to pain and suffering. He was also no stranger to poison. His former master relished in mental and physical torture. Kylo Ren had been poisoned numerous times only to be retrieved from the brink of death and poisoned once more. He had suffered worse, and he had suffered for longer periods of time. But he had never been tortured with such hatred. Supreme Leader Snoke used pain as a tool, the hurt he inflicted was meant to wear Kylo down into more pliable material. But Hux just wanted him to die. Hux took a disgusting satisfaction in every punch, and kick, and electric shock. He had gathered an entire team to design Force inhibiting shackles to ensure that Ren was defenseless.  
Now, seconds away from his death he didn’t bother to recollect on his life or his crimes. He deserved to die and he knew it, he just thought his end would come at the hands of an angry scavenger and the sapphire blade of her weapon. In fact, this would have been a more fitting way to meet his maker, but here he was with Hux’s venomous needle inches away from the bare skin of his neck.  
Hux bent at the knees a little to peer more steadily into his face. “Kylo Ren, I hope you feel the blood curdle in your veins. And before your body even stops twitching, I will begin combing every inch of the galaxy for that little whore of yours and I’ll run her through with her own lightsaber.” Kylo grimaced and Hux straightened himself, leveling the needle once again towards Ren’s jugular and slowly pressing it into the skin.  
As the poison filled his veins, Kylo could hear nothing but the ringing in his ears and his own ragged breathing. As his eyes rolled back and he fell to his side, all he could think of were the beaches of Naboo and the rolling ocean that he found in the scavenger’s mind.  
Somewhere far away on the other side of the galaxy, Rey of Jakku screamed and crumpled to the floor, seizing for what felt like hours until she too was sucked under by the waves of darkness.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***The World At Large by Modest Mouse***

It took two weeks for Rey’s vitals to stabilize. For the first six days nobody left her side, the doctors in the MedBay grimly stated that her heart was beating too slowly to live until morning. But each morning she was still alive, if only barely. Even with that, her health seemed to deteriorate just as quickly as it improved. Everyone was perplexed, they were completely baffled by the series of events that led them all to be crowded around a cot and fearing that every hour might be Rey’s last. The doctors analyzed every inch of her looking for some kind of clue as to what it was that was killing her.  
They found nothing. Every body-scan presented the same lack of information: theoretically speaking, Rey should be perfectly healthy. Yet she was still completely unresponsive. Finn and Poe sat on either side of her, holding her hands and trying to develop theories that would explain her symptoms.  
“I’m just saying she fell at the same time as Ren. Maybe it’s some Force voodoo that we don’t know about.” Poe whispered urgently, gesturing wildly with the one hand that wasn’t entwined with Rey’s.  
“Poe…” Finn gave him an exasperated glance and shook his head. “Don’t you think Rey would have told us if something like that was going on? And even if it’s true then Rey’s still in a coma and Ren…” A look of horror flitted across his face and he turned to the older woman in the corner of the room.  
“I’m so sorry General.” Finn whispered.  
Leia’s tough facade didn’t budge as she made her way to Finn and put her hand on his shoulder, “There’s nothing wrong with the truth, Finn. You boys go get some rest, I can take the next shift.” Neither of the boys argued, but they did reluctantly part from their friend, smiling sadly as they moved past Leia and out the door of the MedBay.  
She stood there looking at the young woman from a distance for a moment. Rey looked so small and helpless in the massive recovery cot. Her strong suntanned arms looked unusually pale in the dull glow of the room and her long brunette hair had been pulled haphazardly into a knotted bun to keep it out of the way. Leia couldn’t do much to help Rey, but she definitely knew a thing or two about hair.  
“What in the hell have we gotten ourselves into, kiddo?” Leia mumbled as she pulled out the elastics from Rey’s chestnut waves and combed her fingers through it. “I used to run my fingers through Ben’s hair when he was little. Knocked him out cold every time.” Leia smiled sadly as she gently styled Rey’s hair into a delicately braided up-do. “Don’t you dare tell him I told you that.”  
With that statement the reality of the situation finally hit home in her heart with a crushing blow. He was groomed to be a killer, the most lethal weapon possessed by the foot soldiers of the First Order. Nonetheless, he was her son, her only child. She had lost her entire family, Luke and Han had been gone a few years now but could she handle losing her child on top of that? Even Rey, who she regarded as one of her own, was hanging on by a thread. In the privacy of the quiet room, Leia Organa let herself cry.  
Eventually, she withdrew her hands from Rey’s hair and placed them gently in her own lap. She closed her eyes and gently reached out with the Force in search of something, anything. She felt the soft gold glow of Rey’s force signature nearby, faint but solid. With that parcel of comfort, she pulled back and opened her eyes again.  
“I have my suspicions, Rey. I don’t know much about your connection to my son but I hope you’ll come back to us soon so you can tell me.” She squeezed the young girls small hand and returned to her seat in the corner.

When Rey closed the door of the Falcon that terrible day on Crait, she had every single intention of destroying the bond, or at least shutting him out until the bond was weak. And she did for the most part. It seemed like they were both on the same page about ignoring each other and for almost a year they shut each other out so efficiently that one could almost forget that it was even there.  
But someone once wise once said “That’s not how the Force works!” And the universe has a tricky way of turning the cogs that wont turn themselves. The Force grew restless and uncomfortable with the silence between them, and was inevitably forced to relieve the tension. Slowly, it chiseled at both the barriers that they had built in their minds, eventually creating a very small hole in the walls they had slowly strengthened over the course of a year. This small crack in their mental resolve was almost completely imperceptible to those who weren’t looking, and Ben and Rey were definitely not looking. But in the night hours when they drifted off to sleep, they begun to unintentionally slip the small tendrils of their minds outwards into oblivion, gently searching in the dark for the string that attached them. For months they unknowingly searched for peace within each other, the Last Jedi and the Jedi Killer. The dark bled into the light and the light bled into the dark, creating a large grey scale spectrum inside their minds.  
From the darkness Rey gained a relentless passion. She desired to be the strongest and the fastest; she wanted to pick up the slack that was left from the death of her Master. Rey spent long tiresome hours in the training room, building her strength and practicing her form until she could barely walk. She would lie on the floor giving herself honest critiques, and just as soon rise again to try once more. Rey also unconsciously borrowed some of Ben’s knowledge on lightsabers, working tirelessly to rebuild hers. An object in the force called to her from lightyears away and she followed it to Tattoine without hesitation. Somehow she knew that the planet held the secret to fixing her shattered weapon. What she found was the severely damaged lightsaber of Obi Wan Kenobi. It was set carefully on a table, with significantly less dust on it than all the other items in the small hut. If Rey had to guess, she would say that someone had returned it to its owner’s home long after it was abandoned. This struck her as odd, but she wasted no time harvesting the crystal and hurrying back to their temporary Resistance Base on Endor. Deep in the forest of the lush green planet, Rey sat cross-legged in a small clearing, surrounded by the parts and pieces necessary for her new weapon. With her hands extended in front of her she called upon some deep part of her that knew more or less what to do. Hours of concentration later, a small click jerked her out of her meditation and on the ground in front of her was not one lightsaber but two, fixed together in the middle to create her own saber staff. She gently grasped it in her hands, tilting it this way and that and spinning the hilt in slow circles to test the perfect balance on both ends. She ignited it and gazed admiringly at the pure white stream that pulsed out of both ends gently like water. She stood like that for a long time, reveling in the feeling that a piece of her body had just been restored.  
Ben, on the other hand, gained a surprising amount of Rey’s patience. Though his temper was still violent and erratic, he regained the ability to meditate and work in harmony with the Force. Her serenity and good heartedness soothed his ruthless demeanor slightly, resulting in far less destroyed equipment from his tantrums, to the relief of the mechanics on board. Kylo Ren, feared leader of the Knights of Ren, even made a friend (or more of a comrade in his seething hated of General Hux, but it was surprising nonetheless). The Lieutenant was an older man, having seen many wars and served for many cruel men. Ben Solo had a nonexistent list of people he considered “friends” but he didn’t absolutely despise Lieutenant Daun Serah’s existence.  
The feeling was almost mutual. The Lieutenant developed a grave respect for Kylo Ren, never forgetting that he was a loose cannon but also never discrediting that his intentions as a whole were to create a thriving government, even if his tact had been skewed by his infamous Master. Serah had seen many things in his long life. He had met many people and spent a large amount of his time serving the Order. After all these years, he was not wholly loyal to the vision of the First Order any longer. He was simply too far in to escape. And unbeknownst to anyone, Serah secretly assessed that he and Kylo Ren had a striking amount of similarities regarding their loyalties.  
Entire years passed with this subtle give and take of light and dark, and somehow neither one suspected the source of their changing behaviors. They similarly chalked it up to a certain maturity that comes with partaking in such violence.  
Until one night, about two months after Hux’s mutiny and Kylo Ren’s imprisonment, Rey felt a startling amount of pain from Kylo’s side of the bond. Suddenly, the walls crumbled and she found Kylo’s unconscious mind vulnerable to her prying. As she skimmed the surface, the Force yanked her projected form through space and into a small cell aboard a hulking ship.  
Before her lie an unconscious Ben, presumably blacked out from the pain. He lay broken and crumpled against the cement walls, his shackles gauging bloody lines into his wrists. She took quick inventory of his many wounds, searching for the source of the shocking pain that had radiated to her end of the bond. She found a punctured lung, result of one of his six broken ribs shifting to wreak havoc on his body. Her stomach churned and her head spun. Why was Kylo Ren beaten and bloodied upon his own ship?  
She didn’t think twice before kneeling beside him and raising both of her hands to hover over his chest. She held her breath as she called upon the force to fix the broken organ, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t wake him up. Her ability to heal with the Force was freshly discovered that same year, and her inexperience required a lot of focus to fix such a fatal injury. She worked for what felt like hours, until she felt his breath steady and the rib click back into place. She fixed the deep cuts around his wrists for good measure, knowing from personal experience that they would never heal on their own as long as he was apprehended. She straightened and slowly stood back up, quietly observing his propped up form that had fallen into a restless sleep. Rey felt the gentle pull of the Force alerting her that it was time to return. Before she left, she used the last of her energy to place a hand gently on his forehead and nudge him into a dreamless sleep. She couldn’t do much to relieve him of the obvious hell he would continue to face, but she could grant him at least a few hours of peace.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Cold World by Brennan Savage***

Hux had refused the decision to incinerate the body. He had learned that the burning of a Force Sensitive was an old Jedi tradition. He decided that Ren did not deserve an something that was once deemed honorable. He would be disposed of like trash, shot deep into space where his body would quickly dehydrate and disintegrate. Hux imagined that this would be a fitting finale for such a petulant and irritating thorn in his side.

Shortly after the conclusion of the public execution, he made a show of dragging the body off of the platform and continuing his moment in the spotlight. As the crowd dispersed and the new Supreme Leader eventually boarded the Successor once more, he had the body moved to the bowls of the ship. 

“Lieutenant.” He barked smugly, not even bothering to face the man, “Dispose of that garbage. I have a scavenger to hunt.”

“Yes sir.” Serah said, giving a salute to Hux’s back and turning sharply on his heel to exit the bridge. As soon as he crossed the threshold the final piece of his stupid, stupid plan was underway. 

Hux was not the only one who had been scheming, you see. Right under his nose, Daun Serah had been formulating a reckless and fatal plan. A plan with slim chances of working which would most definitely result in Serah’s own death if he did manage to succeed. As a man that was constantly nearby and unnoticed, he quietly gathered Intel. He was the only being in the universe who caught wind of Hux’s plan to publicly poison Ren, and Daun Serah just so happened to specialize in poisoned weapons during his days as a civilian. His father had been an incredible blacksmith, and Serah was determined to make his fathers weapons even more powerful. The deadlier the tool, the more money they sold for. His extensive knowledge of creating these deadly weapons made him an expert of sorts. What were the odds of this coincidence? Serah did not bother to question it, instead he insisted that General Hux utilize his expertise to kill Ren.

From then on the pieces fell into place. He heard about Hux’s refusal to incinerate the body and from then on a dangerous plan began to formulate in his head. Daun Serah could hardly believe that he was going to attempt save the life of one of the most hated men in the entire galaxy. It was a risky plan, and almost completely impossible. The chances of things working in his favor were slim to none, and if he were somehow found out, he would be put to death immediately. 

As Daun hurried down the corridors and elevators and stairs to the very bottom of the massive ship, his heart was pounding extremely hard but his resolve was growing. This was his civil duty, this was the debt he owed to the galaxy for being part of the misguided Order that had wreaked such havoc and caused so much death. Hux was extremely underestimated but virtually unstoppable after the largest power play in the history of the First Order. As far as he knew there were only two people who could possibly muster up the collective power to bring Hux down. Gods above, Serah himself could not. He couldn’t rely on the scavenger; he heard whispers that she matched Kylo in power, gifting him with a horrendous scar as she bested him in combat. But of course Serah couldn’t rely on her. He knew that if he attempted to contact the Resistance in search of her, his information would never be trusted and his actions would be fruitless. It caused him great anxiety that the hope of the galaxy would be placed in the hands of a scavenger and a murderer.

Serah had created one demon of a poison. Half of it was composed of a lethal poison extracted from a certain amphibian, native to the forests of Drongar. The other half was significantly trickier to find. Luckily to happened to cross paths with a trader who carried a single vial of it when they landed planet-side on Kashyyk in search of a hidden Resistance base. This particular poison sent waves and waves of electric shock through any organic material. It was unique in the fact that it was broken down extremely slowly, remaining the system weeks and weeks after death. Obviously the shocks were potentially deadly beating heart, but Serah hypothesized that the electricity conducted in a dead body would do two things: continue to send makeshift signals up the spinal chord and into the brain to prevent total brain death, and possibly shock the heart into beating again. This was all hypothetical, in reality Serah had no idea if it would actually work, but it was quite likely the only possible way to revive Kylo after a very public execution. Technically, Hux would succeed in killing him, but he would fail at keeping him dead. Daun smiled inwardly at the thought. 

Obvously there were many challenges. The first being that Serah couldn’t just send him unprotected into space because Kylo would disintegrate almost immediately. This meant that Serah would have to somehow stuff the enormous man into a small escape pod and launch him out into dead space, praying to the Gods that he blended in with the garbage that the ship released every day. Of course another large problem was that the shocks wouldn’t work and everything he had done was for nothing. 

Regardless, Serah had prepared enough rations and water to last him exactly three months. Another problem had presented itself just weeks before the execution, and the Lieutenant could hardly believe that he hadn’t thought of it. Kylo’s unconscious body would obviously lack the ability to provide itself with nutrients, so it was possible he would perish in the many weeks it would take for the shocks to restart his heart. It was extremely challenging to steal enough IV fluid and set up a drip inside of the chosen escape pod, but Serah managed. He also had no idea if this would work, he was no doctor but at least it was something. 

Serah reached entered the small door the led small morgue where the body was located. One look at the body sent an unpleasant shiver down his spine, through all his planning he didn’t realize how truly disturbing this all was. The clock had started ticking the moment he walked in this room. If he were missing too long, Hux would become suspicious. He pulled a small device from his pocket and clicked it. This would freeze the cameras in the outside when they were empty so nobody in the security room would see him wheel the body into the pod room down the hall. 

He quickly gripped the metal handle of the gurney and shoved it out the door, his breath coming out in small nervous bursts. Luckily, the hallway was still empty as he entered the pod room. He slammed the release and the door swished open. It was roomier than the one-person pods, but it was still cramped with the rations and the makeshift IV set up. As Serah went to lift the body off the metal surface, he had totally underestimated the larger man’s weight. He immediately dropped him and Kylo landed with a loud thump.

“Oh GODS.” Daun whispered, opting to drag Kylo by his wrists in the pod. This was much more effective, even if the Lieutenant had to tuck his incredibly long legs to ensure that the door would close. The last thing Serah did was attatch the IV and step back.

“I did this for the sake of the galaxy. Gods help you make the right choice, Kylo Ren.” Lieutenant Daun Serah muttered under his breath as the door hissed shut and he slammed his hand on the release. 

As Kylo Ren’s body drifted into dead space, Serah exited the pod room and returned to the morgue. He unfroze the cameras and walked back out of the room and back towards the bridge, where he would act as if nothing happened.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Nara by Alt-J***

Flashes of light passed behind Rey’s eyelids, so quickly she couldn’t decipher an image or even a color. She couldn’t recall the last time she sensed anything but darkness. In fact, she was mostly unaware of anything. Her mind drifted in the emptiness, feeling and seeing nothing. Rey couldn’t remember much. In her small moments of awareness she had no memory of anything outside of her life on Jakku. In her coma, Rey was only a scavenger.

She had not lost her memories, they were very real in her mind. But they were all locked away tight. It was the Force’s way of protecting her life. A power unlike anything interfered with Rey’s consciousness before her body even hit the floor on the day of the execution. Force bonds were extremely fickle, and also very rare. They were so rare that any documented information had most likely been turned to dust hundreds and hundreds of years ago. One could only hypothesize how the bond would react in different situations. 

Nobody knew for sure what would happen if the bond were severed. It was unknown if the other could survive it when the fabric of their existence was torn completely in half. But one could assume it would be absolutely excruciating. Rey only felt a fraction of the pain. She watched the needle enter his skin, and felt for herself the white-hot flames that began to simmer across every inch of her skin. This was the pain that caused her to crumple but she was unconscious and completely numb before her body even hit the floor. The pieces of her consciousness that were constantly reaching for Ben retracted quickly as if they had been burned and the most basic instinctual part of her shielded her from the onslaught that was to come. Rey didn’t feel when Ben’s heart stopped beating, if she did it would have torn her mind to shreds. The loss would have been the equivalent of ripping out her entire spine. That was the extent of her attachment to Ben Solo. 

Not even Rey knew the how deep the bond was rooted inside of them, crafted by the very fiber of the force that made up the essence of the universe. 

The Force itself cradled her consciousness, her only connection to the living world and the only thing that kept her heart beating. She wasn’t allowed conscious thought, and she was kept from her memories of him for good measure. But now, after what felt like eternity she roused slowly. She was not yet out of her coma; she could feel the lack of attachment and her lack of capacity for consciousness. But her brain was flipping through every second of her remembered life. She felt a steady ache in her chest and extremities, it was akin to the feeling of moving after you’ve been immobile for far too long. Even this miniscule amount of brain movement was impossible. It should have been impossible. Yet she stirred in the blackness, her mind reaching with the Force as she searched for something she could not find. She was not discouraged, instead allowing her light to drift peacefully, and for the first time in nearly three weeks, Rey of Jakku dreamt. 

 

***

Rey knelt in the dark pool, her hands resting gently in her lap with her palms facing upwards. She embodied serenity, her Force signature radiated peace. The gentle features of her face held no tension, and her delicate eyebrows were tilted slightly upwards in a somewhat angelic expression. 

“Child.”

Rey turned her face to look over her shoulder towards the direction of the bodiless voice. It was deep but soft, neither feminine nor masculine, and something in the back of her brain told her the voice did not come from the surrounding air, but from the depths of her mind. Over her bare shoulder she saw a soft grey light emanating from the center of the black water. She turned and crawled towards it, peering down into the light, once again sitting back onto her heels with her neck bowed. 

“Rey with no surname. Created among the heat and the sand, drifter from nowhere. Child of the light. The balm of the dark.” The voice spoke, this time the sound emanated from inside the soft glow of the water. Rey said nothing, she simply waited patiently for the voice to speak again.

“Although you have been unaware of your own destruction, you have been also been saved from your fate. Be grateful, Rey of Jakku. Your life will continue as it should have.” It murmured whilst radiating warmth.

“I did not realize I had died.” Rey said, her voice almost lost in the empty darkness.

“No child, you have populated the space between life and death for far too long.”

“I did not realize I had been hurt either.” Rey answered sheepishly, almost ashamed of her ignorance.

“To no fault of yours, child. The ways of the Force are mysterious, the will of it unknown. You were hurt by association, damaged beyond comprehension by something much more complex than a creature. Your body has become weak, but you abilities will only become stronger.”

Rey was silent for a moment before she responded tentatively, “I do not understand.”

“Small scavenger, chosen by the universe, hand stitched into the fabric of another being. Do not be afraid. You are one with the force and the force is with you. You will know what to do.” With that the edges of the dream frayed giving way to a bright white light that slowly drifted into a soft pink. She heard the monitors around her increase in their tempo as she slowly opened her eyes. Rey turned her head to a wide-eyed Leia and a shell-shocked Poe. So many things flickered through her mind but only one word came to her lips.

“Ben.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Gravity by EDEN***

Of all the things in the world that didn’t make sense, this took the cake. Kylo Ren awoke several times before he actually opened his eyes. He hardly had any concept of time but he presumed he had been lying in that same spot for an ungodly amount of time. 

I am dead.

All things considered, death seemed considerably more vivid than he had imagined. He simply presumed that this was the small journey in between the physical world and whatever place irredeemable assholes go after they die. Maybe he would atone for his sins by floating in an isolated escape pod for the rest of eternity. He chuckled to himself. Fitting. He always assumed that death would just be nothingness, but how was he to know? He had never actually met someone who was dead. 

A few fairly important memories popped into his head, the most important of them being the one where he was injected with poison in front of almost every single eye in the galaxy. That seemed like a fairly important memory. He recalled absolutely nothing afterwards, which made sense since he had literally died. The other memories were of prison cells and broken ribs. Wouldn’t it have been grand if Hux were to have accidently killed him before his execution date? As Kylo recalled he almost did. One night he had been kicked in the chest so many times that one of his ribs actually dislodged and poked an entire hole in his lung. Dark spots grew steadily in his vision and he didn’t pass out long after Hux had clipped out of his cell. 

That night Kylo had an unusually pleasant rest, it was the most sleep he had gotten in months, and when he awoke his lungs were both in working order and curiously enough, the deep cuts from his shackles were erased. He raised an eyebrow at the cured flesh around his wrists and mouthed the word “scavenger”. It was almost a comfort to know that the bond was still working. Although his walls had been erected sturdily for years, he sometimes wondered when their paths would cross again. He knew that the little scavenger would be a formidable opponent by now. In fact, he was quite sure that she would be the one to put him down. Kylo recalled having this same thought moments before that slimy weasel stabbed him in the neck. 

His heart pricked uncomfortably thinking of Rey. If he was dead then where was she? Did she survive it when the bond was severed? Did she watch the execution? He set his lips in a hard line, it was probably the best day in her sad little scavenger life. He contemplated what Hux said about hunting and killing her, something about this disturbed Kylo greatly. His stomach churned uncomfortably, she was too pure to die at the hands of a greedy pig like Hux. Kylo didn’t think she would do well to die a martyr. Was it so strange that Kylo Ren wanted the last Jedi to die as a soldier?

Although he would never acknowledge it, Kylo admired Rey. He admired her vigor and fearlessness. And for every second he spent hating the woman, he spent two more being simply fascinated with her. That being said, he still despised her blind faith. She was naïve beyond belief, and it made her vulnerable. With her unwavering loyalties she could be manipulated and used. 

In the years after the battle of Crait he heard whispers about her, especially in the past year. To his surprise they called her ruthless, they told stories of Stormtroopers who died as she mowed a path through their defenses. On the other hand they called her merciful. It was said that Rey never killed a man that hadn’t shot at her first. She refused to make the first move against any opponent. This made Kylo roll his eyes. Ridiculous. Absoloutely ridiculous. The girl could cut down an entire battalion but wasted her time on morals and technicalities. So much wasted potential. 

Kylo finally sat up. And then immediately regretted it. His head swam viciously and a tidal wave of nausea made his mouth water. As he moved to stretch his arms in front of him, he heard a clattering behind him and felt a sharp sting. He glanced down at the crook of his elbow, where a tiny bubble of blood had begun to appear on his ghastly white skin. Lying next to him was a small catheter and a little farther behind that was an almost empty IV bag.

“That is…. Unusual.” He said to himself, glaring distrustfully at the clear liquid that had begun to seep out. What kind of dead man would need an IV? He turned his head and gazed at the stacks and stacks of boxes that he hadn’t noticed before. What kind of dead man needed rations? Kylo searched for a pulse on his neck and he found one. He watched as bled real bright red blood from the small pinprick on his arm. His head spun as he searched his memories once more, looking for any sort of clue to what was happening but he found none. He slowly pushed himself up onto shaking legs, dragging himself onto the bench that lined the wall of the pod. He propped himself up against the wall, one leg extended outwards and one leg bent in front of his body. He closed his eyes and hesitantly reached out with the Force. Somewhere deep inside him he knew the truth, he knew that by some insane miracle he was alive inside this drifting escape pod. But logic was so strongly insisting that this possibility did not make an ounce of sense. 

As Kylo slowly searched the universe he was afraid. He was afraid what he would or wouldn’t find. He had miraculously come back to life but what if Rey couldn’t? He had no time to contemplate any further questions before he found her, far off in the distance. Her force signature hummed pleasantly and glimmered softy. Kylo couldn’t help wandering closer and basking in the warmth for a minute. She stood out in the emptiness like a beacon. Every other force signature was a dull pulse but Rey’s was enormous. Her energy almost created a galaxy of her own. He tried not to think to hard about the relief that washed through him when he found her alive. 

Did she know that he was alive? He wondered if she still believed that traitorous rat of a man had snuffed out his life long ago. He began to search his own mind, cautiously searching for the connection. He found nothing. His heart sped up and he began to search frantically, suddenly extremely worried that the Force bond had been severed into nonexistence. He should have been happy but he wasn’t. His anxiety peaked as he swept the space in his mind for anything. 

Then suddenly it was there, impossibly thin and barely attached but still existing. He let out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding and opened his eyes once more. For the first time he assessed his situation as a living man. He was alone in space with no steering and no concept of where he was. He had no idea how much time had passed since the execution but he did have rations and water. He would be able to survive for a little longer but obviously he couldn’t drift out here forever. His only hope at this point was Rey but the bond was sickly and razor thin. Would she ever be able to find him? Would she even want to?


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dolls,  
> Thank you for this support here at the very start of this journey! I appreciate the Kudos and comments A TON. I've decided to start adding songs to this beginning notes section that I think kind of match the mood I'm going for within the chapter. I will also go back and add them to the previous chapters as well, so you can go take a looksie if you have already read up until now. So without further adieu:
> 
> ***Hostage by Billie Eilish***  
> (PS. buckle up fellas, this is a long boi)

“Ben. Where’s Ben.” Rey spoke clearly despite her condition, her eyes were alight with a simmering fire as she propped herself up on the pillows to better face the individuals in the room.

“Rey. Holy shit.” Poe blurted, eyes still wide as saucers and trained intently on her face. “You’re… alive? And talking?”

Rey looked him dead in the eyes with a determined tilt to her chin, “Where is he?” She questioned once again.

“Rey, Kylo Ren was…”

“Executed, I know. But I can feel him, so where is he now?” Her voice cracked a small amount looking upon the pity in their faces. Leia looked crushed, and Poe looked hopelessly confused. Rey realized Leia hadn’t said a word and turned her eyes towards her.

“Leia let me show you. Please let me show you.” Rey pleaded this time, the fire in her eyes giving away to desperation. 

Leia wanted so badly for it to be true. Part of her hoped painfully that Rey was right, and the other part was not ready for the heartbreak if Rey was wrong. She refused to let anyone see her crumble, especially not Poe Dameron. Leia struggled with her internal battle as she watched the young woman tentatively reach out her hand. “Please Leia, you know I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t sure.”

“And you are sure?”

“I am as sure as I am living and breathing.”

“Well the jury might still be out at that too.” Poe jested in an effort to relieve the tension, but his chuckle faltered with an exasperated glare from both women. “I’m just… I’ll sit right here.” 

Poe retreated to the corner of the room and Leia returned her gaze to Rey. She stepped closer and closed both of her hands around Rey’s small one, deciding to trust the woman her brother had seen such unmatchable potential in. As soon as she closed her eyes she felt the world rush under her feet and her movements through the Force were suddenly not her own. As they skimmed over the fabric of the Force, the range of Rey’s awareness within the universe baffled Leia. She sensed a plethora of minute force energies and nervously wondered how she would possibly know which one was her son from so far out. The girl seemed perfectly sure of her direction, almost as if she was following something.

“I do follow something. There’s a string of sorts, something like a cable. I feel along its edge and it takes me to his force signature.” Rey’s voice echoed.

After a few more moments of blind searching she felt it, her sons Force signature thrummed, taking shape in their minds as a large shimmering expanse of darkness. Rey zeroed in on the signature, allowing Leia to feel the reality of the sensation and it’s implications. Ben’s force signature was overwhelmingly powerful and barely contained, much like a hurricane behind a small wooden door. It was humming like a live wire, it was foreboding and a tad menacing, but more than anything it was alive. 

Leia pulled back gently and opened her eyes to look into Rey’s face. The girl had lingered in her meditation slightly longer than Leia, the tendrils of her mind carefully examining the weakened bond. Rey couldn’t help but feel relieved at the tug of their connection. He was her sworn enemy, and her opposite in the Force. He was a brutal thoughtless killer who did everything to fight the light that refused to leave his soul. She had every reason to hate him: he had a hand in the destruction of millions and he killed his own father. She presumed that he would also kill her with no hesitation, robbing her of life as easily as breathing. It was for these reasons that Rey sickened herself with her own compassion for the infamous Kylo Ren. He deserved her hatred. He BEGGED for it. But she could only give it half-heartedly. Regardless of his crimes, Ben Solo was her tether. After so many years of complete solitude, she had finally found another soul that felt equally as lonely. She failed to see him in black and white, instead viewing him as the complex configuration that he was. A small part of Rey relished in her stolen knowledge of his inner turmoil, she saw for herself how desperately he had to fight to suppress the light that peeked through the curtains of his darkness. 

Leia watched the emotions flicker across Rey’s face like a holo screen: pain, relief, sadness, and a quick flicker of what seemed like affection. This combination piqued the General’s interest but she waited patiently as Rey slowly focused again. 

“I think we all need to talk, kiddo.”

 

Rey was immediately transferred back into her own quarters and urged to take as much time as she needed to prepare herself for the meeting. She was more limber than she should have been for someone who just spent weeks and weeks on the brink of death. She made her way into the freshner with a clean outfit tucked under her arm and gently closed the doors behind her. For the first time in weeks she saw her own face in the mirror and was not particularly pleased with her reflection. Her skin looked pale and the freckles that dotted her body stood out in sharp contrast. Her physique was all sharp angles where the muscle had wasted away. The skin under her eyes was free of dark circles, but somehow she still looked exhausted. Her hair was delicately piled on top of her head, but that was probably the only part of her that didn’t look unkempt. She sighed and ceased her self-examination, opting to step into the steam filled shower room and revel in the feeling of the water warming her to her very bones. After what seemed like ages she reluctantly turned the handle to cut the water and exited the shower to get dressed. Leia had chosen for her a simple outfit of black leggings and a flowy white tunic, as well as a new black breast band because apparently the last one needed to be “cut” off of her. Leia had also brought a matching pair of arm wraps, complaining jokingly that the other ones were too “dirty”. Rey rolled her eyes and slipped on the fresh clothes, momentarily pausing to appreciate the soft comfortable fabric of the tunic. Leia spared no expense and she never really had. When Rey first arrived at the resistance after Crait she only had two sets of clothing, one of which she had been wearing for years as she scavenged on Jakku. 

The General would never admit it aloud, but in a way she loved playing dress-up with Rey. As a child, Ben insisted on dressing like a mini Han Solo, so Leia had always wondered how she would have dressed a daughter. Of course, Rey was no princess and Leia didn’t dress her up as such. Over the years she had become quite the warrior, she was lithe and slim and she desired clothing that granted her plenty of freedom for her movements. So Leia Organa relished in gifting her with outfits for every climate, especially since the Resistance was forced to change locations quite often to avoid detection. At first Rey was hesitant to accept the clothes. She felt as if Leia was spending too much on her, but in reality most of the clothing was from Leia’s own youth after she had become more of a soldier and less of a princess. 

“I’m not as young as I once was Rey, don’t you think that these shouldn’t go to waste?” This was a cheap shot and Leia knew it, Rey’s past engrained in her that every single thing was salvageable and could be made useful. After that she was much more accepting of the clothing items that she was given. In fact, Rey of Jakku almost had a full closet for the first time in her life. Of course, it wasn’t so much that it couldn’t easily be packed if they had to move in a hurry. Rey usually kept all of her clothes in a large pack just in case.

Leia had given her some loose, light colored tunics when they traveled to hotter climates and muggy forests much like the one they were on now. For much colder climates Rey had an all black outfit that covered her from head to toe, it even had a long thick hooded cloak that billowed behind her menacingly. Rey was strongly opposed to this outfit for obvious reasons.

“I look like a Sith.” She had said, jerking the hood off of her head with a huff.

Leia narrowed her eyes at her, “The dark side is an alignment in the Force, not a fashion sense.”

“But Kylo…”

“My son has a flair for the dramatic, Rey. I have a sneaking suspicion that he got that from his grandmother.”

For some reason this made Rey double over in laughter until tears ran down her face. Even Leia had chuckled as she walked back to the conference room.

Rey slipped on some thick knee high stockings and opted out of putting on her boots. With that she slipped out of her quarters and slowly made her way down the hallways towards the large conference room where the Resistance leaders often gathered to plan and discuss tactics and gathered Intel. As she reached the doors she could already hear several hushed voices having an intense discussion and Rey felt a bubble of anxiety rise in her chest, it was time for her to tell her long protected secret and she genuinely had no idea how they all would react, especially not Leia. 

She took a deep breath and pushed through the door, and the entire room went silent. Every eye was trained on her as if they saw a ghost. The first person to move was Rose Tico, who looked overcome with emotion. The small woman sniffled and wrapped her arms tightly around Rey. Rose pulled back suddenly and nailed Rey with a pointed glare. “I’m going to be pretty pissed off if you ever try to die on us again.” Rey laughed at this, a little bit startled, as she had never heard Rose bark at anyone but Finn and Poe. 

Finn interjected shortly after, crushing Rey against his chest and grumbling something about Rey looking pretty good for someone who had almost died. He pulled back and returned to his spot next to Poe, where the Pilot smiled warmly and placed his hand on Finn’s shoulder. 

After some brief pleasantries from the rest of the members, Leia gestured for Rey to sit and the rest followed suit. 

“There is no doubt that everyone on this base is relieved that Rey is alive and well. But the fact of the matter is that there is much to discuss. I have been on this world longer than most of you and I have learned that a good organization thrives on transparency. I know that everyone is confused and concerned by the current events that have taken place and it is crucial for us to know our current position, especially considering that the tides of the war have changed against our favor. Rey, this is not an interrogation but I have a few questions that I need you to answer.”

Rey nodded carefully and Leia continued, “Do you personally know the nature of your… episode?”

She swallowed and thought for a moment, making sure she chose her words wisely and in a way that would not cause panic. “I do, theoretically. I knew that this was a possibility but there was no possible way for me to know for sure. My… condition is not well researched.”

Leia nodded, “Would you mind elaborating?”

Rey gulped, her heart beating hard in her chest, “Ben Solo and I are connected within the force.” She ignored the various looks of confusion and shock and pushed on, “It’s called a Force Bond, it happens when two Force sensitives are linked together.” 

To Rey’s surprise, Leia didn’t look the least bit shocked, “When did you become aware of this ability and how much do you know about it?”

“There’s no way of knowing how long it’s been there. I do know that it made itself known shortly after I was taken in for interrogation.” Rey shifted uncomfortably and continued, “After the events on Crait I sought help from Maz Kanata. She theorized that it had always been there and then simply activated by our initial… acquaintance. The bond has no limitations in distance and it cannot safely be destroyed. You saw for yourselves what happened when the bond was severed. My life is tied to him.” She looked intensely at every person sitting around the table. “My life is tied to his, and his to mine.”

This time Poe spoke up, sounded surprisingly calm, “If you don’t mind me asking Rey… How are you alive?”

“Because he’s alive.”

That statement busted the silence. Every person began muttering in loud whispers, the tension in the room was palpable. 

“Everyone settle down! Let her talk. Rey, how could he have possibly survived that?” Leia asked, her eyebrows pulled together.

“I don’t know. I honestly haven’t the faintest idea how he could have survived. I know his heart stopped beating because I know I was supposed to die. For some reason the Force believed in was not my time. As for Kylo I don’t know.” She looked down at her hands that were resting in her lap. “We haven’t spoken. We haven’t spoken in over three years. The bond was severed when he died but it reattached when he was somehow revived. But it’s very fragile.”

Finn slammed his hand on the table and looked at Rey, “He’s a heartless monster Rey! How in the hell do you know this just wasn’t another ploy to kill you?” 

“Because that monster is the only reason I survived long enough to get off of the Supremacy.” She deadpanned.

“The Supremacy? Snoke’s ship? Why the hell were you on the Supremacy?” Poe fired the questions at her rapidly.

Rey didn’t answer Poe, instead she looked directly at Leia, “General, I wasn’t the one who killed Snoke, and I didn’t kill his guardsmen alone. I don’t know what has happened the last few months, but I do know that wherever Ben is, he isn’t going to last long.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lil babeez,
> 
> All aboard the Ben Solo pain train! Buckle up kiddos, and get ready for a sprinkle of Reylo! (I hope you enjoy this one, I am particularly fond of it)
> 
> For this chapter I have not one, but TWO songs. This is just because it has two VASTLY different tones. 
> 
> Number One-  
> I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young  
> Number Two-  
> Smoke & Mirrors by Agnes Obel

The last time he saw her it was an accident, and she didn’t even know about it. It hadn’t been long after Hux had thrown him in a cell. He had lifted his walls a fraction, curious as to what would be on the other side. He immediately felt her warmth seep into him, providing him with a small amount of comfort as he sat beaten half to death in his frigid cell. He had stepped too close, craving just a little bit more of the heat. In his sleep-deprived delusional state the walls of his mind wavered and as the connection hummed he was jerked across the galaxy, 

She was sound asleep and he was infinitely grateful for it. Only the Gods know the absolute conniption she would have if he materialized in front of her after three years of completely ignoring each other. As he gazed at her, he realized her had never seen her like this: peaceful. He hadn’t once seen Rey without hate or anguish in her eyes. If he weren’t painfully aware at the powerful little menace she could be, he would almost say she looked delicate. He inched closer silently and crouched near her hip, eyes still focused on her face. He got the sudden urge to trace the gentle curve of her eyebrow with his thumb and comb his fingers through the chestnut waves that fell in rivers across her pillow.

Kylo Ren of the First Order had felt nothing but murderous rage and crushing loneliness for so many years that this flare of affection startled him. He felt his chest restrict and his heart began to pound. Kylo back peddled away from her in a panic, putting as much distance between them as he could. And as soon as his back hit the wall he was yanked away. 

Now he almost wished that he were near her again, even if it meant having to suffer the full heat of her judgment and seething hatred. Anything was better than having to wallow in his own guilt and self-loathing. In his solitude, he was forced to recollect on his biggest regrets. At the forefront was the murder of his very own father; Kylo saw the pain in Han Solo’s face every time he closed his eyes. He saw the red glow that bathed them both as his heart ceased to beat in his chest. He felt the soft, forgiving hand as it gently rested on the side of his face. Kylo winced and gazed down at the dark floor, it took only seconds for him to make the biggest mistake of his life, but he would spend eternity despising himself for it. And for what? A false profit of a master who had trained him like an animal? How had he managed to convince himself that Snoke’s word was law and his bidding must be done?

He never would expect to see Leia Organa, but if he came face to face with his mother he knew he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eyes. Although he still nurtured a burning anger towards her for her abandonment, he also knew that he had taken everything from her. He had taken her son, her husband, her brother. He had stolen away her entire family. 

But Kylo himself had been doomed his entire life. He had been doomed the moment that Snoke found him and began to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He was doomed when his parents turned a blind eye and sent him away instead. Not even Kylo himself was aware how little of a chance he had from the start. He chose to pretend like this was a chosen path, like he had sought Snoke out himself to nurture the darkness that grew inside of him. 

Kylo closed his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest, digging his long fingers into his hair. He began to wonder again if Rey would search for him. He admitted to himself that she was well within her rights if she chose to let him rot in space. If he were Rey, that’s the decision that he would probably make. And even if she did want to search for him, he highly doubted the bond was strong enough to lead her to his location in the absolute middle of nowhere. How could she find him here if he didn’t even know where “here” was? 

He gently toyed with the string of the bond, giving it an experimental tug and surprising himself with how undeniably sturdy it still was. Of course, it was nothing like it had been. In the few days that they had it open years and years ago, he could FEEL her. When they fought together they were one in the same, they moved flawlessly. In the moment he couldn’t help but imagine what life would be like side by side, as equals. They would have been perfect, the most powerful pair of beings in the entire galaxy. 

He lifted his head and as his eyes fluttered open, there she was. She was lying down with her arm folded up under her head and staring at him intently. She narrowed her eyes a little but didn’t take up any kind of defensive position.

“I was starting to think you were just going to sit there the whole time.” She quipped, smirking at him weakly. 

Kylo casually leaned his head back against the wall, “Hello little scavenger.”

“Hello, Ben Solo. You’re looking well for a dead man.” She whispered in reply.

It was then that Kylo noticed the machinery in the room: an unplugged heart monitor and an assortment of tools spread across the table. Next to her was an IV bag attached to a needle that was embedded in her arm. 

“You have an IV.” He said curiously.

“Correct.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and sighed, “WHY do you have an IV, Rey?”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes, “I said I didn’t need it. I guess they don’t trust me not to die again.”

Kylo felt his chest tighten and he narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean ‘again’?”  
“I don’t know, apparently I’ve been in a coma ever since Hux stabbed you with that damned needle in front of the entire galaxy. I just woke up this morning. Forgive me if I’m a little out of the loop.” 

Kylo stayed silent, slowly mulling over the information he had just been given. So their lives WERE tied. That was definitely something he wish he knew years ago. In turn, this made him curious about the other limitations of the bond. He wondered how connected they really were and what else they could do.

“Where are you?” She said after a long moment, he met her eyes and gazed into their green depths. 

“I don’t know.” He said out loud, but in his head he asked for the third time if she would ever come to find him.

“I am.”

“What?” He jerked his head up once more to look at her.

“I am coming.”

“Why would you?” He said gruffly, glaring at the corner bar of her cot.

She deliberately ignored the question and turned her gaze towards the ceiling, “I need a ship. My things are ready, they always are.” She murmured absently, seeming to forget his company. 

She appeared thin and slightly paler than he remembered; yet somehow she still looked strong even as she was curled up in bed. He could see the delicate curve of her collarbones peeking out of her white tunic as his eyes followed her outline from the point of her chin to the hallow of her neck. The heat rose in his cheeks and Kylo looked away quickly, trying to distract himself from a memory as simple as the rising and falling of her chest. 

All too soon Kylo felt the Force begin to tug on the bond and he knew their time tonight was coming to a close. Their eyes met and a look of understanding passed between them. 

“Sleep well, scavenger.” He said quietly, but was gone before she could reply.

 

Kylo stood alone in a dark room, the air felt thick and heavy as it circled his lungs and settled in his chest. There was no light source but something dimly lit a small circle around him. The darkness itself seemed to move and shift with some sort of nonexistent wind. He could hear his heart pounding loudly and a sense of sheer terror washed over him like ice water. He was scared, so scared.

Kylo could do nothing but stand still, peering off into the muggy darkness in anticipation of what would come out of it. After what seemed like hours of absolute nothingness the blackness itself seemed to part and give way to the slim figure of somebody slowly walking towards him. As she came into the light Kylo could see in vivid color the amber flecks in her swirling hazel eyes and the light dusting of freckles that adorned her cheeks. He gazed longingly at her sun kissed skin and the way her long white dress cascaded off of her curves like a waterfall. Entranced, he raised his hand as she stopped only inches from his chest, looking up at him with a small thoughtful smile on her lips. 

“Rey.” He murmured, brushing the soft skin of her cheek with the back of his hand.

She lifted her small fingers to caress the side of his face before finally speaking, “Ben, don’t you see? You destroy everything you touch.”

Kylo blinked in shock and continued to helplessly gaze into her eyes, “Why… why would you say that?” He asked, his deep voice sounding unusually small and wounded. He was caught in a trance as he watched the lights above shift from white to yellow to orange to red. 

And as they were bathed in crimson her expression became one of hurt and betrayal, an expression he saw on her more often than not. He had no idea what could have happened to bring on such a look of pain. 

“I just want to know why.” She said before slowly, very slowly, she shifted her gaze down his chest. In the space between them was a black-gloved hand strongly gripping a cross-vented lightsaber. The end of it was pressed into Rey’s stomach, but the crackling red blade was angled and protruding out of the center of her back. Kylo distinguished the saber and dropped it as if it had burned him, but the damage was done. Rey had taken a minuscule step back with her hands hovering over her midsection as pools of blood blossomed across her flowing white dress.

With one last anguished parting glace up into his eyes she crumpled, sinking right through the floor before he could catch her. Alone in the dark, Ben Solo fell to his knees and slammed one gloved hand on the glassy black floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a song for this one, mostly because I'm lazy.  
> Things are starting to heat up :D who's exited for Sharkboi and Lavagirl to finally meet up? I am. Will Rey find Kylo before his toes freeze off? Will Kylo become a Tauntaun hot pocket? Will the author try to upload this sober next time? FIND OUT on the next episode of Total. Drama. Island.
> 
> (Sidenote: I'm trying to make these longer but this is somewhat of a filler chapter so be gentle with me <3 )

“I…” Finn wheezed and jabbed an accusatory finger at the wooden staff that Rey was twirling casually in her hands, “I HATE that thing.” He gripped his side and winced as he gracelessly stood back up. He and Poe usually had to take turns training with Rey so she could do something other than work on her forms in solitude. Leia insisted that somebody keep her limber in physical combat. As time wore on, they both came to absolutely dread it. Truth be told, Rey was nearly unbeatable one on one. 

“I don’t know why we all don’t just gang up on you Rey. I’m sick of getting my ass beat.” He grumbled, nailing his friend with a playful glare, “I’m starting to think we SHOULD drag Ren over here so you have someone else to play with.”

“I would beat him too.” She said matter-of-factly, tossing her staff aside in the training room and taking a quick sip of water from her canteen. 

“Didn’t you like… almost slice his head in half last time you fought him? I heard that’s how he got that big ass scar.” Finn looked at her warily, he never thought he would actually be a little bit scared for that murderous bastard. Rey was a force to be reckoned more than ever, and he would hate to actually be on the receiving end of her fury.

She winced a little before she replied. It WAS true, although her secrecy about the happenings between her and Kylo Ren begged for a lot of rumors, and a majority of them were false. Rey never bothered to confirm nor deny them, opting to keep a small shred of privacy in her life. After the meeting she had told Leia, Poe, Finn, and Rose a little bit more information. She felt it was necessary to fill in the blanks seeing as there were several gaping holes in her story. For the sake of validity, she even discussed their previous connections through the force during her brief training with Luke Skywalker. Leia listened intently, and if she wasn’t surprised by the news of the force bond she WAS surprised by the actions of her son. After all this time even she had begun to convince herself that there was nothing left in Ben Solo to save. She was well aware that Rey was only an exception, but she couldn’t help but wonder what the nature of this behavior was. Was it possible that he knew about how the connection linked their lives? Did he know that saving Rey’s life was his only means of survival? Was it too much to hope that this was not the case and her son was still capable of compassion?

Meanwhile, Rey shrugged off Finn’s question, “He deserved it.”

He paused for a moment, “Yeah… I mean yeah, that’s fair.” He said to Rey’s retreating back. “Hey, wait up!” He shouted after her, jogging to catch up outside in the hallway. “I know what you’re about to do. We all know what you’re about to do.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, “Oh is that so?”

“I’m not saying it’s a good idea. Poe seems to think that he’ll strangle the life out of you the second you’re in arms reach. I don’t think Leia feels like she can comment on how she feels about it. But I get it; I know what it’s like to be caught in a situation you can’t control. I know I acted like an ass when you first told us, but I’ve been thinking about the things you said.” He told her sincerely.

By now they had reached the mess hall right as it was emptying out after dinner. Rey tried not to notice as several of the men and women gaped at her. The wide-eyed stares and nervous glances reminded her of when she first came here. The Last Jedi was an enigmatic title and she actually wasn’t quite fond of it. Rey was no Jedi, no matter how many people wanted her to be. For a long time she only chose to accept the realities that she was comfortable with, simply ignoring the small part of her that urged her to heed Luke Skywalker’s warnings. After years of study and plenty of honest meditation, Rey had begrudgingly accepted the truth that the Jedi Order needed to be laid to rest. Gods, she hated it when Ben Solo was right. It worried her that on some levels she had begun to side with Kylo Ren of the First Order, agreeing that letting the past die was the only way to grow into something better. She realized over time that he TRULY believed in creating something new. She only wished that his plan didn’t include the elimination of the people she held dear. Oddly enough, Rey often wondered what it would have been like if she would have taken his hand under the raining sparks of the crumbling Supremacy. He would have forsaken the First Order and they would have had to run for years. With his outstretched hand he asked for her to abandon the Resistance and run off with a man who insisted on constantly putting her life in peril. So she said no, and could he really blame her? She hated herself for the twinge of regret she felt every time she thought back on that time.

“Rey?” She heard Finn’s voice and was pulled out of her thoughts. “Hey, we kind of lost you there.”

Rey had barely noticed when they sat down and Poe came to join them, sitting right next to Finn who was sitting across from her.

Poe opened his mouth and spoke hesitantly, “Rey, what makes you think he wont kill you when you find him?”

She rested her chin in her palm and stared off to the side, “IF I find him.” She said glumly. “Also I just know. I know in the same way that you know that the sun with rise each morning. Also if he wanted to kill me I assume he would have done it already, he has certainly had plenty of chances.” 

“Okay… do you want to talk about why you shipped yourself straight into the lion’s den?”

“On Ahch-To I felt his turmoil, I felt lost and alone and he told me I wasn’t. I left the island after I found that Luke had tried to kill him while he was just a child.” She ignored their startled expressions and continued her story, eyes becoming unfocused as she remembered. “I sent myself to him in an escape pod in the hopes that I could turn him. I was aware that I would most likely be taken to Snoke and I planned on killing him myself, I figured I would liberate Ben Solo or die trying. But I never expected him to turn on his master. He cut that hideous creature right in half, and together we fought off ever single member of Snoke’s Pretorian Guard.” She gulped, a lump in her throat forming as she once again remembered what happened next. “He held out his hand to me and pleaded for me to take it. Together we would start over without the Resistance or the First Order, no Jedi and no Sith. He sought balance and I rejected him. We struggled for my lightsaber and I ultimately abandoned his unconscious body on that burning ship.”

Finn and Poe would have been stupid not to notice the pain in their friends face as this old wound bled once again. The conflict swimming in her eyes was obvious as well as heartbreaking. Her hands retreated back to her lap and she stared at them, trying to get ahold of herself once again. 

“There’s a shuttle in the hangar, I’m sure you’ll be able to fly it fairly easily. Depending on where you land you’ll eventually have to find fuel. You better leave soon because if Leia asks I’m not going to lie to her Rey.” Poe whispered, patting her cheek and walking away.

She smiled sadly and looked towards Finn, “You know I have to do this.”

He nodded and frowned at her, “I’m doing this for you, not for him.” 

She nodded in understanding and they both walked quietly back to their respective rooms. 

 

Rey pulled the drawstrings of her pack shut and shoved a couple more small things in the small pockets at the front. It was dark in her room as she blindly groped for her worn leather jacket and the knee-high lace up boots that she loved so much. When Leia had first handed them to her she had raised her eyebrow skeptically. The woman had told her to just try them on.

They were soft and comfortable, and incredibly useful in battle as the high top protected her legs from the elements. They were also warm, which had come in handy more than once. She had decided to sneak off to the ship in her socks to make sure that she didn’t make a sound on the way out. Rey snatched her saber from the nightstand and deftly clipped it to her belt. She adjusted the pack on her shoulders and with her boots in one hand she slipped out of the room and towards the hangar where the ship was waiting. 

As she walked she gently nudged the bond, seeing that Ben was sound asleep wherever he was. Surprisingly, she made it to the ship without incident and dumped her things down in the passenger seat. The cargo ship was a relatively nice one compared to some of the things that the Resistance had acquired. The interior was dark, a style that was much more popular in the time of Republic in which it was made. Rey had never seen this one before; she assumed that Poe must have stolen it recently on one of his smaller expeditions. She wanted to explore it, but her rush to lift off and break atmosphere far surpassed her curiosity. She also didn’t want to give herself time to talk herself out of it because technically this was a matter of saving her own life. 

She sat down anxiously and began to punch in the launch sequence with trembling fingers. She felt like a deserter: stealing a ship and taking off in the middle of the night while her crewmembers slept. Her heart sank thinking of how disappointed Leia would be, she was sure she wouldn’t get a warm welcome when she came back, especially if she was tugging along the former leader of the entire First Order. She hoped that someday her friends would be able to forgive her. 

Rey felt the ship hum to life and she carefully maneuvered it out of the hangar and into the open air of the planet. Once she had gently steered the large carrier out of the atmosphere, she let the ship idle while she searched for some direction in which to go. She was fairly sure that the Resistance wouldn’t follow her now that she had broken through the orbit of the planet. They hardly sent more than one ship at a time in an effort to avoid detection. In addition, their best flyboy was temporarily on board with her plan. Rey lifted herself out of the seat and wondered towards the back of the ship where she presumed the sleeping quarters would be. There was a hallway directly behind the large open cockpit. To her right in the hall was a relatively large freshner complete with a shower and a small sink. There was even a small ledge for the limited amount of toiletries that she did bring on board. 

She gently closed the freshner door and continued on. The end of the hallway opened up into a small semi-circular space with three doors. She opened the door to her right and saw that it led to a dark and musty storage area. She was relieved to see it was stocked with boxes and boxes worth of rations and canteens. There were a couple kits full of Bacta patches and gauze along with an assortment of other medical supplies. “Convenient.” She thought to herself suspiciously. Rey could see a large stack of boxes in the back but didn’t feel much like crawling all the way back there. Inside the middle door she found a tiny empty closet, it was populated with a couple dark grey rain ponchos and a large hooded coat, as well as a few folded blankets tucked in the very corner.

Rey pulled back and opened the door to what she assumed would be the sleeping quarters. As she looked inside her heart sank. There was a single bed. ONE. “Things aren’t looking good for my vicious murderer rescue.” She muttered to herself angrily. She hoped Ben knew that he would be sleeping in the cockpit. She actually thought that this wasn’t a terrible option, from what she saw, both the pilot’s seat and the passenger’s seat were well cushioned and somewhat soft. She was almost sure that they leaned backwards as well. Maybe SHE would be sleeping in the cockpit. 

Rey retrieved her things from the front and hauled them to the back, depositing them on top of a large chest that sat at the foot of the bed. She weaseled around in the drawers of the cabinets lined against the wall opposite of the bed and found nothing but dust and an old, broken Halo pad. After her curiosity had been sated she returned to the pilot’s seat and leaned back into the cushions. When she closed her eyes she envisioned the taught string between her and Kylo and tugged it softly, hoping that it would give her some hope to where he was. His mind was still heavily and she let out a frustrated huff, he wasn’t going to make this easy was he?

“I never do.” She heard his voice directly in front of her and she nearly jumped out of her seat. He was standing in front of her with his hands behind his back and a small smirk on his lips.

“You’re an ASS!” she said, wishing she could throw something at his cocky face.

He narrow his eyes at her, “Are you in a ship?” 

“Perceptive.”

“Are you… deserting?” He smirked even more. 

She ground her teeth together and balled her fists before taking a deep breath, “Where are you?” She asked, chewing the inside of her cheek.

“Oh, about that. Very shortly I will begin plummeting down to what I assume is Hoth.” He said, his eyes shifting above to her head to look at something she couldn’t see.

“Hoth!! Why in the hell are you on the Outer Rim? Wait… Plummeting?” 

“Yes, this thing isn’t built to go planetside.” 

Rey launched herself out of her seat and paced in front of the control board. It had been about three hours since she left the Resistance base to look for Kylo and it was already going exceptionally poorly. “Okay. Okay, Hoth? I’m near Hoth. I can get to Hoth.” She spun around and punched in the coordinates, she remembered them from a meeting about strategic and potential bases. 

Kylo watched her quietly as she fussed, her fingers flurrying over the keypad as she entered the coordinates. He was secretly impressed but not exactly surprised. Rey was resourceful and intelligent; there was a reason she survived so long in the harsh conditions of Jakku. 

She turned around and sighed as the Force began to tug at them. 

“Please survive.”

“I’ll try.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter challenged me but ya girl is pretty excited about some real Reylo coming soon. Our space virgins have finally come face to face!  
> I wanted to make sure I kind of captured Rey's range of talents. It's sometimes a little too easy to forget that our powerful space princess has a wicked skillset. Also I want to make it clear that this is based a few years after Crait. Life has really kicked Kylo in the balls and Rey has been forced to grow up even FASTER. I also like making Rey a little more hardcore, I feel like getting pulled to the forefront of a galactic war as a teenager will do that to ya. Anywho, I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> ***Looking Too Closely by Fink***

When Kylo had roused himself from another night of fitful sleep, he woke to the sight of a hulking pale blue planet. Of all the planets that the First Order had scoured searching for the Resistance over the last few years, they had only searched a handful of frozen planets. But only one had been so wholly encompassed with ice that it seemed to reflect every single photon of light that it’s sun casted. The planet he was approaching was, without a doubt, Hoth.

It was sixth in it’s system, putting it a decent ways away from it’s heat source. Because of this the snow hardly stopped falling and the resulting glaciers made up most of the ground. From what Kylo had experienced the air was bitterly cold, so cold that hypothermia began to set inside the body after a very short period of exposure. They received intel that there was an old Resistance base on the Southern Hemisphere of the planet that was utilized during the time of the Galactic Empire. He had only taken a small crew with him to explore it and all they found was a massive hangar that had collapsed not long after it was abandoned. 

Kylo’s usual garb of dark layers protected him from the elements and this was probably the only reason he didn’t mind this planet. But he figured he would enjoy it a lot less in nothing but a tunic and trousers. Not to mention his lightsaber was probably still somewhere on the Successor. After his conversation with Rey he sat glumly in the corner, bracing for his graceless fall from space. 

As he entered atmosphere the shuttle became engulfed in flames. He squeezed his eyes shut as the temperature rose unbearably. Sweat dripped into his eyes and his knuckles turned white around the rungs he was clinging to. He gritted his teeth as he saw the ground come up dizzyingly fast through the small view port across from him. He braced for impact, but when the pod made landfall his head whipped up and bashed against the wall in back of him. His body was flung forwards with his momentum but his grip on the large metal bar hung true and he jerked himself back towards the back wall. 

The metal across from him crumpled like paper and he saw the door fold inward out of the corner of his eye. The nose of the pod tilted downward and Kylo’s sweaty hand slipped from his grip on the rung. He slid forward on his back towards the front, and he slammed against the damaged wall with his entire body weight. His forehead found the glass of the viewport and shattered it, resulting in a deep gash that he could feel slice horizontally from his scalp his temple on the right side of his face. Blood gushed into his eyes and his body sagged against the metal. Eventually the vehicle slowed to a stop and rocked back into the large rut it had created in the snow. Kylo slumped back down to the ground, as the floor once again became level. He felt the frigid air seep in through the shattered viewport and chill the sweat that covered his skin.

His vision swam as he slumped upright against the wall opposite of the door. The wall behind him was mangled and dented inwards but thankfully still relatively intact with the exception of a few bolts that had popped open with the crash. 

He groaned and reached up to assess the wound on his head. It was bleeding heavily but luckily the back of his head was not. Although he would definitely have a concussion if he didn’t freeze to death first. Dark spots swam before his eyes and he gave the bond a single tug before he slipped out of consciousness.

 

The ship jerked out of hyper speed and Rey immediately reached for the controls. She hadn’t left the seat for too long, not wanting to waste on single second in her rush to rescue an unconscious Kylo Ren from a wide range of terrible conditions. There was a time in Rey’s life where she was frequently afraid of starving, but her life on Jakku had been relatively constant. She wasn’t often surprised during her day-to-day routine. She would wake up early in the morning to scavenge various wreckages and junkyards, and then she would hurry to Niima Outpost to trade her items before the traders retreated back into their small shops. At times like these she couldn’t believe the drastic ways in which her life had changed. At one point her biggest worry was her rations, now she was hurtling through space to rescue the rogue former leader of the First Order from a giant ice planet. 

Rey had painstakingly put on the layered black outfit that Leia had given her for protection on planets such as Hoth. It consisted of thick black leggings and compression wraps for her legs and arms. She also threw on an extra pair of socks under her tall top boots. She had a long sleeved v-neck that she wore under a lengthy dark grey tunic. Surprisingly, Rey had become quite fond of the long hooded cloak that went along with it. It was made of a heavy material that was somewhat coarse to the touch and the weight of it was a comfort to her. She enjoyed the anonymity of the dark hood that shaded her face. In fact she often wore it in battle for those very reasons. Of course, her white saber staff was a dead giveaway, but she felt less exposed like that. Her aversion to the menacing look had faded with time; she now understood now why Kylo once wore a mask.

On the battlefield, her partially covered face gave her a surprising amount of advantages. Her enemy couldn’t read her expression to predict her intentions and she enjoyed being unpredictable. But what she really desired was to stay hidden among regular civilians. Of course she wanted to avoid the possibility of being found by the First Order, but the aversion to Force sensitives among the people had grown significantly over time. Citizens had heard stories of Snoke and his manipulation. They became somewhat aware of his hand in Kylo Ren’s fall from grace and this caused unrest. They began to assume every Force sensitive would meet the same fate and wreak just as much havoc. People no longer spoke of the ways of the Force, they instead came to resent and distrust those who could utilize it. 

The truth was that they were all one in the same. Even Rey’s fellow soldiers assumed she was above feeling the effect of the woes of war, when in reality she was just as susceptible to the trauma they all experienced among such carnage. The Force was a powerful weapon, but it could not rescue one from the reality of life. This is where she leaned on Kylo Ren, because the life of a Force sensitive had become a very lonely one. 

Right on queue, Rey felt the nearness of him as she entered the atmosphere. For the first time she felt the pressure within the bond that came as a byproduct of such proximity. They were like two magnets: the pull became stronger the closer they got. It had been several years since she had been this close. 

She let the Force steer her in his direction until she saw a small plume of black in the distance. It had been several hours since the impact and the smoke had been almost completed dissipated. Her hands were shaking as she rocketed towards his position and circled the area, searching for a nearby spot to land. Eventually she spotted a relatively flat expanse off to the side of the massive rut that the crashing shuttle had created in the snow. 

Her leg bounced up and down rapidly as she tried to land the ship carefully. She would be of no help if she herself crashed and they both froze here. As soon as the ship landed she launched out of her seat and lowered the ramp. The cold air immediately struck her like a brick wall, it stung her face and ears even through the protection of the hood and the large scarf she had used to cover her nose and mouth. She trudged on through the snow, sliding precariously down the side of her trench until she was in direct sight of the shuttle. It looked a lot like something she would have scavenged in Jakku. That shuttle would have fed her for a month.

For the first time she began to worry what she would find in there. Obviously he was alive, but what if he was too severely hurt for her to heal him? She hadn’t even thought of where she would take him in that case. And what if the crash had mutilated his body to the point that he couldn’t be fixed? Rey got increasingly more anxious as she came to stand in front of the door. The dark grey metal had been folded inward, probably upon impact. She assessed the broken air-lock seal and the severely damaged handle. On Jakku she would have probably worked a make-shift crowbar between the frame and the door, but seeing as she had no tools she deduced that she would have to Force pull it off its hinges. She raised her hands and envisioned the twisted metal as it creaked and eventually tore apart. With some effort the door groaned and came loose all at once. She tossed it to the side maybe harder than she should have and ducked into the cramped space. 

As she took in the scene in front of her a small amount of her stress was relieved. She had definitely seen him in worse condition. She had definitely PUT him in worse condition. He did have a deep wound across the entirety of his forehead and that was worrisome. She gingerly crossed the space between them and knelt down next to him. With one trembling hand she reached up and brushed some of his long dark locks away from the cut. It was deep, much deeper than she presumed. She looked up and saw the bloody shards of the broken viewport and sighed. He had also bled an extraordinary amount. Paired with the fact that he was extremely cold, it would take a significant amount of time to restore his energy. He was littered with various other cuts and bruises, probably due to the fact that he was wearing a light tunic and trousers with nothing on for protection. She was struck for a moment by the fact that she had never seen him in a color other than black.

Kylo was out cold, and Rey realized that she wasn’t strong enough to lift him. She obviously didn’t want to drag him in case he had any broken bones and she had nothing she could carry him with. This left her only one option. She would have to levitate him with the force all the way to the ship. She had manipulated plenty of inanimate things, but never a human being, or any sort of being for that matter.

“Please don’t wake up.” She muttered under her breath as she slowly lifted him to hip level. Getting him out the door was especially challenging since she needed to manipulate his arms and legs to pass this giant man through the space. She also realized that she would have to hold him all the way to the end of the trench since she wouldn’t be able to lift him up the side.

The trek seemed to last forever. She had to move so slowly as not to drop him.

“You owe me, Ben Solo. You definitely owe me.” She grumbled as she finally made it to the ramp. It was there that she was forced to drag him the rest of the way. She locked her arms under his underarms and gently tugged him backwards to the sleeping quarters. She had never guessed how incredibly heavy he would be, but on the other hand he wasn’t a small man. After a lot of effort and a little help from the Force she had gotten up on the cot lying on his back. She crossed her arms over her chest and let out an anxious huff. She didn’t even know where to start; she was experiencing such a wide range of emotions. The bond hummed contently, Kylo was completely unconscious and almost frozen, and Rey was slowly starting to realize that she was alone on a barren planet with Kylo Ren. She hurried to the closet and grabbed every single blanket. She tucked them in tightly around his body and messed with the temperature managing mechanisms until she felt they were warm enough for them to keep from freezing. At least they were somewhat protected from the elements in the ship.

Rey sat carefully on the edge of the bed and took another look at the wound on his forehead. She could heal this one but she wouldn’t be able to do every single one of the less severe cuts that covered his upper body. The act of force healing drained too much energy out of her, and she needed to stay alert. She once again brushed away the hair that had fallen into his face and hovered one hand closely over the wound. She smiled as she watched the skin begin to slowly stitch back together. 

She wet a small rag from the freshner with warm water and carefully wiped the blood from the newly healed skin. She looked upon his actual face for the first time in years. She took in his long dark lashes and the sharp curve of his jaw as she quietly washed the red tint off of his face. For a moment after she finished she simply gazed down at him thoughtfully. “He’s quite handsome when he isn’t killing things.” She muttered quietly as she thoughtlessly ran her hands through his dark curls. She heaved a heavy sigh and left the room, carefully closing the door behind her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh*  
> Oh Ben Solo, you clockhead. 
> 
>  
> 
> *** The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New***

Kylo stood in a dark pool looking outwards into nothingness. He held his hands behind his back and his feet took a wide stance. It wasn’t often that he felt at ease, but his eyes were gently closed and his jaw was slack. His dark curls hung like a halo around his head and fell softly along his high cheekbones and his strong jaw and the corner of his full lips were turned slightly downward. In this moment he looked like a fallen prince. 

“Child.” A faceless voice echoed across the water. Kylo didn’t feel startled; instead he turned slowly to face the source of the sound. He gazed into the dim glow that seemed emanate from a place deep underneath the water. He stayed silent, waiting. 

“Ben Solo. Son of Leia Organa and Han Solo. Creature born of fire and steel. Child of the dark. You’ve been terribly misled.” It said, but not unkindly. 

“Yes.” Ben murmured.

“The Force works in mysterious ways, ways in which you are not privy to know. We are but temporary vessels for a greater power. The universe has granted you the greatest gift, Ben Solo. The beginning of the rest of your life. But your choices are still your own.” The words almost sounded like a warning.

“I… don’t understand.” Ben responded quietly.

“Rey of Jakku, Child of light, waited at the gates of Oblivion. But the Force did not grant her access. Her heart beats with the blood of your redemption. If you begin to stray, I will come to you once more as a final warning. Choose wisely Ben Solo, you are at the mercy of another.” With that the edges of the dream unfurled, the blackness giving way to white and the water draining into nothingness.

 

Kylo woke up with a violent jerk, wrenching himself upwards in an unfamiliar bed. His heart beat wildly as he glanced around the room. It was almost pitch black, with the exception of a soft yellow light that was shining through the crack under the door. He ran his hands over the multitude of blankets covering him and the events of the last few days came rushing back into his memory. He reached up to feel for the gaping wound in his head but he only felt smooth skin, not even a scar or a single stitch. 

Regardless, he was still sore as hell and he hissed as he moved to swing his legs over the side of the bed. As his eyes adjusted he saw that he was in a single bedded sleeping quarters. Although it was mostly empty there were small traces of the other passenger on board: a pair of black lace-up boots leaning against the far wall, what looked like a heavy cloak draped over the back of a chair in the corner, and a large drawstring pack sitting on the chest at the foot of the bed.   
In the dim lighting he saw what looked to be a fresh pair of clothes folded neatly on the beside table. As quietly as possible, he slipped the clean clothes on and almost groaned. He had been wearing the same clothing for a month now, and the freshness of a new outfit was something he always took for granted until then. 

Kylo had an idea of what he would find on the other side of the door. He could feel the satisfied hum of the bond indicating that she was nearby and he knew she was just on the other side of the door. He could hardly believe that he woke up in a bed rather than a prison cell in the Resistance Base. He was prepared for that outcome, just because they were bonded didn’t necessarily mean that he deserved her kindness or mercy. He would have bet money that she would take him into their custody to detain him. Kylo quickly faced the fact that no matter what he did, he would most likely spend the rest of his life rotting away in a prison cell. He had no idea how this would be “the beginning to the rest of his life”. Maybe the voice in his dream was indicating that he was finally about to atone for his sins. 

Anxiety rippled through him. They hadn’t been face to face since she came to him on the Supremacy. While their connections through the Force were extremely accurate, there were many things that it couldn’t account for. He wasn’t sure what to expect as far as her reaction to him. Her feelings towards him in person would be distrustful no doubt. 

He crept to the door and rested his hand on the handle, he only sensed a single being on the ship but this being was a particularly lethal one. Kylo swallowed hard and opened the door, prepared for some sort of altercation. She had been forced to nurture him back to health, had she not? This didn’t mean she didn’t despise him.

He met eyes with her as soon as he stepped into the dimly lit hallway; she was seated in the pilot’s seat, which she had angled more towards the back of the ship. Her legs were pulled up to her chest and her arms were wrapped loosely around her knees. She didn’t look particularly defensive; instead she appeared smaller than usual and very tired. He could see the dark purple circles under her eyes as he stepped towards her tentatively. Her hair fell in loose waves down her side and the blackness of her outfit partially camouflaged her against the dark walls and the dim glow of the light. 

“You’re awake.” She stated simply, raising her eyebrow slightly but remaining in the same position. She seemed relatively at ease to be alone in the company of one of the most hated men in the galaxy. Rey simply leveled her eyes at him critically and slightly tightened her grip on her knees. 

Kylo’s heart stuttered in his chest, “Rey.” He breathed.

“Ben Solo. You have an incredible amount of explaining to do.” She said in a scolding tone that reminded him of when his mother would scold him as a young boy. 

She gestured to the passenger seat and Kylo hesitantly sat down, he was so close that he could she the shadows that her long eyelashes casted on the apples of her cheeks and the freckles that dusted her face.

“I want you to start with Hux.”

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair and leaning heavily into the seat, “In short, he was strongly opposed to the policies I had begun to enact within the First Order. I denied the building of another Starkiller very early on. Hux threatened to petition but I pulled rank. About eight months ago I put in a request for the total reform of the Stormtrooper program. It was Hux’s brainchild and he claimed that I was purposefully weakening our defenses. He had found video footage of what happened in the throne room and quickly used it to turn the Order against me. I was imprisoned immediately, which leads me to believe that he had been planning it for quite some time.” 

Her mouth hung open as she worked through the timeline in her mind, “You were imprisoned on your own ship for almost seven months?” She paled as she thought of the condition she saw him in for the short time she was in his cell, and even that was pretty close to his execution date. She had no idea that he had been suffering for that long.

Across from her, Kylo was slowly putting together the pieces, “You can Force heal.” He said as more of a statement than a question.

She nodded pensively, bringing the heel of her hand up underneath her chin to gaze absently at nothing in particular. 

Kylo narrowed her eyes at her, “I like that little trick you did with my punctured lung.” 

“Well I’ve had plenty of practice seeing as you insist on trying to die so frequently.” She snapped, suddenly launching herself out of her chair and putting as much space between them in the small cockpit. Even after being rescued by her alone he was still an ungrateful ass. 

“I’m not a well liked man, scavenger.” He growled in a warning tone. 

“By nobody else’s fault but your own.” Rey responded venomously.

“ I KNOW that, Rey!” It was Kylo’s turn to stand up, taking up an extraordinary amount of space within the room. He towered over an angry Rey, who had crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her chin up at him defiantly. 

“Repairing your internal organs was no parlor trick, Kylo Ren” She used the name mockingly, “Maybe I should have punctured the other one!” She was shouting up at him now, Rey’s patience had run thin with her exhaustion. She had diligently saved him from frostbite but somehow he was still frigid. “A simple thank you would have sufficed.”

“A thank you for what, Rey? Salvaging me long enough to hand me over to the Resistance? I see RIGHT through you.” Now Kylo was yelling pointing an accusatory finger out the window as if gesturing to a base that wasn’t there. 

“I watched you die, Ben!” The silence that followed hung heavy with the words even after she had said them. Even Rey was surprised at the stab of pain that echoed through the bond. Kylo had no retort; there was absolutely nothing he could respond with. 

She placed the flat of her hand on his chest and roughly shoved him away. He hadn’t even realized how much he had intruded on her space until then, realizing that he almost had her pinned against the wall while he lashed out. He continued to stare at her dumbly as she snatched a bundle of folded up clothes off the bench and stomped into the hall. 

Rey looked over her shoulder slightly, “We leave Hoth tomorrow. We’ll be going into hiding now so it’s your turn to be nobody.” She threw the words he had once said to her back in his face, before walking into the freshner and slamming the door behind her. 

As the meaning of her words sunk in, Kylo felt his anger dissipate into shock, which in turn faded into pure shame. He skulked to the booth in the corner and sat down heavily, resting his forearms on the table and pressing his forehead against his fists. She had healed him out of the goodness of her heart, felt pain in watching him die, suffered a three week coma, traveled all this way to save him by herself, and planned to go into hiding WITH him, and he had still managed to question her intentions. He ached with regret. As if she didn’t already have more than enough reasons to hate him. 

“ ‘A thank you for what, Rey?’ “ He quietly mimicked himself, “Could I be any stupider.” In a matter of minutes he had already made things unbearably tense. Kylo got up and stalked back to the passenger seat, whirling it around to face back forward. He propped his legs up on the dash and closed his eyes.

Her heart beats with the blood of your redemption. He remembered the words of the disembodied voice and hung his head in shame. Would he ever be able to make it up to her?

 

Rey refused to cry, she hated doing it. On Jakku she considered it a silly waste of water so she held it in as often as she could. So as she turned on the scalding water and stepped under the stream she didn’t shed one tear, but she did scrub her hair a little harder than she meant to. 

When she finally turned off the water her skin was tinged red and her anger was slowly slipping into exhaustion. She gazed at herself in the mirror for a second, taking note of the bags under her eyes as she tried to squeeze out some of the water from her hair. She couldn’t even be bothered to braid it out of her face. She slipped on a loose shirt and a pair of shorts she had found in the boxes of the storage room. She had gotten curious of their contents and crawled back into the musty closet to retrieve them. Inside were men and women’s clothes. One box contained three pairs of boots, only one of which looked like it could fit Ben’s massive feet. A smaller box contained children’s clothes and she tried not to think about that; the realization that a family had once lived here made her sad. It also worried her that they took none of their clothes with them as they left. Rey tried not to think about that either. She was lucky that she had brought so many of her own clothes because almost nothing in those boxes fit her small frame.

Rey had also hauled up the rations that had been placed in the two trunks that populated the now empty escape pod. He had finished about half the rations in the first chest, but the second was untouched. Things were looking VERY good for them as far as food and water. Unfortunately, things were looking much less bright as far as credits. It didn’t take Rey long to realize that they were essentially broke. Nonetheless, she hauled the heavy chests into the ship, planning on taking stock of all their food and storing it in the closet with the rest. In the untouched chest, she found something extremely interesting. There at the bottom, hidden under all the rations, she spied a glint of metal. With some more moving and shifting of boxes she found none other than the hateful looking lightsaber of Kylo Ren. 

She knew he always kept it on his person or very nearby, which led her to believe that he didn’t even know it was there. Whoever had sent him off on that pod was incredibly thorough, and she wondered sadly if they would ever find who, or what, did it. 

When Rey left the shower she glanced into the cockpit and spotted Ben in the passenger seat, presumably sound asleep. She took this opportunity to quietly stash all the clothes she found and the boots inside the trunk at the end of the bed, with the lightsaber safely resting on top of it. She then allowed herself to finally get some rest, crawling under the covers and immediately drifting off to sleep, enveloped by the smell of him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mah heart, mah soul. I think I can call this one a long boi. Too long? Too short? Let me know!
> 
> ***Medicine by Daughter***

Kylo dreaded seeing Rey that morning more than he had dreaded his very own execution. In fact, he would rather take another poisonous needle to his neck than wait there for her to emerge from the bedroom. 

The rising sun’s glare off of the freshly fallen snow woke him up very early and he had hurriedly gotten up and showered; he couldn’t remember the last time that he had. He must have smelled awful. Suddenly, he became very self-aware about things he usually didn’t care about, wondering if she was not only disgusted by his tendencies, but also by his appearance. He didn’t fancy himself a particularly attractive man, and this was something that had eventually ceased to bother him as he came under Snoke’s apprenticeship. Besides, for almost 12 years he wore a mask and very few people knew what he actually looked like anyways. Except Rey, of course, since he had reveled himself to her almost immediately. 

Ben Solo had a striking resemblance to Han Solo: the same ovular facial shape accented with the same strong nose as well as the same full lips. He also had his father’s height and physique, but his mother’s rich brown eyes and regally high cheekbones. Little did he know, he also had Anakin Skywalker’s temper and Padme Amidala’s devotion to the things he deemed necessary. Somewhere on the Solo side of his lineage he had inherited the thick dark curls that contrasted greatly to the pallor of his face. He huffed at this particular aspect of his appearance, concluding to himself that not EVERYONE could be perfectly sun-kissed.

He knew this thinking was incredibly irresponsible and as much as he wished he could halt this train of thought, he hardly had any control over it. Every time he closed his eyes he envisioned the fire in Rey’s eyes as she glared up at him fiercely, making up for the drastic height difference with her sheer spite. Something about the moment was intoxicating; he had felt an incredible desire to soak in the heat that radiated off her skin. He wanted to put his hands in the fire and watch himself burn. Kylo was almost overcome with the urge to pin her to the wall and run his knuckles across the skin of her neck. His breath hitched and he placed his hands on either side of the sink while he made a conscious effort to take deep, calming breaths. This type of temptation was not one he was necessarily familiar with, but it rivaled the pull of the dark in the ways it demanded his attention. He was appalled in the ways she wore down his self-control until he was ready to snap. Her very existence had begun to rouse something long buried inside him. The purposeful seduction of strangers was something that irked him beyond belief, but Rey had no idea the things she accidently did to him. How unfortunate for her to be tied to a monster. 

He looked up at himself once again as the fog began to clear from the mirror. His hair hung in loose dripping strands around his face and the scar she gave him marred his features: a monster indeed. 

Kylo finally discarded the towel that hung loosely around his waist and pulled on his clothes. The outfit she had given him last night consisted of a pair of loose grey trousers and a black undershirt. He was grateful to be back in dark colors, for some odd reason he felt more comfortable that way. He also hadn’t failed to notice Rey’s uncharacteristically colorless outfit, noting that this was wildly different than the neutral tones she usually wore. He needed to stop thinking about that as well because eventually he would have to pull himself together enough to leave the freshener. He took a deep breath and turned the handle, quietly stepping out the door into the cooler air of the rest of the ship. He turned quickly as he heard the bedroom door creak and opened his mouth to speak as Rey stalked out of the bedroom in the same black outfit but this time it was paired high leather boots. As she brushed past him she slammed something hard against his chest and continued walking. He reached to catch it and his mouth fell open as he felt the familiar grip of his lightsaber.

“Where did you…?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She snapped, “Don’t get me killed, Ben Solo.”

He turned around to gape at her as she settled into the pilots seat and began to expertly punch in the launch sequence. As she flipped switches with her left hand she typed coordinates with her right. Against his better judgment, he sat down next to her in the co-pilot’s seat.

“Where are we going?” He asked. 

The smirk that appeared on her face made him dread her answer, “Jakku.” And she glanced over at him more seriously, “I need time to come up with a better plan and I’m somewhat of a… dessert rat. Also, this is the best place to keep us hidden since you’re supposed to be dead and the bounty on my head is bigger than your ego.” It took everything in him not to glare at her with this statement. 

“How did you get to me so fast?” He asked after a long period of silence.

“I was on Endor, luckily. I didn’t expect you to end up in the Outer Rim but obviously it worked out in your favor.”

He kept quiet, knowing he shouldn’t push the subject of the Resistance. He watched as she prepared for hyperspeed, wondering what kind of awkward encounters would occur in the next few hours of their trip. Rey stood up abruptly as the lights began to blur around them, “You need to eat.” She blurted out.

To be honest he hadn’t thought about food much, the events of last night were distracting enough that he hardly focused on the gnawing of his stomach. 

“Follow me.” She said curtly.

He trailed behind her as she led him to one of the doors in the back of the ship. She opened the door and gestured to a large supply of boxes. “As you can see we have plenty of food and water, there are some clothes in the trunk at the end of the bed. I don’t know what will fit but we’ll find more eventually.” She spun around and jammed a small finger into his chest, “It’s just you and I from now on and if we can’t get along we won’t make it to next week.” She flattened her palm on his chest and gave him a softer look, “You HAVE to trust me.”

Rey’s heart raced inside of her chest as he gently pinned her hands against his chest and looked deep into her eyes. “I do.” He said earnestly, and despite herself she believed him. 

“Good.” She breathed and they slowly pulled apart.

They ate breakfast in compatible silence, both gazing up at the blue haze that enveloped the ship. Rey reveled in this moment that they weren’t fighting or dying, and she realized they had never really had an honest conversation face to face. Everything that had transpired between them to this point had been combative or violent, and she thought for the first time that maybe the distrust he felt was only second nature. When was the last time Ben Solo could trust somebody? Could she blame him for being wary because he was constantly around dangerous people? Even Rey herself had left him bleeding out in the snow and unconscious on the Supremacy as it fell apart. 

Before she could stop herself she opened her mouth, “I’m sorry about… about the throne room.” She braced for his reaction, turning to look at him.

He continued to stare up into space and murmured, “It isn’t as if I don’t know why. You act as if I don’t know what kind of person I am, Rey.” He turned his head to meet her gaze, “Apparently we ended up here anyways.”

This actually made her laugh out loud, and she looked back up the stars as the ship abruptly exited hyperspeed. She took the controls again and steered them towards the barren red planet. Quite frankly, neither of them had any idea what was in store, but they both knew this marked the beginning of it. 

 

Rey had a general idea of where her AT-AT was located on the planet. Or actually, she knew where Niima Outpost was and also knew for certain that she lived very close. Luckily she spotted it from very high up, just speck of grey among the incredibly large expanse of rolling sand dunes. She was careful not to fly directly over the outpost, opting to take a wider swooping route and gently settling the carrier only a small ways away from her former home. 

She didn’t dare look at Ben as they both gathered the supplies they would need for the next few days at least. They had debated simply staying on the ship, but decided against it. Most residents didn’t own vehicles of that size and expense and having one right out in the middle of nowhere could possibly call unwanted attention to them during their time there. They wanted to blend in as much as possible to avoid prying eyes. 

Rey knew of a cavern not too far from where she had lived. It had once held a damaged TIE-Fighter and nobody knew how it got there. The space reached pretty far back so she was sure that nobody would see it until they got very, very close. She only hoped that nobody would set foot in the cave for the short time that they would spend on Jakku. In case this happened, they would be moving everything important into the AT-AT. 

When Ben exited the ship with a trunk of the rations, Rey sat on the edge of the bed and dug out the long scrap of cloth that she had once used daily to protect herself from the sand and heat. It had been so long since she needed this, she hadn’t even thought about these articles of clothing but for some reason she kept them for all this time. They reminded her of where she came from, and the trials that had made her who she was. A lump in her throat formed as she entered the freshener and carefully changed into the sand tinted outfit once again. When she looked in the mirror she was suddenly Rey of Jakku once more: a starving child who only wished for her family to come and retrieve her. She sniffled a little bit as she pulled her hair out of her face and slowly braided it to the side. Her heart ached and she began to think that maybe it was a bad idea to come here. She padded back to the bedroom to slip on her worn brown boots, pausing for another few moments to collect herself enough to once again step foot inside the barren metal contraption that she had once called home. She shouldered her bag and stepped down the ramp into the blazing heat, comforting herself with the fact that she would fare much better here than in the freezing cold landscape of Hoth. 

Rey slowly made her way to the makeshift door she had fashioned for the fallen contraption, her feet moving silently in the sand. She paused in the doorway and glanced around the room. She spotted Ben across the room, moving his fingers gently across the thousands of tick marks that marked the days she had waited to be rescued. And this only represented a small portion of that time. She knew he wasn't purposefully projecting his sadness over the bond but she could feel it. She could almost feel the tiny scratches and indents as he touched them, his mind wondering far away to thoughts that she did not know. 

“Are you ready?” She asked softly.

“Rey.” He whipped around, completely unaware that she had been standing behind him. He glanced back at the wall and then to her with a small spark of panic in his eyes and she sensed the apology that was forming in his mind.

She shook her head, “Don’t. This… I’m not her anymore.” She carefully set her bag down on a small table nearby and turned to walk out the door. 

Kylo took a moment longer to leave, trying to comprehend the life that she had once lived. The far wall was almost completely filled with the small tallies, one for every day that she spent alone and hungry but hopeful. He clenched his fists, suddenly feeling the urge to put a hole right through the blasted wall and tear away all the reminders of her solitude.

You’re not alone.

Neither are you.

 

The trip to the hiding spot was very close, which meant the following walk was relatively short and uneventful. To their relief they didn’t see a single soul on the way back to the AT-AT. Both her and Ben walked in thoughtful silence, caught up in their respective minds and fairly content like that. Despite the emptiness of the dunes they both remained alert with their faces covered and their lightsabers concealed but in easy reach. This as such was the life of two of the most highly wanted individuals in the galaxy. They both hid their faces behind gauzy wraps just as a precaution, although their saving grace was that nobody would quite expect “The Jedi Killer” and “The Last Jedi” to be seen together, mostly because Kylo Ren had been executed in front of the entire galaxy. 

By the time they were arriving at their little temporary home the sun had started to set, bathing everything in a soft golden glow. They paused in the hue of the setting sun and looked at each other, sharing a silent and very private moment in time. They would cherish these peaceful seconds, both reveling in the wholeness they felt but also shying away from the attachment. 

When they returned they put down every blanket on the floor, more for cushioning than anything due to the heat that persisted even into the night hours. Rey liked it, it was sort of like a nest and she settled into it comfortably with a box of rations in her lap. Ben sat directly in front of her, taking up significantly more space than his smaller counterpart so their knees were touching as they ate.

“Can I ask where you learned to force heal?” Ben filled the silent room with the low timbre of his voice.

She looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. “I was in battle a few months ago, and we became incredibly outnumbered. I tried to buy my squadron a little more time by taking on the battalion on my own. I ended up getting shot through my left shoulder. I somehow got back onto a ship and they were trying to give me medical help. They couldn’t stop the bleeding so I just… did it. I don’t know, it felt natural. That’s how I’ve come across most of these things. Usually just by instinct.”

Kylo gave her a stunned look, “By inst… wait what else can you do?” Something about her words alluded to the fact that the Force Healing was only the tip of the iceberg. 

“Oh… not long after that I discovered something I hadn’t heard of before. It’s… unique.”

“Show me.” He was completely mesmerized as she lifted her hand to place it on his head, with the heel of her hand pressing into his forehead. He felt a rush of complete exhaustion and then suddenly his energy peaked. He felt terribly sad, and then felt completely content. She removed her hand and placed it back in her lap gazing into his eyes intensely. 

“Incredible.” He murmured. 

“There are limitations of course. I can only do it with contact. And I don’t use it to manipulate people in negative ways; I don’t like to disrupt the natural flow of emotions. But I do what I can.” She looked at her hands and her voice got quieter, “In your cell that night, after I healed you, I could feel your unrest, so I pushed you into a deeper sleep.” 

“Rey I’m sorry…”

She cut off his apology for the second time that evening, “I know you didn’t mean what you said. And I’m also not asking for praise. I’m telling you so that you’re aware.”

He nodded solemnly and then stood up to take their empty rations to the table. Rey looked up at him from her cross-legged position, “Bedtime?” She asked, gently unweaving her long auburn hair from her braid. 

Kylo looked down at her with a certain warmness in his eyes and nodded. 

Later that night, Rey was awoken by a familiar feeling of restlessness radiating through the bond. She turned towards Ben worriedly and crawled over him to kneel near his waist. She sat back onto her heels and looked upon him worriedly. One hand was gripping the fabric over his heart until his knuckles turned white and his breathing was shallow. As she reached for his mind she felt sheer terror and white hot pain to accompany it, even her secondhand feeling of it brought tears to her eyes. She gently slid her legs out from under her and leaned over his body, the silky tendrils of her hair brushing against his chest. Rey gently pressed her hand to his forehead once more, granting him peace and comfort.

She laid down on her side with her elbow resting on his chest and her hand running gently through his thick waves. That night, Rey fell asleep with her fingers entwined in Ben Solo’s hair, bathed in a pool of light under the two moons of Jakku.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you hate when you and your sand girlfriend have to live in a piece of old toppled machinery because everyone wants to kill you? Yeah, me too. 
> 
> ***Let Me Down Slowly by Alec Benjamin***
> 
> Also has anybody watched Ex Machina? Starring my lil Irish potato chip? It fucked me up I'm just putting that out there.

He treasured these quiets nights that they had together where they simply existed within the moment. As the days became unbearably hot they chose to spend them sleeping in the shade, preferring to come out in the night and enjoy the safety that the dark offered. The dusk was now their morning, and they would eat breakfast as the sun set. In the coolness of the evening they were able to train without the fear of discovery. Obviously they couldn’t spar with their lightsabers, but they did go on long jogs in the sand, building up their strength and stamina. Workouts were a strange kind of bonding where they pushed each other for miles, and shared the exhaustion and relief of having done something active. It gave both Rey and Ben a sense of purpose when they felt less like sitting ducks and more like training warriors, which they were.

Frankly, they had no idea what they were actually training for. Obviously they couldn’t just hide forever while they contained the power to liberate themselves. It wasn’t just about them anymore, as Hux’s reign brought fear and destruction, Ben slowly came to the conclusion that the First Order was no longer as progressive that he hoped it would become. After Snoke’s death, he went back to the drawing board and tried to draw inspiration from Rey’s mercy and his own vision. They would focus on balance more than domination and he hoped that if they could find a way to rally the people then they could move forward collectively instead of forcing hands. A willful reform seemed like it was worth a try. 

The weight of the world falls on the knowledgeable, and Ben and Rey were no strangers to the pressure. There were always expectations and demands to be met and they were similar in the fact that they were given little room to change and grow; they were the victims of long dead cultures and ancient rivalries. Both were forced to uphold the values of people they had never even met in wars in which they never fought. Within the light Rey was expected to be the flawless warrior of the extinct Jedi Order. Not once had anyone asked what Rey wanted from her life. No, she was sucked into something that was much larger than her as a teenager much like Ben Solo and robbed of her choices. Rey was every bit of a prisoner as Kylo Ren. Maybe this is why they understood each other so well. Despite their incredible differences, they shared the loneliness that stems from total accountability. With the increasing animosity towards the Force sensitives, Ben realized that they both had become nothing but tools to both sides of the war. 

So every night, they reveled in the freedom to feel. On the battlefield they weren’t granted the right to their natural emotion, but in their solitude and equality they became human again. There was no use for words as the feelings and emotions flickered back and forth along the bond and sometimes they would sit for hours in the dim moonlight without a saying a single thing. 

“There was an old woman I met at the Outpost. She wouldn’t tell me her name, saying that her identity was far less important than the lessons she could teach. She told me stories of gods and goddesses and the creation of the universe; an ancient power that bound us all. As a child she told me stories of how the moons came to be. She said they were created from the same earth and they walked the same path. They were lovers, and the sun became jealous of the light they cast together in the darkness while it sat alone. It chased them across the sky each day, never granting them peace yet they shone nonetheless. Ever since they have been fleeing from the sun, hiding in the day and shining in the night. The sun became angry and hotter and the animals suffered while the flowers wilted. But every night the moons would come back and revive what was burned in the day.” Rey spun her tale in a soft voice and her pleasant lilting accent, gazing contentedly out the small window of the AT-AT. Of course she knew the stories weren’t real, but she enjoyed the magic and wonderment that she had felt listening to them as a child. 

“That seems sad,” Ben responded, sitting back thoughtfully in his chair, “that they will never be able be at peace.”

Rey cocked her head at him and the corner of her lip quirked up, but the half smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and she looked somewhat sad, “They serve a purpose, I suppose, the sacrifice of two for the life of many.”

Ben pondered this for a moment, thinking of the small plants and flowers that died in the Jakky sun, “How did you survive… here? As a child?”

Rey sighed, “I haven’t always lived in here. When I was sold to Plutt, I slept in varying places around Niima. I was only a child so several women took me in. I began to scavenge wreckages when I was quite young but I learned fast seeing as my life depended on it. As I grew up I depended less on others and more on myself. I learned to defend myself against my rivals and found this AT-AT when I was probably twelve. I lived her for about seven years before I… well you know the rest.” Ben snorted at this and looked down into his plate of rations. It was a vague answer but an answer nonetheless. With time she would hopefully tell him more, he longed to know all of the things that made her who she was, all the things that made her so fascinating. 

“It’s your turn.” She said.

“…My turn?”

“It’s your turn to tell me more about yourself.” 

His eyes got wider and he gave her a slightly incredulous look. Why would she want to? She had made her decision on how she viewed him long ago. Would it matter if she learned anything more about him? He chewed on the inside of his lip, “What do you want to know?”

“Snoke.” She stated simply, staring into his eyes intently, “I want to know what happened to you.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, “You want to know why I am the way I am.”

Guilt flashes across her face and she looked down at her hands, “Yes.” She whispered.

For a moment she thought he was going to get angry with her. It wasn’t the most polite way to strike up a difficult conversation. Rey was almost positive that she had crossed a line as he simply stared at her blankly for a long second. She was so surprised when he started speaking that she nearly jumped.

“He sensed me when I was young, inserted himself into my mind as a child. But he merely fed my anger, he didn’t create it. He was a cruel master but an effective one, and he was adamant in gaining my loyalty. He believed that pain was the greatest tool, and in some ways he was right. He tortured me until I was calloused and I then became a powerful asset. I was never a victim Rey, I was simply molded into a weapon.” His expression remained flat and unfeeling, but inside his mind she could feel his walls slam down around him protectively. She was not allowed any more insight than that and he grew cold to her for the first time since they came here.

For a long while they sat at the table, facing each other in a tense silence that hung heavy in the room. She regretted the result of the question but she no didn’t regret asking it. He could interpret Snoke’s training however he wished but so could she. Rey refused to pity Ben, but she also refused to ignore the ways in which he was manipulated and betrayed. Ben Solo had never known peace, and this made her genuinely sad. He had been just a child when he was snatched by the hands of a demon that nobody could see. Did he ever have a chance? How many of his decisions had been his own? 

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t.”

“Ben…”

“I’m not Ben.”

“I beg to differ.” Rey could already see where this was headed as soon as he jerked out his chair and towered over her.

She stood up as well, albeit much slower as if approaching a wild animal. He clenched his fists, “You made your decision, Rey. You already decided that I’m a monster so tell me right now. Tell me how much of a monster I am.” His voice was low and dangerous as he stepped closer to her, his eyes burning murderously as he stalked her like prey.

But she wasn’t afraid, she couldn’t be afraid in the face of a man who couldn’t hurt her without risking his own life. She stood her ground, refusing to step back from him or take her eyes off of his. “Stop.”

“Tell me.” He said louder this time, taking yet another step into her space.

“No.” She said calmly, gazing up at him with what she hoped was a serene mask. On the inside she felt less than serene, instead she felt extremely guilty. She regretted her blatant assumptions and her refusal to see things in shades of grey. Over the past week she had begun to comprehend just how complicated he was: a complete enigma. He was unfeeling, but brimming with emotion. He was indestructible, but also one crack away from crumbling. Nothing was cut and dry anymore, Rey’s black and white view of the world had been pulled right out from under her feet. “Only Sith deal in absolutes.” She chided herself silently.

“Tell me, Rey! Tell me what I’ve done!” He roared. Their chests were almost touching and she had to crane her neck slightly to be able to keep their eyes locked. She stayed silent, looking up at him defiantly as his eyes drowned in rage and hurt and fear. She wanted him to let her in; she needed to know what kind of storm was brewing under the surface of his skin. Her body reacted to his pain, instinctually wanting to take it away and shoulder some of the weight of the burden of his past. And that’s exactly what it was wasn’t it? The past. Just as Rey had to leave behind the scavenger from Jakku, Ben Solo would have to release Kylo Ren. 

Rey moved her hand slowly, cupping his cheek with her palm and looking into his eyes gently as he unintentionally leaned into his touch. He needed it. He needed her kind touches to pull him back from the edge. Sometimes this was all she could give. 

“Let the past die, Ben Solo.” She whispered, stroking his chin with the pad of her thumb. He closed his eyes and they stayed there for a long time. She was almost pressed up against his chest.

Ben on the other hand was having an exceptionally hard time breathing. With a touch she had completely rerouted his mind and rendered him vulnerable. He opened up the bond again just a little bit, but it was more to feel her comfort and less to communicate his feelings. She was so close but he didn’t dare touch her. He thought it a better idea to keep his hands dangling at his side. He closed his eyes and soaked her in and came to the conclusion that she could probably run him through with his own lightsaber right now and he wouldn’t move an inch. She lightly brushed her lips against the bottom of his jaw and stepped away.

“I’m going to step outside for a moment. I’ll be right back.”

Ben nodded and stood still as she brushed past him and quietly slid outside. He felt a fire burning in the bottom of his stomach as he thought about her lips on his skin. She had no idea the things that ran through his mind in that very instant, however short it may have been. He saw himself push her against the wall, capturing her delicate lips with his own, running one hand down her curves and gripping her hip and the other tangling in her hair. He groaned out loud and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“How in the hell am I going to survive the next few months?” He said to the empty room. It had only been a week and he had already begun to think like an absolute animal, he could hardly focus with her so near. If Hux didn’t kill him, then Rey probably would. 

Just then she burst through the door with her eyes wide and panicked. “They’re here. We have to go RIGHT NOW.” Her words were followed by a distant sound that they knew all too well: chaos.

Kylo whipped around and started gathering up odds and ends that they would need on the ship. He snatched her clothes off the rack where they were hanging and shoved them deep in the pack, following with his own clothing and a few bottles of water just in case.

“Leave the rations. Just leave them we have plenty.” She said tensely, trying to erase any evidence that they had ever been there. She bunched up the blankets and tied them up in another pack that she slung over her shoulder. Rey called out to Ben and tossed him his face wrap as they both began to cover up quickly, hearts beating fearfully and fingers trembling with the adrenaline and the extreme rush to escape. They even dusted sand over their footprints to erase those too.

As soon as they were packed they rushed out and slammed the door shut behind them, and with their fingers tangled desperately together they ran in the darkness away from the AT-AT. Kylo heard the gunshots coming from the direction of the outpost and saw as a large flash of light glare behind him. Rey spun around and looked at the burning rubble in the distance, her eyes zeroing in on the flames that enveloped the town. 

She threw her hand over her mouth as tears filled her eyes. Bile rose up in her throat as she heard the distant screams of the people as explosions and blaster fire sounded sporadically and echoed throughout the empty desert. She saw a white hot cloud of flame and ash rose above Niima and could almost see the white armored Troopers as they laid waste to hundreds of innocent people. 

Ben tugged on her hand, “Don’t look, don’t look, we have to go Rey.” She stumbled as she turned to follow him and he steadied her before they took off again into the night. If anyone passed overhead they would be immediately spotted, and they would be killed within minutes. It was either they got to cover or they died in a flurry of blasts from an overhead TIE Fighter. Ben and Rey released each other’s hands as they heard the shots become sparser and the screams begin to stop.

“Don’t look back. Don’t look back.” They chanted through the bond.

The mouth of the cave came into view, blessedly pitch black and completely concealing their carrier in the back. They ran straight through the dark into safety and simultaneously fell to the ground, scooting backwards further into the darkness and gulping air into their lungs. Ben reached for Rey as the tears began to spill down her cheeks and she buried her face into his shoulder. He held her tightly against him as he gazed with fearful eyes over her shoulder and into the distance, where the sun had just begun to rise.

 

Hux had made it a point to make a personal appearance to the raid in Jakku. He trusted nobody else with the task of finding that filthy scavenger. He figured that if he couldn’t find a Resistance Base, then he should at least find more information about her. What did he really know about her anyways? She was a nobody from that desert wasteland, just another piece of trash from that garbage chute of a planet. He knew her face, and that could be useful. He also had footage of her that he could easily broadcast just about everywhere. In fact, that was the first thing he did. He put an enormous bounty on her head immediately and counted on the flocks of bounty hunters and filthy smugglers that would balk at the opportunity to receive that much money. 

He also knew that she once had Kylo Ren wrapped around her finger and she was the driving force in Ren’s treachery. Not that this mattered; Hux had been waiting to put him down since they met. But still, their interactions piqued his interest. Then again, what use would it be now? The probability that the girl would come to avenge Ren’s death was slim to none. 

The slow going process of finding her was making Hux incredibly angry. Thirty different bounty hunters brought thirty different brown haired women and they were all completely wrong. Hux had executed them all, figuring he would reduce the risk of failure if he reduced the number of Rey look-alikes. After a few weeks of little progress Hux prepared a ship and a battalion to “interview” the people of the Outpost that she had been seen at before she left with the traitor in that disgusting ship.

So he had personally arrived at Jakku and given then order to round up the people and put them on their knees. His anger grew with every pathetic trader and salesperson, each of them giving unsatisfactory answers.

“We haven’t seen that scavenger in years.”

“I think I heard she died.”

“She got killed by Kylo Ren, didn’t she?”

“Rey? I don’t know no Rey.”

He came upon a filthy old woman dressed in rags and smeared with dirt. “The moon will run as the sun rises. You will never see success.” She whispered softly, her hands trembling but her eyes holding his with a steely expression.

Hux leaned in close to her, leveling his face with hers, “I already have.” He spat. “Burn them all!” He shouted. “And turn the town to dust.” He said as an afterthought.

He turned on his heel and walked up the ramp of the sleek black ship as he heard the hiss of the gas and the ignition of the flames. Several more soldiers began to set the buildings ablaze. The smell of burning flesh and ash filled the air and the Supreme Leader smirked, satisfied with his work.

He would burn down every town, level every trading post, and eliminate every Resistance base until she had nowhere left to hide. 

“I’ll burn you alive, scavenger.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's AbOuT TiMe
> 
> ***Slip by Elliot Moss***

“So you let Rey…”

“Uh huh.”

“Our friend and our strongest soldier…”

“Correct.”

“Run off on a carrier…”

“Right.”

“TO FIND KYLO FUCKING REN?”

Poe blinked at his friend, “That was… VULGAR Rose.”

She poked her pointer finger into his chest and glared up at him, “I’m telling the General.”

“I’m telling the General.” Poe mimicked her in a mocking tone behind her quickly retreating back.

Finn gave him an annoyed look, “Are you actually twelve?”

Poe delivered him a devastatingly charming grin before they both hurried after Rose, who was still angrily en route to Leia. She had already rapped on the door to the General’s quarters when the boys caught up to her, both of them looking guilty and fearful.

“Come in.” They herd her say and Rose practically busted through the door.

“Rey is gone!” Rose announced looking frantically at the General who was sitting quietly at her desk.

Leia looked up from her holopad and assessed them all with an unreadable expression, “Yes she is.” She said flatly, and continued her work.

“I… Wait what?” Poe spoke up from the back, prepared to beg for forgiveness and accept his inevitable demotion to an engine cleaner or a base janitor. But Leia’s casual response caught him off guard and he stuttered.

“Close the door.” She said flatly, looking towards Finn and nodding at the handle. He pulled it shut and Leia placed her hands under her chin with her steepled fingers pressed against her lip, gazing at them intently. “I’m more attuned to Rey than I am to my own child. I felt her leave.”

Everyone was silent for a moment before Rose spoke up again, “So how are we going to find her? Is there a tracker on the carrier?”

This time Finn was the one who answered, “Any effort we make to reach them will put Rey in danger. We can’t find her without the First Order finding her as well.”

She thought for a moment, “So that’s why she left? She left to go find Kylo Ren”

Leia shook her head and smiled a little, “No. She left because she FOUND Kylo Ren. Or at least, she knew where to look.”

Leia wasn’t surprised that Rey left, but she was a little impressed at how fast she set off without any hesitation. Still, the thought of Rey out on her own with such an enormous bounty on her head scared Leia stiff. Maybe she wasn’t alone, but Rey’s permanent immunity to her son didn’t make her feel much better. “As far as anyone else is concerned, Rey is on a mission. It is top secret. This stays between us four until she returns. I don’t want to risk any information getting out to the First Order. Very few people know that Kylo Ren is alive and I’d like to keep it that way.”

Rose’s face fell, “So that’s it? Rey is gone and we’re just going to accept that?”

Finn spoke up, “I trust Rey. I would trust Rey with my life. I also know that she knows more about this than all of us. I know this is all crazy, but I think she knows what she’s doing. Besides, Hux already assumes she will be with the Resistance, he would never guess that she is running off with Ren because as far as he knows Kylo is dead. We will keep playing the same old game with the First Order and Rey will do what she has to do.” As he finished, he looked up to Leia who was smirking.

“I thought the same thing. We will continue to do what we do best and keep dancing with the First Order. And Rey will do what she does best, which is surviving. Poe, do you have anything to add?” Leia looked to the flyboy, who had remained uncharacteristically silent.

He stroked his chin for a thoughtful second, “Okay… Okay, okay, okay.” Poe held up his hands, “Rey said they were equals, right?”

“Yes.” Leia nodded.

“So Ren and Rey together is… double the power?”

Leia shook her head, “Rey and Kylo Ren took down Snoke and his entire guard within minutes. I’d say it’s much more than double the power.”

They all thought of that for a second. Despite the obvious objection to having to work WITH Kylo Ren, his power combined with Rey’s could turn the tides of the entire war. 

“But… He would die before helping our cause.” Rose said quietly, “So that leaves us with neither of them since they can’t fight each other. How do you know Rey will even come back?”

Leia took a deep breath, “Where Rey goes, my son will follow. Even if they don’t come back here, I have no doubt that their actions will be to help take down Hux.”

Rose visibly deflated with this, “So you’re saying we might never see her again?”

“No. I’m saying you need to trust your friend.”

 

They both sat on edge of the cot, staring blankly at the far wall. Rey was thinking about the innocent people who had lost their lives because of her very existence. She put her face in her hands. This was her fault, the responsibility fell on her shoulders. She would have to assume they were all dead. Why would Hux burn down all the buildings and leave the civilians alive? If she had to guess she would say that Hux was most likely on Jakku to ask questions regarding her whereabouts. Was he onto them? How could he possibly already know that she was no longer hiding with the Resistance? She groaned and rubbed her temples with her fingers. If Hux knew that she was there he would have scoured the entire planet, but they had only destroyed Niima, as if he was simply gathering intel about her: a good hunter knows it’s prey. If he was focused on finding her she was sure he was still oblivious to the fact that Ben was still alive. This was probably their only saving grace. 

Kylo was also feeling guilty but for many different reasons. As he watched the Outpost burn in the distance he remembered a similar sight that he had created with his own hands on his own orders. He had cause wreckage like this, and he had ruined the lives of innocents as well. He could feel Rey’s unrest within the bond and maybe this was the reason, maybe she knew she was sitting next to a man that was no better than Armitage Hux. And she would be correct, he was no better. In fact, he was probably worse, she would eventually realize that there was nothing redeemable in Ben Solo. Even the best scavenger on Jakku wouldn’t be able to salvage something good from him.

But he was wrong, that wasn’t at all what Rey was focused on. She already knew the destruction he caused, and it wasn’t her place to forgive him for it. His past was permanent, and he did what he did. There was no taking it back and no point in constantly reminding him of it. She knew he was aware for his sins. Instead, Rey saw the humanity in his eyes as he watched a city burn, and he saw a man where she once saw a monster. The world wasn’t as simple as ‘good’ and ‘evil’ like she wished it were. Rey saw so much worth saving in Ben that it was startling. Now free from the chains that Snoke had placed on him, he was once again in control, and so far it had been impressive. She knew nothing of the reforms that he was trying to put through within the First Order, Rey realized that by himself he could have enacted the vision that HE believed in. And the execution of this plan would have been much less bloody than Snoke’s. She wouldn’t say Ben was a good man by a long shot, be he could be. He definitely could be. 

“I think we both know what we need to do.” He mumbled, staring at his hands clasped in front of him. 

She turned to him, “Kill the bastard?”

Ben smirked and met her eyes, “Kill the bastard.”

A strong sense of camaraderie passed between them, and for the first time Rey and Ben were officially on the same page. 

“But how?” She whispered.

“We’ll get a plan but right now… We need to get the hell out of Jakku.” He frowned, “But I don’t know where we could go.”

Rey looked thoughtfully into the distance for a moment, “We can’t go to Endor. The Resistance base is there. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to Hoth. Tatooine is a bad idea as well, I’m a… frequent visitor. Naboo?”

Kylo shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet Rey’s eyes, “Na... I mean… If you want to.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, “What?” And then a look of pure horror washed over her face and she opened her mouth, “You’re… Oh gods I must have just… forgotten about your... grandmother.” Rey looked appalled and Ben looked… Shy? 

“Something tells me that it’s a poor time to announce my lineage to the people of Naboo.” He mumbled as he distractedly toyed with the blanket beneath them.

“I agree completely. But do you have another idea?”

“No… The Naboo are a peaceful people. There will be few bounty hunters as well. We could stay there for a longer period of time to decide what to do. I know of a place outside of the capital city, hopefully it’s still empty.” 

Rey nodded nervously, she had never visited Naboo but she had heard about it from Leia a long time ago. She knew it was quite beautiful but she was still apprehensive. If Ben was of royal blood then wouldn’t there be a higher possibility of them being recognized? She knew he had been taken there as a boy, was it possible that someone would be able to connect the dots?

“When will we leave?” She asked.

“Not for a couple hours when we won’t be detected leaving the atmosphere. For now we could get some rest.”

She simply nodded and curled up in the bed behind him. He took this as his queue, and stood up to retire to the cockpit 

“Ben.” She said quietly. He turned to look down at her questioningly, “Stay. Please?”

His heart leapt to his throat and a light blush rose to his cheeks. He didn’t want to misinterpret what she was asking of him, he wondered if it was just sheer exhaustion that made her want this and he wondered if he should just say no and stay completely safe. Rey just stared up at him; nibbling her lip anxiously She had gotten so used to sleeping next to him that the thought of being far apart made her feel vulnerable, and after the night they just had she could really use the comfort. His dark curls fell gently into his face and his eyes swirled darkly. His face portrayed an emotion that she couldn’t quite identify. Rey’s heart began to pound with that look in his eyes and the fear that he would turn and walk out the door. But it just pounded harder as he hesitantly sat back down on the edge of the bed and swung his legs onto the mattress. He laid back and wrapped his arm around her, letting her head rest in the crook of his shoulder. 

Kylo looked back up at the ceiling and tried to take calm, measured breathes. He hoped to the Gods that she was oblivious to his pounding heart and she hadn’t changed her mind about it. After a short moment she turned slightly towards him and placed one small hand over his heart. 

Under her fingers she could feel the heat of his skin and the hard surface of his chest. Rey didn’t usually think of any kind of… romance. She never found it necessary when compared to fighting for her life. She was always either trying not to starve or trying not to get killed in battle, this all left very little room for her to develop any kind of love life. She was so incredibly inexperienced that it was embarrassing. This kind of thing didn’t usually bother her.Actually, she hadn’t even given it a thought until recently. But as she gazed longingly at the smooth skin of his neck and the curve of his jaw, she realized that this was now something she cared about VERY MUCH. It had only been as of late that she came to terms with the fact that she might be a little attracted to Ben Solo, son of the General she served and former leader of the First Order. She was lying in bed with the same man whom she had once fought so viciously, going absolutely mad with the thought of running her lips up the side of his neck and running her fingers across the planes of his chiseled torso. She sincerely hoped that none of her current desires transpired across the bond, fearing that he would sense her longing and pull away. 

As she turned completely onto her side, Ben began to rub slow circles on the small of her back until her eyes grew heavy. Rey was soon fast asleep but he stayed awake for a long time, simply listening to the sound of her breathing as it evened out and deepened. He gazed down at her face, almost trying to memorize her features as if this was the last night she would sleep so close, and it very well could be. Her eyebrows drew together slightly an she sleepily slid her hand up his chest to rest it on the side of his neck, simultaneously wrapping one slim leg up across his waist. He had to bite his knuckles to keep himself under control. It seemed like forever before Ben was able to slip into unconsciousness, dreaming only of long tanned legs and pale pink lips. 

 

Rey woke up alone to the sound of running water. She assumed Ben must have woken up a while ago to freshen up so she took this small opportunity of privacy to change into a fresh pair of clothes and comb through her hair with her fingers, trying to coax out the tangles. 

She blushed when she recollected on the previous night, even though the event was relatively innocent. It was her own wild thoughts that made her anxious and shy. It felt like she had changed the game and she no longer knew how to play. With physical contact they moved into dangerous and unexplored territory but she wanted it. She was almost disturbed by how much she desired to push it farther and farther until there was nowhere left to go. She let out a shaky sigh and brushed the hair out of her face. How could any of this possibly end well for them? For all she knew he could only be thinking about this all platonically, like they were nothing but comrades. And wasn’t that what it should be? It would certainly be far less complicated like that. 

She panicked when she heard the water cut off, completely forgetting that she was supposed to be coming up with a plan for seeing him again. She skittered out of the bedroom and into the cockpit where she quickly settled into the pilots seat to give the illusion that she had been completely relaxed and sitting there the whole time. It took everything in her not to turn to peek as she heard the door open up and his footsteps draw closer to her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him settle into the co-pilot’s seat and look straight ahead. 

“Are you ready?” He asked coldly and she felt a small pang of hurt in her chest but she feigned indifference. 

“Yes. Type in the coordinates.” She responded with an imitation of his frigidity. 

Rey maneuvered the carrier into open air and they exited atmosphere in complete silence. He reached over to punch in the numbers but he kept as much distance between them as he could. Rey gritted her teeth angrily as they jerked into hyperspeed. Without a word he stood and crossed the room to sit at the bench in the back as if he couldn’t stand being in such close proximity to her. Rey tried not to feel offended, she wasn’t sure why she behaved as if last night would change anything. Regardless of their dependency on each other in the current situation, she hadn’t even considered that maybe he wanted to carry on as cold and distant comrades. It was extremely selfish of her to expect any more than that. He was not obligated to treat her in any sort of way. Ben hadn’t asked for the bond any more than she had. Maybe Rey’s feelings stemmed from the moment he struck down Snoke instead of her. But did he solely do it for his own liberation? Now that she thought about it, everything he had done for her had been mutually beneficial. If this was the case then why had he ever laid down yesterday? He could have easily coolly breezed out of the room and avoided any confusion or speculation. He could have said no when she asked him to stay. Rey felt her cheeks flush and to her dismay her eyes begin to sting. 

She shot up out of her chair angrily and stomped across the room to the bedroom. As she passed Ben she saw him avert his eyes away from her completely. It was likely that if he had done this to anyone else they wouldn’t have even perceived the small movement, but Rey’s observant nature damned him the second he did it. Little did he know, this small action would sting Rey like a slap in the face.

Rey whipped around towards him violently with a look of rage that he didn’t often see in her deep hazel eyes, “What is WRONG with you?” She demanded, staring him down so vehemently that he almost felt as if she could burn a hole right through his head. 

“Excuse me?” He asked indifferently, which only enraged Rey even further.

“You… are a CHILD. I should have left you on Jakku.” With this she turned back around and strode angrily down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door behind her. She refused to let herself cry and instead focused on pacing back and forth across the room. Arguments were just like battle in the sense that she constantly had to redirect her plan of action and try to predict the next move of her opponent. But Kylo was just as frustrating off the battlefield as he was on it. Sometimes he was focused and sometimes he was erratic, she was frequently vexed at his unpredictability. Rey also found herself blown away by his tenacity, which had presented itself blatantly in the years he dedicated to scouring the universe to hunt her down. But now she just wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure why his distant behavior wounded her so bad.

There was a curt knock on her door and she froze before jerking it open and looking up at a stone faced Ben.

“Rey.” He said her name as if he was saying the word ‘yes’ in affirmation to a simple question.

“It’s in your best interest to walk away.” She responded icily, moving to close the door before he caught it with his hand. 

“I’m sorry.” He said just as emotionlessly. 

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for!” She said, tossing her hands up in the air.

Ben’s eyebrows drew together and he scrunched his eyes a little, “I do.”

“You’re so… so hot and cold! I can’t keep up with you sometimes because you pull me in to shove me back out and you make me absolutely furious but sometimes I don’t even know. We are on the run from EVERYBODY in the galaxy and we are ALWAYS in danger but YOU can find the time and the energy to be cold and distant which is completely uncalled for, might I say. Not to mention you’re absolutely impossible to read because you INSIST on blocking me out of OUR bond. So I never know what you feel. Not only are you an enigma but you’re also and ASS.” She ranted angrily, jamming her finger into his chest like she was always so prone to do.

Now it was Ben’s turn to get angry, “Really Rey? I’M the enigma? As if you don’t change your mind about me every other day?! Some days you’re hell bent on killing me and others I wake up with your fingers in my hair!”

Rey blushed deeply and opened her mouth to speak before snapping it shut again. “I don’t know, Ben! I don’t know what you think or do or feel because you don’t TELL me!”

“Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure you don’t know what I feel?” He asked only slightly quieter, but still giving Rey no insight into what it was that she was supposed to know.

“NO!” She yelled back, “Murderous rage? Insurmountable fury? The great Kylo Ren is too good to talk about last night?! You could have just said no.” She refused to back down but her voice broke slightly with the last sentence and she hated herself for the way her voice faltered there at the end. 

“Wha… Rey! Is this seriously what you’re talking about? You’re concerned that I didn't want to stay last night?”

“As if you haven’t been absolutely FRIGID all morning. What other conclusion did you expect me to come to, please tell. Because I’m not sure what else to think!”

“You think I… You’re angry because you think I don’t WANT you?” Kylo said, completely incredulous.

“Want me?”

In the heavy silence that followed Ben saw his opportunity with perfect clarity, as if a thick fog in his mind had cleared miraculously. He moved quickly, pinning her against the wall with his body and tangling his hands in her soft auburn waves before crushing his lips to hers. He kissed her desperately after such little thought, only taking half a second to process the multitude of different responses she could possibly have to his sudden boldness. But the last thing he expected was the feeling of her hand sliding up his chest and around his neck and the resulting moan as he deepened the kiss in response. He ran one hand down the impossibly soft skin of her cheek to rest on the side of her neck, coaxing her lips apart with his. With his other hand he gripped the curve of her waist and pulled her even closer until their bodies were fit flush against each other, relishing in the sound of her sigh when he slid his hand from her waist to her hip. The heat between them became feverish and he was once against wholly consumed by the desire to burn in her flames.

Rey saw stars behind her eyelids and her heart beat impossibly hard in her chest at the feeling of his chest pressed against hers. With the one hand that wasn’t ensnared in his soft, dark curls she ghosted her fingertips over the ridges if his abdomen, earning a deep groan that vibrated from deep in his chest. She was intoxicated by the feel of his plush lips against hers and it spurred on a startling bravery within her. Rey captured his bottom lip between her teeth and lightly tugged at it before tilting his chin up to brush her lips down his neck.

Ben hissed through his teeth and groaned, “Fuck, Rey.”

He bent down to deliver one last smoldering kiss before leaning his forehead against hers, both of them breathing heavily and burning up.

“You drive me insane.” She whispered, dragging her hand down to rest over his heart.

He captured it there with his own and let out a breathy chuckle, “Gods, I hope so.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My production rate is going to slow down quite a bit, that's my bad. I go to college out of state so August is for packing and moving which is rufferoonie. And then school is just busy so that's that. But I'll try to make my chapters more worthwhile.   
> -Happy Reading!
> 
> ***Paradise by Ryan Caraveo***

Ben was steering this time as they exited hyperspeed and rocketed through the atmosphere and towards the lush green terrain of Naboo. Rey watched intently as his long fingers worked the controls, reminiscent of a time many years ago that she had witnessed an old smuggler apply the same tactics and rhythm to the art of flying. Ben flew by muscle memory; calling upon a slew of distant memories to guide him to their destination rather than coordinates or directions. 

Long ago, Han Solo would sit his young son on his knee and let him pretend to steer with his chubby little hands. When Ben was old enough, Naboo was where he learned to fly. Leia and Han originally bought the home to have a place to raise their son, but they only lived there consistently for the first seven years of his life before Leia’s political career began to demand her attention all over the galaxy. But those few years spent in that humble dwelling by the ocean were the closest they got to being a real family. It seemed like real life didn’t touch them when they were there; Han and Ben were especially happy. While Leia was away in the city for business, father and son spent their time flying and adventuring. They were one in the same; Ben wanted to be just like Han until he was pushed into the Jedi Academy. Even as the awful menace Kylo Ren, Han was the last remaining sentiment of Ben Solo and Snoke assumed killing him would exterminate his last remaining ties to the light. 

More than anything, a young Ben had felt abandoned. While his parents whispered harshly behind closed doors about the darkness inside him, he listened in confusion as he was regarded as a feral animal that had been caught in the house. Even Ben had no real idea of how powerful he was outside of the small invasive voice in the back of his mind insisting that he could have whatever he desired some day. But Ben didn’t desire the entire galaxy, he simply craved to understand what is was about him that caused so much unrest. The bubble of ignorance that they kept him sheltered inside became his very undoing. That was why Leia sent him away after all, she hoped that Luke could guide him onto the correct path. There was no way for her to have known the horror that would result from this, to any parent this would have seemed like the correct path. And in theory Leia’s decision should have been the best option for her son.

But Luke Skywalker had seen too much destruction in his day, seen too many Sith and fought in too many wars. He felt the overwhelming pool of untapped power bestowed on such a young child and became fearful of its unfamiliarity. Unfortunately, he saw nothing but Ben’s capacity for evil rather than his capacity for good. Much like his grandfather, years of unwarranted distrust and manipulation pushed him towards the darkness that everyone was trying so desperately to avoid. There was plenty of blame to go around for the creation of Kylo Ren.

But Luke was right to be wary of the new brand of Force sensitives that the universe was bringing forth. He never failed to factor in the potency of power in the Skywalker bloodline.

This is something that Snoke had beaten into Ben’s head time and time again; he came from a long line of powerful Jedi and Sith. In fact, at one time Kylo Ren had been the most powerful Force User organically created. This is why Snoke had sensed him so early and corrupted him so young. Although, despite Snoke’s promise of omnipresence within the Force, he had been completely oblivious to the Force’s reaction to the darkness that he had so carefully nurtured within his new apprentice. With the equilibrium in physical world so horribly skewed, the Force willed into existence Kylo Ren’s counterpart in the light. Snoke had never foreseen Rey, and of course neither had Kylo. When Snoke did learn of the power contained within the scavenger from Jakku, he had suggested to Kylo the incomprehensible power that could be held by a creature with their combined strengths. Kylo had balked at the implications of this, knowing with absolute certainty that he would never be villainous enough to rob someone of their virtue for the sake of power. What’s even worse, Kylo sickened himself with the fact that the concept stuck with him long after that conversation. Alone at night, he would dream of taking her, not forcefully, but having her nonetheless. In his mind’s eye he could envision her bare body panting against the black silk and the very thought would keep him up at night. As he landed the ship near the front wing of the building and began to gather their belongings, Ben had to once again chase away these images from his head. He pointedly ignored the small constriction of his throat as they walked side by side through the tall grass.

Rey took note of the little home that rested only a short walk ahead of them; Ben had mentioned that it was quaint but the first word that came to Rey’s mind wasn’t ‘quaint’. Then again, she had never lived in an actual house. In her 22 years of life she had only occupied various tents, a single AT-AT, and scattered Resistance bases with small quarters and simple cots. She already had an inkling of whom this place belonged to but Ben hadn’t offered much information other than the fact that it existed and it was empty. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben watched Rey turn towards the direction of the beach and gaze longingly at the soft white sand and the curling white caps that crashed down and lapped at the beach. He remembered the ocean in her mind; deep blue waves that crashed upon jagged rocks, which surrendered to only more water. He watched her eyes soak in the view, thinking of how the sand meeting the water was a perfect representation of her life in the dessert moving forwards to something unknown and much larger than her. Her hair swayed with the breeze as gently as the grass beneath her feet, and the worry lines on her face were smoothed out. For a moment she looked so serene that Ben held his breath, gazing at her while she gazed at the sea. When she finally turned to lock eyes with him she smiled warmly at him and returned to his side where they quietly continued on to the front door, shouldering everything that they had between them in only two packs. Rey quietly acknowledged the tragic beauty of their new life as wonderers; there was something symbolic within their nomadism but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. 

The interior of the house had been decorated in natural tones and minimalistic furniture by Leia Organa’s own hand. Something told him that Rey would appreciate the effect of the simplicity; a lavish suite with expensive and unnecessary items would have overwhelmed her. The infrastructure of the house was made of a thick durable wood with enough flexibility to avoid rigidity. The area near the capital city often suffered from tremors beneath the ground, this was why the capital city consisted of such durable and strongly reinforced buildings. The structure of the house was covered in a beige colored mud mixture that his mother said was used long ago. Its practical use had something to do with the humidity of the lush planet environment. When it had been constructed almost 40 years ago, his mother had insisted on an open and inviting environment, besides, she loved the view out into Naboo dearly. The living room and attached kitchen were bathed in the natural light cast by large bay windows that looked out onto the ocean, Ben distinctly remembered watching the sunset from a perched position on the couch. 

He nervously glanced at Rey, who was looking around with wide eyes, “I can… give you a tour.” He said quietly. He slowly led to through the living area into a narrow hallway much like the one on the carrier. He opened the door to the left first, his hands almost shaking with the imminent revelation to Rey about what exactly this place used to be. As Rey stepped into the room she noticed a tiny twin sized bed in the corner and the dresser was adorned with small plastic fighter planes that had gathered dust over many years. There was a child sized desk with a small calligraphy kit on top of it, right next to a small framed picture of a young Ben Solo with a Resistance helmet on that was much too big for his head, much like the one that Rey had during her days on Jakku. 

Her chest tightened inexplicably as she quietly stepped towards the picture. Ben eyed her warily as she gently touched the edges of the delicate silver frame and let a gentle flow of emotion filter through the bond, saying things that both of them couldn’t. 

“I like your helmet.” She whispered, turning to face the man that this young child had turned into. He still had the same deep chocolate eyes and pale skin, but the child in the photo was wearing a toothy grin and Rey realized that she’s never once seen him smile. The years had carved a tense sober expression into his face, and she saw him look tortured or anguished more than anything else. Even the most feared man in the universe had once been a child who feared the dark and loved his parents, the large man in front of her had once needed help reaching the top shelf and steering a ship. Something about the picture humanized him even further. Considering the way he towered over her, it was almost comical to imagine him small. 

Ben smirked a little as he turned to gesture her into the master bedroom, “That was years ago, little scavenger. I’m much… taller.” 

Rey snorted at his massive understatement, grinning widely and shaking her head as she followed him into the bedroom but sobering up completely when she looked around. The master bedroom was a work of art, in all honesty, adorned with a massive four-poster bed with a gauzy white canopy, cream-colored sheets, and an ornately carved headboard. She could almost feel the luxurious material of the bedding beneath her fingertips as if she was running her hand across it. The floor was paneled in dark umber wood paneling like the rest of the home but a large rug of a rich silvery material sat under a matching chandelier that was elegantly crowned with glassy crystals and small bulbs. It dimly lit the room with a romantic glow that made butterflies flutter in Rey’s stomach. Despite the light film of dust that had settled on everything, the master bedroom was beautiful but simple nonetheless. Rey had never seen something so subtly extravagant. Was this where they would… sleep? Rey felt her face flush deeply and she refused to look at Ben, whose thoughts were not far from hers. Again an image intruded into his mind of her hands fisting the soft sheets and his body hovering over hers. 

They both set their belongings down lightly, as if trying not to disturb the delicate and peaceful ambiance. Rey stepped further into the room and Ben watched her intently, his heart hammering hard in his chest as he tried to shake free of the image. Her hair, glimmering in russet tones under the lights, was falling in loose ribbons around her shoulders and down her back. She was softly silhouetted against the dim golden glow in such a way that made his chest ache, completely oblivious to the ease in which she reduced him to his most primal of tendencies. He clenched and unclenched his fists and let the sudden ripples of desire crash into him until he was well in over his head. From a distance he raked his eyes over her figure, allowing himself to appreciate this creature that he did not deserve to touch. But oh, how he wanted to touch because no matter what title he held and what power he possessed in the Force, Ben Solo was still a man. His legs carried him closer to her on their own accord, it was almost as if he had surrendered all control of his body. Just inches away from her, he reached around her front to delicately grab her throat; it wasn’t a threatening gesture, in fact, it was predominantly possessive. She didn’t start at the feel of his hand on her neck; instead she leaned into his hard chest, contentedly laying her head back on his shoulder. 

With his thumb and forefinger he tilted her head to the side and leaned down to gently brush his lips against the soft skin of her throat. Against his chest he could feel her breath hitch as he slowly moved aside the fabric of her tunic to kiss from the nape of her neck to her shoulder, taking great care to move softly and carefully as if afraid he would scare her away. Contrarily, Rey wasn’t the least bit afraid, she was almost light headed with the feeling of his hot breath on her skin as his kisses became slightly more urgent and his other arms snaking around her waist to hold her even tighter. She let out a shaky sigh when his hand slipped down to the dip of her pelvis and the room seemed to heat up like it had been placed on a stove. 

Just as Rey’s mind begun to wonder into intentions much more sinful than they ever had, Ben placed a gentle kiss on the back of her neck and let his hands fall from her body. He felt ashamed by his constant lusting after her, releasing her with the premonition that she only allowed his touch as a means of self-preservation and mild tolerance. His insecurity dismissed her longing sighs and quivering breath.

“I’m going to go get the rest of our things.” He murmured before quietly turning away and leaving the room.

Once he was gone Rey huffed loudly and gave an annoyed glance towards the direction in which he had exited. 

“What the KRIFF was that.” She sniffed, rutting around in her bag for something to sleep in. The sun had just started sink down below the horizon of the glassy expanse of sea that sat beside the small house. She was embarrassed at the flush that had covered her body and the incredible disappointment that gripped her when he stepped away from her. Why had he stopped? She had to wonder it, no matter how much she tried to convince herself to let things lie, she couldn’t ignore the cold she felt in his absence.

Once she stepped into the freshener, she leaned against the wall under the stream and sighed, holding one hand over her chest in an effort to calm her heart that had continued to pound long after Ben had left. How exactly had this spiraled so quickly out of control? How long had they been alone together? Barely two weeks and she was already… pinning after him. She cringed at the wording and turned off the water with a frustrated groan and dried herself off with an offensively plush towel, pulling on the clothing she had chosen for the night. It was a rather brave choice that she made within the span of a single delusional notion that she could just… seduce Ben Solo. But Rey wasn’t much of a seductress and the best she could do was a long grey tunic paired with her black undergarments. But now that she looked at herself in the mirror she decided that even this might have been a little too ambitious. Unfortunately she had already heard Ben re-enter the bedroom and now she was wholly committed to her choice of sleepwear. She shook out her hair and took a steadying breath before slipping out of the bathroom and stepping into the room next door.

Ben turned in the direction of soft footsteps and his heart seemed to stop completely in his chest. Rey was standing at the door in nothing but a lengthy tunic and long damp hair falling around her face. It was almost excruciating to avert his eyes from the long tanned length of her legs. “This woman might actually be trying to kill me.” He thought to himself.

Rey on the other hand was gazing upon him in a slightly newer light. He looked princely standing there at attention at the foot of the bed, staring her down with an unreadable expression, midnight waves accentuating high cheekbones and full lips set in a solemn frown. He looked like a vision of royalty standing among the ornate vintage decor. Resisting the urge to turn and run, Rey took a deep breath and started towards him with purpose, putting a hand on his chest as she got within reach. In his surprise, he let her push him backwards until he felt his back hit the wall and he looked down at her with slightly narrowed eyes, pondering her intentions. 

With her hand slowly sliding up his chest, Rey looked up at him through her lashes angelically and he held his breath, “Ben Solo… Tell me why you tease me so.” She murmured quietly with her head cocked slightly with a small downturn to the corner of her rosy lips.

Ben opened his mouth tentatively, “Rey I…” His train of thought faltered when she pressed a gentle kiss to the hollow of his neck and kissed a trail up his neck. What kind of torture was this? He groaned and leaned his head heavily against the wall as she slid her hand down to the hem of his shirt and slipped it underneath, sliding the fabric up his chest. Ben tentatively pulled his tunic up over his head and deposited it on the floor. In a daze, her let her pull him towards the bed and the small shred of self-restraint he had left snapped as the back of her legs hit the bed. He grabbed her by the hips and tossed her onto the mattress, quickly covering her body with his and roughly capturing her lips. Positioning himself between her legs, he used one hand to support himself as he relished in the feeling on her smaller body trapped beneath his. She gasped when he moved his lips to her neck and ran a hand down the entire length of her body, trailing his palm down one silky thigh and hooking his hand under her knee to pull it up over his hip. Rey directed the same hand up underneath her tunic where it brushed the feverish skin of her toned stomach. His erection became excruciatingly hard as she arched her back into him and reached up to drag her fingernails across his back and over his shoulders. 

He pulled his back abruptly, “Is this what you wanted Rey?” He gasped.

She quirked a delicate eyebrow at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “Almost.” She breathed

Without warning, she wrapped the other leg around him and flipped him onto his back, positioning herself over him with her thighs straddling his hips. He quickly recovered, sitting up and holding her in her lap while he once again found her lips. Their kiss was rougher this time, dripping with want and intensity. In one swift motion Rey’s shirt was off and onto the floor and he spread his hands greedily down her curves and across her back, pulling her even closer as their tongues twisted and their hot breath mingled. Rey slowly pushed Ben back onto the bed and locked eyes with him as she slid backwards, grinding herself experimentally against his bulge.

Ben cursed loudly and his fingernails dug into her hips. “Rey…” He groaned as she lowered her head, peppering his stomach and chest with slow seductive kisses, sucking small purple bruises into his pale skin. 

As she reached his neck she looked up to him, “Yes?” 

“Is THIS what you want?” He murmured, rubbing small circles around her hipbone with his thumb.

“You don’t think this is what I want?” She panted, cupping his cheek.

Ben closed his eyes and gave her an expression that was almost pleading, “I’m not a… nice guy.” 

Rey sighed and laid her head down on his chest, “I can’t waste my time fighting my feelings when it’s us against the world.”

They stayed like that for a long time in silence, feeling the bond humming with the skin to skin contact when suddenly the holopad Rey had fiddled into working, dinged on the bedside stand with an incoming announcement from the channel she set had it on. Ben quickly reached behind him to hit the light switch on the wall so they could better see the hazey blue projection as it started to take form. The weasely face of Armitage Hux appeared before them, looking haughty and bitter as he began to deliver his latest message to the public.

“Citizens of the galaxy, this is your Supreme Leader speaking. From this point forward I am enacting the ban of all so-called “Force sensitive” peoples. Any successful capture of such an individual will be rewarded with 5,000 credits regardless of circumstance. Be assured, we have developed the technology to apprehend these creatures and they will no longer go unchecked. Aid your government in the elimination of the eminent threat that the Force-sensitives pose to our society.”

The holo cut short and the projection disappeared, plunging the two into darkness. The silence hung heavily in the night air as if speaking would somehow alert the authorities. As if any noise at all would give them away. Ben quietly moved his hand to entangle itself in Rey’s hair, pulling her closer as she pressed her cheek to his bare chest and squeezed her eyes shut. She was no stranger to the stomach curdling hopeless fear that she was feeling now, but the death of each innocent would weigh on her heavily. What would The First Order do with the Force-sensitives they found? Would they be executed or imprisoned? She didn’t ask these questions out loud but she could feel an uneasiness radiating from Ben that rivaled her own. He also wanted to know what they were going to do with the prisoners, but he was also wondering to what extent they had advanced their Force suppression technology. How would it affect the bond if one of them were injured, or possibly killed, while cut off from the Force? How would he keep her safe like this?

How long could they hide here?

What if they were captured?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I get something off my chest real quick? Because I think it's really important to open up this topic of conversation. Much like all of you, I adore Star Wars and I've been a fan for most of my young life. But I am truly disturbed by the negativity and bitterness that plagues the Star Wars fan base. It is discouraging ESPECIALLY as a writest (and I hope that you, my fellow writers, can attest to this). Now I realize that every movie has it's problems, but that's the name of the game. The production team of the sequels could NEVER put out a set of films that pleases everyone, it's an impossible task. They took on a project of insane difficulty: create follow up films for some of the most beloved movies of all time. They called TFA "too safe" but on the other hand they claimed that TLJ was "too different" (also keep in mind that they used to say the same about the prequels but now the prequels are loved again). I personally am extremely grateful they they put out new Star Wars films AT ALL. I am so glad to have so many new characters to love. I'm just saying that we as a whole need to be more acceptable of the things we do have. I think the new characters are just more to love and hold dear in our hearts, but they are also a sign of the times. The world isn't so black and anymore, and the Star Wars movies of today SHOULD expand on the complexity of their characters and grey areas between good and evil. All of the characters have very real issues. In short, I love this franchise, I love these characters, and I love this fandom.Go forth and love your fellow fan, love your fellow shipper, have your opinions but don't use them as a weapon, and try to keep an open mind. I hope to see more positivity spread through this fan base. If you've taken the time to read this rant then thank you, and may the Force be with you.  
> -Iceberg
> 
> Also here's a chapter about a little love because maybe it's necessary.
> 
> ***Make Me Cry by Noah Cyrus***

Leia Organa was no Jedi Master. She didn’t charge onto the front lines, lightsaber in hand, and bring evil to its knees. She couldn’t lift boulders or control minds but she COULD read people, which had become just as useful through the years. She was pushing 60 years old and there was a reason she had survived so long in the business of war and politics. Leia was constantly observing, all the while taking notes of the things people did in certain situations. She could identify the tell-tale signs of different emotions, a soldier’s tendencies under pressure, and it was almost as if she had eyes in every corner of the universe. This was, most definitely, the reason why Leia had been double-crossed only a handful of times. She was excellent at sorting people, within minutes she could decide their character and their attitude, therefor she was able to separate the loyal from the untrustworthy, the selfless from the greedy, and the brave from the cowardly. Every officer that she dared to confide in was one of great virtue, and even greater devotion to the cause. 

Poe Dameron, for starters, was one of the bravest men she had ever met. She had met him as a young child who was already an incredible pilot. His parents were good people, and from them he had inherited work ethic and dedication. His biggest fault was his tendency to jump into the fire with no plan and no thought. He was driven to a fault sometimes, but loyal down to the fibers of his being.

As for Finn, the rogue Trooper, he came to be one of the most compassionate and personable individuals on her team. Finn had CHOSEN the Resistance, he denounced the First Order to assist a man he didn’t even know, putting his own life in danger. She was impressed by his capability to think for himself and deviate from the path of least resistance. He was gravely injured protecting Rey’s life and he was extremely instrumental in getting the map to her to assist her in finding Luke. In all honestly, she was extremely partial to both boys, not only for their loyalty but their passion and perseverance even in the darkest days of the Resistance. Through the last few years, they had come to trust in each other and Rey so wholeheartedly that they could be an army of their own.

But Leia, ever the patient observer, had kept a close eye on Finn and Poe. Not even they knew that she saw some of the tender moments they shared in the dead of night when they could finally be alone. Their relationship was much deeper than comrades or even friends; it was so obvious to her that she was somewhat surprised that nobody else had caught on. For a moment she wondered if Rey saw their shared affection as well, but then decided that she most likely did. Leia had dedicated some deep thought to why they were not more open about their secret relationship.

A large portion of the galaxy paid no mind to sexuality. In a universe filled with interspecies relationships, homosexuality was far from taboo. But she supposed that they had no idea how others would view them if they were openly in a relationship. The only conclusion that she reached was that they were afraid to be seen as unprofessional and distracted.

But Leia knew about it, unbeknownst to them. She knew that people don’t have control of whom they love, even if the relationship only complicates things further and is created under bad circumstances. She had learned this lesson with Han Solo, an infamous smuggler that she was loyal to till death. No matter the challenges presented with her marriage to Han, nobody could change the fact that he was the love of her life, and not even death had changed that. These were trying times, and if someone were lucky enough to find another that completed them then they had all the more reason to fight. Maybe it was old fashioned for her to think, but she grew up in a world where they told stories of how the Force created separate halves of the same heart and set them free to find each other.

Han, despite the fact that he drove her insane, completed her. After she lost him, she realized that she wouldn’t have had him any other way. Losing Ben had wounded their marriage, but never the love they had for each other. When she became pregnant in the height of her political career in her thirties, their marriage was strained. But Han was a loving father nonetheless. She often envied his relationship with Ben and she longed for that adoration from her son. She also knew that it was this very closeness that damned Han Solo to die. She should have known that Snoke would manipulate it into a weakness. She knew it was a repetition of history from when Palpatine had turned Anakin Skywalker against his loved ones. Life was lived for the sake of love, but such love could also be lethal. 

Even to this day, Leia wondered if love could be the same thing that would redeem her son: her last living piece of her husband. It was a hope that she didn’t dare to encourage, even Leia needed to come to terms with the fact that her son had been murdered by Snoke nearly 15 years ago. The only hope she had was that maybe Rey could keep him on their side.

Leia shook herself from her tangent; it was going down a dark and gut-wrenching path. Instead she returned her thoughts to the Rogue and the Flyboy. They were wrong to hide their feelings; the Resistance needed this kind of hope. Leia, looking at it strategically, considered this a moral booster and a motivator. Maybe this could remind those that were losing faith that there were still things worth fighting for.

As a young mother, she had often wondered what kind of love her son would find when he was grown. Despite her tough exterior, she wanted things that most mothers want. She wanted to see her child grow and start a family, she wanted to adore her daughter-in-law and dote on her future grandchildren. Leia never let herself assume her and Han would live long enough to be grandparents, but she prayed to the Force that Ben would see a future with this kind of happiness. She still hoped despite herself and despite the horrendous creature he had become. She could tell every single soul that there was no Ben Solo left in Kylo Ren, but she could never stop being his mother. Every day of her life she had wished that she hadn’t sent him away, that she let him stay and be her baby for a little while longer. She wished she had been honest about his lineage and if she could do it all again she would have prioritized her political career much less. Still she hoped, she hoped for the redemption of a terrible man because she knew the truth. Nobody would understand his side of the story, but she did. Leia knew every excruciating detail. Regardless, she had gone weeks thinking that her only son had been killed dead right in front of her eyes. Nothing could have prepared her for the weight of that grief when her own unconditional love almost killed her. She knew that hope was the most vicious killer. So she didn’t allow herself to hope that there was good in Kylo Ren. And she couldn’t hope that she would live to see a peaceful world again. She only allowed herself to hope that she would see both Ben and Rey one last time. 

Leia finished checking all the latest information from around the galaxy to find any hint to where Rey might be. Every time that she heard nothing about them she felt a little relieved, because that meant that nobody had found them yet. But tonight she listened to Hux’s voice over the comm as he put a warrant out for every single Force sensitive in the galaxy. This only made her wish more desperately that Rey would return to base, where they could all evade capture together. She understood why her and Ben needed to go off the grid, but she knew that something big was coming and it was about to be all hands on deck. It was a very plausible that they would be forced to return to the Resistance… together, and this was going to turn into a very tricky situation. The number of soldiers that would understand why Kylo Ren needed to take refuge in the Resistance were few and far between, not to mention that this may cause some sort revolt born from distrust.

The General took a deep breath and straightened her spine; she needed to speak with a very specific group of people about this. Despite the late hour, she snatched her holopad off the desk and hurried out of her room. Further down the hall near where Rey used to sleep was the door to Poe Dameron’s door upon which she rapped lightly

“You two get dressed and head to my quarters. It’s an urgent matter.” 

Inside the room, Finn and Poe shot straight up from their position in each other’s arms. They were startled by Leia’s voice so late at night, but as her words sunk in they were struck with a whole new shock.

“How… how did she know…? How does she know you’re here here?” Poe rasped in a panicked whisper, nearly falling straight out of bed and onto the floor in his rush to make himself presentable. He pulled on his shirt and vest at the same time while simultaneously attempting to zip up his pants, effectively putting him on his ass where he continued to wiggle into his clothing. Finn was staring at him with his eyebrow raised with his own clothing in hand.

“Do you plan on being ANY louder, mate?” He grumbled, nervously jerking at the laces of his boots and tucking the legs of his pants into them. “Because I’m not sure the General’s heard you yet.”

Poe paused to nail him with an agitated glance, “Well I’m SORRY, Finn. Silly me.” 

As they finished straightening up and rushed out the door and down the hall they continued to bicker in hushed whispers. 

“This is ON YOU, Poe. I TOLD you we should have alternating between our quarters.”

“On me? On ME? If you weren’t so god damned LOUD…”

Finn opened his mouth wide in shock and turned towards his partner, “You… you’re sleeping on the floor.”

“Wha… It’s MY bed…” Poe was cut shot by their arrival at Leia’s door. They both straightened up and tried to fix their expressions into sober professionalism and quietly entered.

Already in the room was Rose, who sat on the edge of Leia’s bed looking exhausted. She had dark circles and her eyes were red and bloodshot. How had they not noticed how hard these past few weeks had been on their friend? And they were right. Rose Tico WAS exhausted and the last few weeks HAD been hard. When Rey left she felt the same biting fear that she did when she saw her sister Paige off on the bomber that ended up taking her life. Rose didn’t want to lose any more family. 

They all shared the same sentiment: they wanted Rey to come home safely. 

This wasn’t the first time Leia had called them all into her quarters for small secret meetings in the dead of night, but with every new discussion she looked wearier. She sat much like she always did, with her elbows up on her desk with her hands folded neatly I front of her, even weeks ago when they were discussing the execution of her own son she had sat with a rigid professionalism. Her chocolate brown eyes were always searching for something, but none of them knew what. Tonight she was deliberately unreadable, but plagued with a rush of thoughts and plans nonetheless. 

“It’s late. So I have to assume that none of you have heard Hux’s latest announcement.” She spoke quietly, feeling a bubble of anxiety rise up in her chest as she readied the recording she had captured and pressed play.

When it ended there was a pregnant silence before Rose spoke up, “What are we going to do?” She whispered, not bothering to hide the weariness in her voice. In her minds’ eye she once again saw the wounded bomber ship plummeting into the flaming ruins of the crumbling dreadnaught. She also envisioned a similar execution to that of Kylo Ren but with her friend in his place.

Leia was quiet for another moment before answering, “We need to be ready for what might follow these new circumstances.”

“Like what…” Poe questioned suspiciously. 

“Worst case scenario is… Rey gets captured.” Everyone in the room stiffened but Leia continued, “Best case scenario, they come back they join us here.”

“They??” Finn and Poe said simultaneously.

“You know as well as I do that they’re a packaged deal now.” Leia responded sharply, “Or so we hope. Because if they separate then we can assume they’ll be as good as dead.” Leia sounded detached and curt.

“So what? They come back to base and we have to shelter Kylo Ren too? No disrespect Leia but he’s… an enormous asshole. I don’t think anyone is a big fan of your son.”

Surprisingly, Poe’s words brought a small smirk to her lips but it was gone almost immediately, “We don’t have another choice, Poe. We can’t risk him getting killed either, for Rey’s sake.”

Everyone nodded, seeming to pick up on what Leia was trying to convey. “I still don’t know how we can do this without pissing a whole lot of people off.” Poe responded after a short pause.

“It looks like… we just need to see if Rey was right about his redemption, I know that’s what she’s trying to do.” Finn said thoughtfully, “I mean that’s what it sounded like, she didn’t say that word for word it’s just… an interpretation.” He added quickly. 

This piqued the General’s interest and she turned her head to look directly at him. “Rey spoke to you about this? Who else did she discuss this with.”

Poe looked like he wanted to crawl in a hole and die, “Me… not on purpose though. I kind of… interrupted their conversation.”

Rose even looked up to hear the details of the last things Rey had said before she disappeared.

Finn cleared his throat nervously, “We… We had been sparring. The conversation came up but I pushed it a little. I felt like I needed to apologize about how I treated her when she first told all of us about the Force bond thing. I told her I knew what she was going to do and she denied it at first.”

Poe stepped forward a little and spoke up, “That’s when I came to sit with them. I asked her how she knew he wouldn’t find a way to kill her off. She seemed pretty sure he wouldn’t. Actually scratch that, she seemed ABSOLOUTELY sure that he wouldn’t. I asked her why she went all kamikaze and shipped herself to the Supremacy. That’s when she told us the rest of the story of what happened there. It seemed pretty hard on her, I think that’s why she didn’t want to talk about it earlier.”

“The rest of the story?” Leia raised her eyebrow; she had thought that what Rey had said to her so far WAS the story.

“She said something about his ‘turmoil’ and that she left that island after she found out about the truth about what happened with Luke, she didn’t really explain that though. She pretty much said that she went to the Supremacy thinking that she would either be leaving with Ren or she would die. And you know the part about how he turned on Snoke, she said he cut him in half. But then she said he had asked her to join him but not like… with the Resistance or the First Order. She made it sound like he asked her to run away with him. And then she said no, and they fought and her lightsaber was toast. And then she left him on the ship.” Poe finished, his voice awkwardly trailing off at the end when he saw the emotion that swelled in the General’s eyes.

She cleared her throat, “That’s… unexpected.”

Rose had her head cocked in Poe’s direction with a strange expression on her face, “Do you think he did that for Rey… or himself?” She asked quietly. 

“I don’t know, she seems to think… I actually don’t know what she was thinking. She was acting weird since she woke up.” Finn responded before Poe could answer.

“So do you think she found him?” Poe’s direction was directed towards nobody in particular but Leia answered.

“Yes.” She said simply. “Which brings us back to the issue of Hux. I am especially worried that he’s developing technology to effectively detain them. They are strong but they can’t fight an entire war alone with no advantage. Hux is no fool, I have a feeling he’s been planning this for a long time.”

Rose rested he forearms on her knees and looked up at Leia, “You’re saying that Kylo Ren is the lesser of two evils.”

Leia nodded, “He was Snoke’s weapon, but we have to take into consideration that there was less thoughtless destruction after he came into power.”

“I… that’s actually true. I heard he put in some serious reforms. Also they didn’t even rebuild the Starkiller and I always wondered why. A friend of mine said he changed the Stormtrooper program.” Poe said quickly.

Finn whipped his head around, “Kylo Ren tried to change the Stormtrooper program?” His jaw practically hit the floor.

“It’s all hear-say, buddy. Why?”

“The Stormtrooper program was lead by Hux and Phasma. If Ren changed it then that couldn’t have been pretty. I always got the feeling they hated each other anyways.” Poe said this, the pieces beginning to fall into place in his head.

“Wait hold on… You said he was developing technology to what? Take away their Force voodoo?” Poe questioned.

“Not exactly,” Leia began slowly, “It’s more to… suppress it to the point that they can’t use it.”

“How is that even possible? Rey told me it connected them to the universe or something like that.”

Leia thought for a moment, “Luke told me once about a creature who could cut individuals off from the Force, some sort of reptile. Don’t ask me for specifics because I don’t remember, but I’m willing to bet Hux has the best minds figuring out how to harness it. Actually… that’s probably how they kept Kylo Ren at bay for his execution.”

“Hold on… aren’t they connected BY the Force? What happens to that connection when they are cut off?” Rose piped up. 

This is something that the General truly hadn’t considered. If one were to be killed while they were suppressed would the other survive somehow? This concept was so broad that she didn’t even know what this could possibly mean for them. Besides, this was nothing but a theory, so could they really know for sure that this was a reality? The pause was long-lived, each individual lost in their own thoughts until Finn broke the silence.

“So… what now, General?”

“We wait for Rey.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask and you shall recieve. Don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> ***Beggin for Thread by Banks***

It had been two more weeks since they had landed on Naboo and the Force sensitive ban was in full effect. Their routine was just Jakku all over again, but with more survivable conditions and a significantly better living situation. They both had to admit that, given their current circumstances, their situation was considerably better than it could be. They had food and water, so there was no need to go into to capital city yet, although they still planned for a time when they would be forced to go into public. They had a nice secluded place to live and a beautiful view of the ocean as well as the rolling fields that were s characteristic of the planet. Despite the luxuries that they were so lucky to be granted, they were both paranoid and afraid almost every hour of the day.

They sat across from each other for most of the daylight hours, huddling over an old holopad and flipping through the different stations to make an attempt at staying updated. Most of their useful information came from general frequencies used by news channels within the galaxy. Through them they had stayed fairly up to date on the status of Hux’s new rule and the different territories that the First Order’s forces had turned their focus to. 

So far, the general consensus was that Hux was ruthless and demanding. Within days of the Force sensitive ban, he had stormed the dessert planet of Tatooine, and taken total control of most of the populated areas. Ben and Rey discussed his strategy, quickly realizing that he had deliberately conquered resource rich planets as well as massive trading posts. Distant lands had become nothing but giant factories to turn out materials for war machines and other various weapons. If Ben had to guess, he would say that there would be something as villainous as the Starkiller under construction within the year. He had seen firsthand the sickening glee in his eyes as he watched the utter obliteration of Hosinian Prime. Where Ben had once seen it as a means to an end, Hux thrived off of power plays.

The memory sent a fresh wave of guilt and self-hatred through him. His time with Rey had slowly rubbed off on him and now he could no longer just dismiss his conscience and evade responsibility for his sins. Hosinian Prime was his fault; it was as simple as that. Deep down inside himself, he half hoped that if he freed the galaxy form Hux’s grip then he could partly redeem himself for some of the horrible things he had done. 

He looked up at Rey as she fiddled with the holopad and furrowed her brow in concentration. She was wearing her hair up in a loose up do, and he loved it like that because he reveled in letting it down at the end of the day. While the day time was spent in worry and paranoia, the night hours were for them and only them. The stress chased away a restful sleep, but they spent most of the night tangled up in each other anyways, half naked and breathless for hours. Every night he remembered how much he didn’t deserve to touch her soft skin, but he didn’t push his advances any further than he already had.  
Ben, to his own dismay, had never had time for any sort of relationship so he was hesitant to cross a line regarding his intimacy with Rey. He was just a boy when he started his Jedi training and had to accept the fact that he would have to renounce any physical or romantic relations. He was so young that he didn’t care much. Once he had begun to serve under Snoke, he was encouraged to indulge in these types of passions but he always considered it minimally important. Ben Solo had never once had a woman and he had been indifferent to that. The only temptation he fell victim to was that of the dark side, and his passion was focused on honing his skills and killing off Ben Solo. He had paid his sexual inexperience no notice until he suffered mercilessly among the moans and sighs of Rey, and her curves and assets. Never in his life had he ever felt such lust, he was in his early thirties and he desired her like he was a teenager again. 

A small part of him somewhat wished that he had more experience so he knew what he was doing. But he knew that no woman or experience could compare. Thankfully, his instincts led him in all of their encounters. And what didn’t come naturally he learned by trail and error. In the heat of the moment he swore to dedicate his entire life to finding the things that made her tick. But outside of the bedroom he shied away from the commitment, knowing the inevitable rejection would damage him greatly. He tried not to think of the implications of his feelings for Rey, in fact he unknowingly sabotaged them during the day and fed them during the night. In his mind, he dismissed the feeling in his chest when she was near (which was always) and he tried so hard to chalk it up to attraction. 

But right now he looked up at her as the colors of the sunset filtered through the windows and settled on her skin. She was golden and gorgeous, even when she was tired and stressed she looked like a vision.

“Rey.” He murmured and she looked up quickly to meet his eyes. “Let’s go to the beach.”

She tried to hide her excitement but he saw the way her eyes lit up when he mentioned the water. She had been gazing at it adoringly since they had arrived. For fourteen days he would walk into the living room to see her perched on the white couch enraptured in the sight of the sunrise over the ocean and the way it reflected off the water like liquid silver. Ben liked the sunrise, but he loved to watch her enjoy it even more.

“The beach? Is it safe?” She said quickly.

“It’s… a nice evening. It’ll be dark soon.” He said with a shrug.

Rey smiled warmly and nodded, “Okay.”

Ben Solo extended his hand to Rey much like he had so many years ago, but this time she entwined her small fingers in his and let him lead her outside.  
In the fading sunlight the water shone like a lake of gold and rubies. Rey watched the sun sink lower along the hazy horizon and give way to the darkness of the night until there was nothing but a dim glow across the ocean that tinged the clouds various shades of pink and purple. Since she left Jakku she had seen many beautiful things, but this instantly became one of her most treasured moments. Ben paused to let her stand in the last remaining rays of sunshine as a large moon rose gracefully behind them. They stood together facing the water as the sun set and the moon cast a silvery glow upon the ocean that had became more black than gold with the exception of the dim reflection of the moonlight across it’s expanse.

As the moon rose higher above them they waked quietly down the beach on the edge of the shore. It was such a peaceful night even among the ravages of war and the shattered pieces of the galaxy, for the first time in over a month they weren’t afraid of dying with every second. Ben and Rey kept their fingers entwined, swinging their arms lightheartedly like children. This night was perfect, and Ben felt an odd sensation of emotion filling his lungs.

“I’ve had to travel to many different places in the last few years, but I’ve never walked on the beach before.” She said without looking at him, instead she eyes were distractedly gazing off across the shoreline as if recalling some distant memory.

“My father…” Ben swallowed hard and cleared his throat, “My father taught me to skip stones here, when the waves were gentle, like they are right now. We did it every night when Leia was in the city for work.” Rey looked up at him now, gazing up at him in amazement. He never reminisced about his childhood, and especially not his parents. Rey’s nose stung and she battled a sudden upwelling of tears before responding to him.

“Skipping stones? She inquired.

Ben glanced down at her, “Oh it’s… hard to explain. I can probably show you.” He muttered somewhat awkwardly as he released her hand and wondered a fraction closer to the water in search of the perfect rock. After a few minutes of peering into the soft pliable sand he spotted exactly what he was looking for. 

He held out the rock to Rey and she examined it curiously, not yet understanding why this was what he had been searching for. It was a smooth grey disc with rounded edges and a seamless surface.

Rey handed it back to him and he walked with her closer once more to the water. Ben crouched slightly and slowly swung back his arm before releasing the pebble in a perfectly leveled position across the water. It skipped one time, and then a second time, and a third and a fourth before it disappeared under the waves. Rey let out a small laugh that rung in the night like tinkling bells. 

“I like that.” He turned back to her to see her waiting a few steps behind him with a childlike joy on her face.

He retreated back to her in two large strides and took her hand once more, turning back towards the direction of the house. They contentedly made their way back down the beach, taking their time to enjoy the cool night air on their skin. When they were once more strolling through the tall grass and through the front door, Rey felt peace in her heart for the first time in so long. She realized that they hadn’t ever let go of each other’s hands, even as they entered the house.

Ben tugged her down the hall and into the dim golden glow of the master bedroom. The entire night felt like an alternate reality, especially the vintage ambiance of the room they had shared for weeks now. Everything felt different and she couldn’t quite figure out why. Even the feel of her hand in his felt brand new but not foreign. More like something inside them was struggling to the top of their collective consciousness. He faced her with a wistful expression on his face before cupping her cheek in his calloused palm. She subconsciously leaned into his gentle caress and placed a delicate hand on his chest. His face changed suddenly with her touch and he moved to cover her hands with his own, his eyes pleading.

“I don’t deserve this, but Gods how I want it.” He murmured darkly, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. He pulled back a fraction to look at her face again, “So beautiful.” He muttered, brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek.

This was the most sentimental he had ever gotten with her. He expressed his desire through touch but he never voiced the things he thought of her. They always kept the bond closed enough to make sure that the only things that transpired across it were voluntary but as a result Rey was typically clueless to what he was thinking. Now he was speaking in his deep timbre the thoughts that pounded in his head because they had became so loud that he could hardly think. The sun went down, and Ben Solo’s defenses with it. 

Over the past weeks he had kept his wants and needs at bay, but tonight there must have been something in the water. Every cell in her body seemed to beckon him like a lighthouse; like sleep to the freezing, and he just wanted to succumb. Something clicked into place when he looked at her that night, if only temporarily. He felt his hold slip on the reins that steadied him and suddenly he was overcome. He was swallowed up in the desire to not only be inside of her, but to feel her heart pound against his and listen to the sound of her breathing. Ben wasn’t sure what it was, he hadn’t ever felt like this before. His temptation was so strong that he forgot some of his fear and hesitation, tonight he would relish in anything she was willing to give. 

He placed the flat of his palm beneath her collarbone and felt her quickening pulse like a butterfly in a cage. Rey held still as if he were a wild animal, she was curious to see where his own temptation would take him, Force knows he had been hesitant enough. While she was pleasantly surprised and grateful for his gentlemanly mannerism when it came to physical contact, she also longed for him to show her what he needed. She craved the reassurance that he wanted her as passionately as she wanted him. She didn’t give much thought to their attraction anymore. At first she had been scared and revolted, utterly ashamed at herself due to the draw she felt to the enemy. In her mind, they had been made to hate each other. The magnetism between them was powerful and scary, and Rey had resisted for too long and her efforts were better directed elsewhere. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was drawn to him in many ways, but she didn’t dare speak for Ben. 

He caught her eyes and held them there, reading the situation as best as he could with the swirling desire in her eyes and the rapid beating of her heart. At long last their lips met, and the kiss was different then the rest. While most times they were fiery and rushed, this time Ben kissed her slowly with one hand hooked around the back of her neck and the other slowly releasing her hair until it fell in long soft waves down her back. She shivered as he ran his tongue slowly along her bottom lip, before lightly nipping it and then turning his attention back to her mouth. Ben tasted her: sweet like Derruvian Wine but wildly intoxicating like a Correlian brandy. Their lips together burned in low blue flames of desire in his belly and he intensified the kiss, tilting her head upwards and moving close enough for their chests to touch. From’s Rey’s perspective Ben blocked out the light of the chandelier but oh how she wanted to stay in the dark. Rey reached up for the collar of his shirt and pulled his face even closer to hers, 

Ben released her lips slowly and turned from her. Rey stood and watched curiously as he lifted his shirt off, giving her a perfect view of the muscles that sliced their way along his back and up across his shoulders like tightly wound vines. He moved onto the bed and she followed, crawling slowly on top of him as he settled himself in a propped up position against the headboard. His eyes darkened as she straddled him but Rey refused to look away as she gripped the hem of her own tunic and pulled it over her head, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor along with his shirt. He simply watched her, drinking her in as the soft fabric slipped off of her skin and exposed the taught and sun kissed skin on her stomach. His eyes slipped down her upper body, resting perhaps too long on the curve of her breast that was hidden well beneath wraps of black cloth. Ben ran his large hands up her spine and pulled her body closer to him until his lips were in reach of the small hollow at the base of her neck and the gentle dips of her collar bones. As he began to slowly tease her with soft kisses along her neck and shoulders she let out a soft moan, but the breath caught in her throat as his kiss became more urgent until he was lavishing her décolletage with lips, tongue, and teeth. His fingernails dug into the base of her spine and suddenly the room was much too hot, they would surely burn the bed with the heat that was building in between their bodies. She rolled off of him in one lithe movement, staring him dead in his eyes as she slipped off her trousers and let them hit the ground.

In response he relieved himself of his pants as well and now they were both scantly dressed and fueled with desire. He reached for her and forcefully rolled her back into his lap with conviction, combing his nails lightly up her sides and watching intently as she reached behind her and began to unroll her breast band with deft hands. As it fell away he hungrily gazed upon her bare breasts, pert and ivory toned. He paused for a moment as a bundle of nerves kept his hands hovering along her waist and barred him from making contact. This was the line he was afraid to cross; he wanted her to show herself to him because she WANTED him to touch her. Reading his hesitation Rey took matters into her own hands, grabbing both of his hands and guiding them in a lusty journey up her thighs and over the swell of her breasts. She simultaneously grinded down along his lengthy bulge, to which Ben threw back his head and cursed. This only encouraged her as she continued to feel herself with his hands.

Ben took initiative again and palmed one breast with her right hand while his left dedicated itself to pulling her closer for another kiss as she ran her fingers appreciatively over his muscular body. As their lips desperately clashed, Rey’s nerves had given way to a primal sort of desire as she took acute notice of the heat between his legs pairs with the bulge in his boxers. She rolled off momentarily to remove her panties without a second thought before rolling back onto him and focusing the attention of her lips to his chest.

Ben’s brain shorted out as she realized they Rey was completely bare AND on top of him. He struggled to keep his breathing even as she planted wet kisses down his torso and her back arched more and more as she got further down, giving him full visual access to the small indents at the base of her spine. She captured his eyes again when she was torturously close to his waistband and she slid them down off of his hips. She only gave his, now exposed, member a brief glance, choosing to evade embarrassing herself by gawking. As she straightened she hovered over him patiently.

Ben’s eyes grew nervous but also tender, “Is this what you want?” He breathed lowly.

“Please.” She panted, placing one hand on the side of his neck. And that was all the conformation he needed. He gripped the hollows of her hipbones and sucked in a breath as she felt her slim fingers encircle his base and position him underneath her. As she slowly eased down onto him he threw his head back for the second time.

“Fuck Rey!” He groaned, he could almost feel her heat all over his body. Once she took him all in completely she let out a whimper and paused, letting her body get accustomed to the alien feeling and waiting for the twinge of pain to subside. As it did, desire gripped her stomach once again and she began to slowly roll her hips, earning another guttural growl from her partner, who was urgently running his fingers over each curve, finally settling on the curve of her backside to find his own rhythm within her. They quickly fell into sink, and even quicker than that they became consumed by the desire that they had built up for so long. Ben and Rey clawed at each other and moved together recklessly. Rey held one hand up in her hair and left claw marks across Ben’s neck and chest. Ben greedily sucked at the skin on her neck, leaving little purple marks to document his claim on her in this moment. The quiet room was filled with the rising octaves of their curses and moans and groans as the heat rose impossibly high. Rey felt herself spiraling out of control and an unfamiliar sensation built up deep in her abdomen. She let out a breathy moan as waves of pleasure crashed over her until she unraveled completely around him, her head spinning and middle clenching tightly around his throbbing cock. Ben followed soon afterwards; begged into his climax by the tight, wet feel of her and the sound she made as she came on top of him. As he followed her into completion his eyes rolled back in his head and he felt himself release; the sensation seemed to tingle across his entire body.

Slowly the heat gave way to an exhausted warmth and Rey lifted off of his member but stayed in his lap to rest her head in the crook of his neck and curl up against his chest. Ben was taken again by another feeling but this was of affection, and devotion. He wrapped his arms protectively around her and rubbed small circles on her back, occasionally kissing the soft spot where her shoulders met her neck. 

She let out a satisfied sigh that tickled her neck, “That was better than I could have ever imagined.”

Ben’s eyes flew open and she pulled back to look at him, “Imagined like… it was your first time?”

Rey blushed deeply, “Well… I mean yeah. I didn’t know how to… bring it up.”

To Rey’s utter shock this made Ben laugh, actually truly laugh and her heart melted seeing him truly smile for the first time. But she also blushed even deeper and felt a sharp twinge of embarrassment. Was he laughing at her?

He must have sensed her discomfort because his chuckle faded to just a stupid grin, “No… It’s… Me too. I never have… either.” He finished rather awkwardly.

Rey considered this for a moment, “Can we assume that we did pretty good then?”

He smirked and brushed a strand of hair from her face before kissing her swollen lips tenderly, “We can assume whatever you want.” He mumbled carefully sliding down to lie flat on his back in a way that she would remain resting upon his chest. Luckily she stayed, and their slick bodies cooled while their ragged breathing deepened and evened out. Ben reached up and hit the lights, submerging them both into a quiet darkness. As he combed his fingers gently through Rey’s hair he could feel her fade peacefully out of consciousness, and the last thing he remembered was planting a gentle kiss on the crown of her head before following her into the gentle embrace of the first restful nights sleep that they had had in nearly five weeks.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i aM vErY sOrRy
> 
> ***Bumper Cars by Alex and Sierra***

Rey wondered through a dense forest, adorned by the autumn leaves. The trees dripped in honey gold and ruby red, littering the ground with a carpet of leaves that felt cool and soft on her bare feet. Each tree was carved delicately with foreign words and swirling designs that exposed the light colored wood underneath the bark. Rey didn’t wonder where she was, or who it was that created this place as she would have any other time. Instead she wondered forward towards something she didn’t know she was looking for. As the breeze gently caught her hair and rattled the branches above, she was knowledgeable of the fact that she was dreaming. She felt as if she had walked this forest in another lifetime where she was more ethereal and less human. With one foot in front of the other she wove gently between trees, keeping her eyes fixed forward on something that she could feel although she couldn’t see it quite yet. 

Rey knew she shared the forest with another being, she could feel it’s wisdom but also an acute sense of urgency and worry. Her pace quickened and she hurried off in that direction, drawn in by the otherworldliness of that energy. Suddenly she burst into a large clearing overtaken by tall grass and flowering bushes. She was face to face with a young man, probably not much older than herself. He had long sandy blonde hair with cobalt blue eyes that seemed to carry too much wisdom for someone so young. 

“Young apprentice, you look terrible.” He teased with a smirk.

Rey felt a swell of emotion, “Master Luke. You look… less old.”

He laughed at this, which was odd because he had become so solemn in his old age. “This is the form I took when I passed into the Force, I was probably…” He lifted her arms from his side and looked down to examine his body, “I was probably twenty years old when I looked like this.”

“Why did you bring me here?” She questioned, taking a quick look at her surroundings. 

“I have to tell you something. I don’t know if I’m supposed to and I don’t have much time.”

Rey only nodded, not wishing to interrupt him as he gathered his thoughts and began to speak. “It’s about your Force bond, there’s not much we know but I’ve been listening in on some Resistance conversations… somewhat out of boredom. Recently during a meeting they developed a theory that I don’t believe you nor my nephew have considered yet.”

Sensing the worry in his voice, Rey knew that his revelation wasn’t going to be a good one.   
“The First Order has greatly advanced its Force suppression technology by studying and harnessing the power of the yslamir. It’s an ancient reptilian species that can block off the Force by proximity. Your friends hypothesized that if you were isolated from the Force enough, that the bond would not be able to bridge your minds. This means that…”

“If one of us dies… the other will survive. We could die separately.” Rey finished for him, feeling nauseated as her stomach dropped.

“It’s just a theory Rey… But it has merit.”

“I need to tell Ben.”

“You need to be CAREFUL.” He stressed.

Rey only nodded glumly, staring off into the distance absentmindedly. 

“Rey.” She looked up at the sound of her name, “I hope you can forgive this old man, I was a fool.”

“He’s not all bad.” She whispered, feeling the tears well up in her eyes, “He’s trying.”

“Don’t run from your feelings Rey, you’ll do more harm than good. Take care of yourself, and Gods forbid you don’t join us beyond the veil any time soon.” And with a sad smile he disappeared along with the grass and the trees and the colorful fall leaves, and Rey woke up with a start in the bed she shared with Ben Solo. 

Before Ben woke up seconds afterwards, the details of the dream were slipping away from memory like sand in an hourglass. All she was left with was the information that Luke left her but nothing else.

Ben felt Rey jerk straight up and he reached out to her with his mind worriedly, finding her mind in turmoil. She turned to face him like she had and epiphany.

“If one of us is suppressed from the Force enough… the bond is dormant. Which means that… our lives wont be tied together.” She whispered, her eyes peering hazily up over his head 

He could feel the fear that vibrated through the bond and he reacted similarly. What could this mean? And then with a moment of horrifying clarity, he realized that he COULD lose Rey. He had comforted himself with the thought that if she died, he would as well and that meant he wouldn’t have to live without her light. He hated the person he was before she came crashing into his world. But that also meant that he could die and she would be able to live on. She could live a life free of the monster; Rey could have a simpler life because Gods know he had only caused her pain and strife. Their situations were opposite and he knew it, when Rey had came she had brought out the small shred on good he still had within him. She had prompted him to make slightly better decisions and had painstakingly rebuilt him from the selfish child that he was. It had taken him years of violent self loathing to come to terms with the things he had done, but that didn’t mean that he was a good man by any means, he had no delusions of that. But on the other hand, Ben had come into Rey’s life and ruined it, she didn’t choose this fight and she ultimately got the short end of the stick. If she wasn’t bonded with him she would still be a part of the Resistance, fighting the good fight along with those criminals but at least she wouldn’t be so plagued by grief and guilt. He knew that Rey had often accused herself of treachery be associating with a man that had killed so many of her fellow soldiers. In a world without Ben, Rey of Jakku would soon put this part of her past behind her, opting to keep moving forward to liberate herself of whatever they had done and felt. He assumed that if she rid of the darkness that he inflicted on her mind, that she would soon be able to forgive herself. She would have a life and maybe she would meet a good man that wasn’t soulless and broken. Maybe the Resistance would finally be successful and put a blaster bolt in Hux’s head and Rey could have a family among the peace and live a life free of him. In short, Ben thought that a world without him would be a much better place.

And so he quickly devised a plan, albeit a heartbreaking one. But if it were to be successful then he would be long dead before the hurt destroyed him. He would have to convince her that he WANTED to leave her, he knew it would confuse her, but if he had to hurt her to save her from him, then that was something he was willing to do although he sincerely wished there was another way. If she got any hint that he had ulterior motives then she would search for him, but he assumed that if he was convincing enough that she wouldn’t. She would return to the Resistance, where Leia Organa was probably anxiously waiting for her return and his mother would surely soothe her, she was good at that. She would probably remain safe, the Resistance was growing and she was powerful enough to turn the tides of every battle they fought. He trusted her skills at evading Hux, she was very good at disappearing. Not to mention she would call much less attention to herself if she weren’t hand-in-hand with a hulking giant. 

He felt Rey’s confusion at his lack of answer and eventually she felt a flush of embarrassment as she was being ignored.

“I’m going to… take a shower.” She muttered, slowly crawling out of bed and grabbing a bundle of clothes. As he heard the shower turn on he closed the bond down quietly, and the anxiety rolled in. He didn’t want to do this; he really didn’t want to do this. Ben’s heart slammed in his chest and his hands grew sweaty. Would he even be able to do this? When he finally heard the water turn off he began to pack violently, wanting to make sure that she caught him in the act. As she opened the door to the bedroom, long auburn hair still dripping, her eyes landed on Ben shoving his things into a pack and her heart stuttered. 

“What… what happened? Where are we going?” She said nervously.

Ben looked up at her with a familiar coldness in his eyes with his lips set in a straight line, “I’m leaving.” He deadpanned.

At this, Rey’s heart not only stuttered, it stopped completely and her fingertips started to tingle, “You’re WHAT?” She asked incredulously. 

“I. Am. Leaving.” He said slowly as if she was too dumb to understand the first time.

“Why?!” Rey’s voice rose an octave in panic as Ben shouldered his bag agitatedly and stalked out of the bedroom and into the living area and Rey stormed after him.

“You don’t think I know what you’re trying to do?” He threw over his shoulder, “You’ll bring me back to that scum you call friends and use me as a bargaining chip now that you know you won’t die.”

He heard her voice catch behind him and he held his breath for a second, “Why would you ever think that? I’ve been running for over two months with you?!” Her voice got louder as she got increasingly more upset.

“Oh yes, I’m sure you’re doing it out of the goodness of your heart.” He responded, mustering up some sarcasm to suggest that this statement wasn’t as true as it actually was. Rey did everything out of the goodness of her heart, her intentions were pure and he was grievously aware of that. 

“Turn around, turn around and tell me none of this meant anything to you.” She whispered painfully, and he knew was she was alluding to: the nights they spent tangled up together in the bed they had shared. He took a deep calming breath. Out of all the things he had done and all the lives he had ruined, the things we would have to say next would be, by far, his greatest and most painful sin. He would have to honestly convince her that he wasn’t absolutely, irrevocably, and passionately in love with her. If he didn’t leave now, then he would never be able to and she would be damned to a life of constant struggle. She would never find happiness.

Rey took a surprised step backwards as he whipped around and looked her dead in the eyes, “None of this means ANYTHING to me.” And she felt as if he had struck her across the face. The merciless coldness in his eyes turned the blood of her veins to ice. 

She looked up at him with tears welling up in her eyes and Ben had to shut the bond even tighter to hide the way his heart shattered and his brain blared with the wrongness of his words, “How… how could you say that?” She asked, her voice cracking a little at the end.

“Would you rather me lie to you? You’re turning me into something I’m not. You thing I’ll find redemption between your legs.” He sneered and Rey was sure this was the worst thing anyone had ever said to her. She felt regret burn a hole in her chest and the air abandon her lungs. She should have never done any of it. She should have known better. She should have never let it go too far. Her mouth opened in search of a response, but she couldn’t find one as the tears spilled over and down her cheeks. 

He stared at her with a hard expression on his face, but little did she know he was memorizing the lines of her face. The freckles that dotted over the bridge of her nose and the delicate pout of her bottom lip. It was unfair how beautiful she had to look while he was trying to build enough courage to walk out of that door, and never see her again, the thought nearly killed him. He glanced to the side, out at the beach she loved so much, and he hoped that once again she could find solace in the ocean that she imagined when he first met her. “Go back to your Resistance Rey, you don’t belong here.” He muttered with a glare as he delivered the final blow to a woman who felt like she didn’t belong anywhere, and forced the muscles in his legs to carry him out the door. He decided to leave her the ship; he would walk straight into the city, hoping that even the peaceful people of Naboo would turn him in. He seemed to walk forever, each second ticking off slowly. Ben waited a long time before looking back, and the house was so far in the distance that it looked like just a silhouette in the distance. He turned back around with purpose, she might hate him as long as she lived but she didn’t need to know that he did it for her own sake. 

Meanwhile Rey had fallen to her knees, staring blankly at the floor. She reached a certain amount of hurt that she couldn’t cry or scream angrily. All she could do was sit there in shock and confusion with her ears ringing and her chest burning. She didn’t even pick her head up at the sound of a purring ship engine landing stealthily right outside. And she didn’t even jump as the door was almost ripped off the hinges and a dozen Storm Troopers filled the room with their blasters trained at her as their captain locked her wrists behind her with handcuffs and a metal collar around her neck. The Force slipped out of her and she felt helpless and empty, so she didn’t even care when a large blunt object cracked against the side of her head. She just crumpled and accepted her capture and inevitable execution as she willingly gave in to the darkness. 

But Ben cared. Ben cared as he felt the air crackle in warning and he glanced behind him to see another ship landed right outside of the door and he already knew exactly what it was. He didn’t even realize it when he started sprinting back towards the house as fast as his legs could possibly carry him. As he neared the house they had already dragged her limp body onto the ship and the only Tooper that hadn’t already boarded looked directly at him as he ignited his light saber and charged. He could almost taste the man’s fear on his tongue as he bolted up the ramp and slammed his hand on the button to lift it. The ship was already far up in the air by the time he got to the front door and he could feel it in his chest as it rocketed up out of atmosphere and entered hyperspeed, disappearing to somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find her. A transmission had already been sent directly to the Successor sating that Kylo Ren had been spotted alive on Naboo and that the scavenger had been apprehended. Ben Solo fell to his knees, still gazing at the space where the ship had vanished. He had failed, he wasn’t there to fight with her and now she was in First Order custody and it was entirely his fault. His cover had been blown and Rey was gone and Ben shook violently as his world fell to pieces.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making up for chapter seventeen being so short by adding two chapters in one day!
> 
>  
> 
> ***Until the Levee by Joy Williams***

The news of Ren’s survival almost put a complete damper on his joy at having captured the scavenger girl. If he had found nobody but the girl then he would have carried on with his plan, but seeing as Kylo Ren somehow survived his own execution, his original plan (which had been going off without a hitch) had been completely derailed and Hux immediately retired to his quarters to pace angrily and cook up another plan to ensure that both would die.

Over the past few years Hux had proven he was a patient man when it came to plotting. He was mischievous enough to manipulate the playing field to set off a chain reaction that would end with his own victory. He influenced the mutiny, which resulted in a satisfying series of events that ended with Hux basking in the glory of personally snuffing out his nemeses. But obviously something had gone very wrong because somehow Ren had been cold and dead when they checked his vitals on the ship but he somehow revived himself to go run off with that filthy sand rat. How endearing.

He had no explanation for this phenomenon. Hux was too careful about the people with whom he confided in, and even those who disagreed with him had seen firsthand what happened to traitors. This led him to believe that it was the fault of that witchcraft that the Force sensitives held so dearly. 

“This is why… this is why they need to be eliminated. They can’t be trusted, they are a PUBLIC MENACE.” Hux slammed his fist hard on his desk with a crazed look in his eyes. Ever the perfectionist, the wrench that was thrown into his plans was crippling to his reign. How could he gain respect if Ren was still alive? He gripped the sides of the table until the blood rushed out of his knuckles and he was almost sure the desk would give in to the pressure. Upon first hearing that the girl had been apprehended, Hux had been giddy with excitement, he had more than a public execution in store for her. But now he strongly believed that Kylo Ren was his first priority. If that villain was allowed to roam loose for too long, the First Order could be quickly compromised. Ren knew too much already, he knew his way around the Successor and he was knowledgeable of the sourced from which the First Order extracted their resources. Hux didn’t think that Ren would be able to take down the First Order singlehandedly, even if he joined his bitch of a mother with the rebellion. But he could definitely slow down his plans and this was unacceptable. He did not have time to chase him to the corners of the galaxy, every second that Kylo Ren was on the loose, the more his new empire would suffer.

Suddenly, an idea came to mind and he sat down hurriedly at his desk, summoning the footage from the night that Supreme Leader Snoke was killed. Of course he had already watched it many time to memorize the details of Ren’s treachery, but this time he paid very close attention to Kylo’s interactions with that girl. He had obviously killed the Supreme Leader for her, but how deep did the relationship go? Hux assumed they had been in hiding together for as least a couple weeks. Maybe that was the key: Kylo Ren’s attachment to the sand rat. Hux didn’t even know Ren could feel anything but anger and self-pity, this was an unfortunate time for Ren to decide that he had a heart. But alas, there he was looking upon her with adoration on his hideous scarred face. It was then that Armitage Hux realized that he had been given the perfect bargaining chip to recapture Kylo Ren and kill him once and for all. Of course this would entail possibly losing the girl, but he had time to find her again. With Ren he was in much more of a hurry. And who knows? Maybe as soon as he captured Kylo Ren he’ll put a bullet in his little pet’s brain right there. He would have to sacrifice the dramatic flair of her public execution but it would sure make a statement, which was a special kind of torture that he hoped to inflict on Ren. Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone…

Everyone in the hallway jumped when the door to Hux’s private quarters opened abruptly and he stormed out in an angry determination. “PREPARE THE BROADCASTER. I NEED TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCMENT.” He shouted, not even bothering to address it to anyone in particular. The officers sprung to life hurrying off to prepare the conference room and the backdrop to create the announcement holos that Hux loved so much. Radio technicians were called in to set the broadcast frequency and there were even people working lights in the room to make his face look distinctive in the dull blue glow of a holo projection. Soon Hux was stalked through the room and everyone was giving him an incredibly wide berth. The tension in the air was palpable and in all honesty not many people in the room had the faintest idea of why. Rey’s capture had been kept under wraps for the purpose of a little short-lived secrecy. 

Hux cleared his throat as the holo rolled and his spine was rigid as steel as he began curtly. “The supposed “Last Jedi” by the name of Rey has been captured and is currently in First Order custody. Certain circumstances have forced me postpone her execution to a further date. Kylo Ren has cheated death and lurks among us, he is a dangerous man and I urge anyone with information on his whereabouts to come forward immediately. Those accused of withholding information will be imprisoned without trail. The following message is for the savage radicalists that call themselves the Resistance: I am willing to trade your scavenger for Kylo Ren if you, and only you, turn him into me. If I am not contacted within the week, she will be executed immediately. You have been warned.” And with that the holo cut off immediately. Hux felt there was no need for further threats. He had business to attend to.

“Prepare Interrogation Room 6 for prisoner 72, I would like the prisoner thoroughly strapped down and the necessary tools ready. I will be there very shortly and I expect the subject to be ready.” Hux barked at a small squadron of Troopers, who quickly filed out of her conference room and down to the lower levels of the ship. 

Hux returned to his quarters to retrieve his personal holopad and then headed off in the same direction, his meticulously shined shoes clicking down the reflective black flooring. He entered the room and smirked wickedly. “Leave us.” He demanded, and the Troopers filed out, leaving Hux alone with the prisoner 

“Well. What do we have here?” He pondered, walking a slow circle around the table.

Rey stared blankly at the ceiling, it was the only expression she had maintained since Ben walked out the door and it was her fail safe for when she retreated back into the safety of her mind. She didn’t answer and Hux wondered why she looked so absent. The scavenger was known for her inability to comply. 

“So far I have been brought 200 different Force sensitive individuals and they have been… very useful. You see… pain is an excellent tool for finding information. We’ve tested so many different devices to contain your people. Unfortunately not many have survived. Pity.” He gently picked up a pocket-sized device with two cords. At the end of each was an adhesive pad and Hux gazed at it admiringly. This was his favorite tool; he had found it loosened lips better than anything else. Additionally, he was a fan of tools that caused pain that couldn’t be fixed with bacta patches. 

Hux slowly walked to the head of the table near Rey’s head and gently moved her hair away from her temples. The gesture made Rey’s stomach roll. He then attached one adhesive pad to both of her temples. “I certainly hope your heart doesn’t give out scavenger bitch. I’d hate to have to restart it too many times.” He spat, fiddling with the dials behind her head, carefully selecting the voltage that he preferred. He always hoped to inflict pain that didn’t kill them but ade them wish that he had killed them.

“Why haven’t you killed me?” She said emotionlessly.

“Unfortunately, you’re an important asset to me. I need information.” He said before pressing down on a small red button on the device and sending waves of electricity straight into her body.

Rey convulsed, her eyes rolling back into her head as the pain ricocheted through her brain and down through all of her extremities, leaving a trail of fire in it’s wake. She clenched her knuckles as her heart pounded and her vision swam. Just as she was sure she was about to black out, he cut the electricity and watched her gasp for air and tremble.

“Where is Kylo Ren?”

“Get fucked.” She growled.

He punished her again with another shock and she groaned. “We had a scout on Naboo. We had sent him to deduce if we should overtake the city soon. By some stroke of luck he spotted an old carrier out in the middle of nowhere. Upon further investigation he happened to recognize you… through a window.” 

Rey swallowed hard. How much did Hux know about… How much had the scout seen?

“If Ren hadn’t have charged one of my officers… well you would be dead already. Isn’t it lucky that he was nearby?” He said, and then suddenly reached around and gripped her neck, getting her airways off. Rey jerked her hands against their restraint, desperate to pry his hands off of her throat.

“Where. Is. Ren.” He hissed, leaning his face close to hers before jerking away violently and turning up the voltage to deliver another shock.

Rey had promised herself she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of screaming but she screamed now. She screamed as her body jerked and sizzled. If she thought the last setting was bad, this shock was ten times more painful. She could feel the electricity coursing through her veins and jolting up her spine. By the time he stopped she was sweating heavily and letting out short labored breaths. It felt like she couldn’t pull enough oxygen into her lungs. 

“Don’t lie to me. TELL ME WHERE HE IS.” He screamed in her face.

“I DON’T KNOW!” She screamed back, “I don’t know.” She whispered afterwards, chest heaving.

“You’re a filthy liar.” He sneered.

“He left. He left right before my capture.” She spat dejectedly, “I don’t know where he was going.”

“Oh, oh! He LEFT you.” Hux feigned pity and plastered a mocking frown on his face. “The worthless scavenger tried to love a monster. Tragic.” He contemptuously. Rey gritted her teeth and looked away, which granted Hux proof as to the nature of their relationship. “I’ve always considered Kylo Ren as a temperamental child, I wonder how desperate one would have to be to CARE about him?” This struck a painful chord in Rey’s chest but she had already shown him too much so she schooled her face as best she could.

As he sent another horrendous shock through her body, she remembered Ben’s words, which almost hurt just as much. She had been so stupid to think he cared about her. The worst part was that Rey not only felt damaged and wounded, but she was also hopelessly confused. How could he think that she was plotting to turn him in? How could she have possibly been delusional enough to think that he would ever feel the same way about her? Even as fire burned up her insides, all she could see behind her eyelids was the sight of him walking out the door and abandoning her just like her family did. Now she was going to die. Hux would torture her until she was useless or her heart stopped, and Ben wouldn’t even feel her go. He wouldn’t even know if she was alive or dead as he ran across the galaxy by himself. The last words he had said to her ripped open the fresh wound and she lost the will to fight.

Her eyes glazed over and she let her body go limp, there was no use fighting it. Rey considered for a moment what it would be like to die. She had no knowledge of how the Force moved in the afterlife. And if by some miracle she lived to escape Hux, how was she supposed to live without him now? It wasn’t that Rey was dependent on him, in fact she had fared just fine without him, she just didn’t WANT to live a life without him anymore. It’s not like she could just forget him and move on with her life. The war would eventually end and then what? She finds a man that treats her nicely but could never understand her? Or she remains alone and finds an isolated rock to live on like Luke did. She understood now why her old master had chosen a life of solidarity. It wasn’t about hiding away or abandoning anybody, it was about not being able to return to life as usual. Rey wasn’t a Jedi and she didn’t have a place in the future. Sure she was an asset in the war but where would everyone go once it ended? Not to mention, if she isolated herself on some barren planet then the chances of her coming face to face again with Ben Solo was significantly lower. He was right. She had no place here. 

Hux shocked her several more times, more out of anger than anything else. He asked no more questions and only barely controlled himself from killing her. Ren was a much greater prize than the pitiful scavenger. He jammed his finger on the button again and again until Rey saw dark spots in her vision. The last thing she heard was Hux shouting to a Trooper outside.

“You’ll leave her here. No food, no water. Brighten the lights as well. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

 

Across the galaxy, Ben Solo had his time to react long before the announcement. He had entered the house they shared and slammed his fist into the wall until the drywall crumpled and his knuckles bled profusely. He had methodically gathered Rey’s things and loaded them on board the carrier, but sat on the small cot on board the ship and buried his face into his hands. The small evidences of her that lingered everywhere were each another shot to his aching heart. He couldn’t even look at the four-poster bed because he could still almost imagine the shape of her body as she curled up in his arms. When he stood inside the house he could feel a ghost of her presence brushing against his skin, ripping him to shreds. Every time he glanced at the couch in front of the window he imagined her sitting there and eagerly watching the water. It hurt, it hurt terribly.

If he lost Rey, he would burn this house to the ground with himself inside of it. He had also decided to stay on Naboo and wait for them to come take him too. Obviously Hux would kill Rey so what was the point in running? But he wouldn’t sleep in that dammed house. He wouldn’t rest among sheets that still smelled like her. He wouldn’t submit himself to the pain of waking up and realizing that the spot next to him was cold and his arms were empty. Instead, he gathered up the last of their stuff and slowly made his way to the carrier as the sun set. Not long after he sat down at the table did the comm chime and a projection of Hux’s snide face project out in front of him. Ben was dead silent as he listened to the message, but as it finished he was filled with a strong sense of purpose. If Hux wanted a trade then he had a trade, Ben would do it without a second thought. He would die for her a thousand times; he would do it even if it meant he would just get to see her again.

He stood straight of and disposed of his plans to let the First Order come to him. With a steady hand he punched in a set of coordinates, not even needing to prepare for what he had to do. He would do anything. ANYTHING. As he readied the ship for take off he remained rigid in his new sense of vigor.

Nest stop: Endor.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't even ready to WRITE this. I am stressed and deceased. 
> 
> ***Female Robbery by The Neighbourhood***
> 
> (Also I'm sorry for any typos. I'm very tired but I'll probably fix them tomorrow)

Rey had been lying there on the table for what felt like days, then again, it very well could be days that she had been isolated in that room. She had no way of keeping track of the time since the lights were constantly on and the room was windowless. And she supposed it didn’t matter if it had windows or not because she was 99% sure that they were drifting through space in what Poe would have called a “Big Ass Ship”. She was also 99% sure that she was completely delusional. It must be a consequence of the torture, the lack of food and water, and the absence of any human interaction. It also maybe had a little bit to do with her emotional state. You see, she had what the doctors would call a “broken heart”. This thought made her snort out loud. Rey was aboard a huge First Order ship, being tortured for information, and waiting to be executed, and she was worried about her FEELINGS.

“Preposterous.” She sighed to herself. 

Hux had come back after he electrocuted her half to death and asked the same series of questions. This time though he used different tools. He opted for an incredibly sharp knife and began his questioning but with a twist: every time she said anything that didn’t please him (which was everything she said) he would slice a few horizontal lines across her bicep. She learned that Hux was not only devious, but he was a ridiculous perfectionist. He wasn’t the type to slash and cut blindly to cause pain, he wanted to be neat so it was obvious that the wounds were done slowly and intentionally. It was almost like he was branding her with his method of torture. She wasn’t sure if it was going to scar or not but she assumed the horrors would forever be displayed on her skin. By the time he got frustrated and angry enough to leave, she had more than a dozen wounds from her shoulder to her elbow on the right arm. In her blood loss induced delirium and sleepless mania, she was grateful to see the blood running down her arm and dripping onto the floor. At some point she had decided that the electric shocks must have turned her insides to ash. 

Whatever sleep she did get she ended up dreaming of Ben, which evidently just worsened her condition. She had given up on the thought of rescue and came to terms with the face that she was very close to death. She never thought she would be ready for it but here she was. Dying terrified her as a young girl on Jakku. Maybe it was because she was so dedicated to surviving or maybe it’s because she knew she would just slowly waste away among the wreckages and nobody would ever remember her, she would just be another body buried in sand. But now she was ready, if it was her time then it was her time. There was literally no way to fight it. She thought it was sick the way she comforted herself with the fact that at least someone would be there to mourn her and she couldn’t help but hope that she wouldn’t be forgotten. Rey would die at the hands of the enemy but she would die a noble death never the less. She had fought in a war and became enough of a menace to the First Order that she was subjected to brutal torture. Maybe it was time for her to die a soldier’s death.

As if responding to this particular train of thought, there was a small knock at the door. That was a strangely polite gesture especially given that she was a prisoner. The door slid open and a small woman stepped in with a white medic uniform. She had blonde hair that was slicked back into a tight bun and soft features accentuated with stunning eyes the color of the blue-green waters on the shores of Naboo. Rey eyed her cautiously as she wheeled a small cart of medical supplies to the side of the table.

“My name is Cyris and I will be tending to you medical needs.” She said in a voice that rung clear and pleasantly like a bell. Rey was suspicious and untrusting of someone who appeared to be so gentle and kind. Cyris unclipped the forehead restraint and slipped a dainty hand behind Rey’s head to elevate it slightly and reached for a small cup of what looked like water. She brought it to Rey’s parched lips and helped her drink.

“There is an audio system linked to this room but the sound is very poor. They use it to make small notes and review interrogations. I’ve been the control room.” She whispered, barely moving her lips. “Don’t speak to me, don’t even look at me or we’re both dead.” 

The girl pulled out bacta patches and disinfectant for the wounds on Rey’s arm and continued to whisper, “I’m placing a very small metal pick under your right index finger. You will discreetly hide it in the waistband of your trousers. I have it in good conscience that you will be transferred onto another ship soon. When you are aboard this ship two Troopers will guard you. Then, and only then, should you attempt to disengage your Force suppression collar as well as the cuffs. You will have to find the small keyhole. Hux hasn’t quite perfected the mechanism. Make sure you leave the cuffs on until you reach your destination or you’ll be compromised.”

It took everything inside of Rey to not look up in absolute shock at the young woman as she finished wrapping up her wounds. With one parting glace she looked at Rey with a rebellious fire in her eyes, “Long live the Resistance.” And exited promptly without a second glance. 

Rey took a deep breath in the empty room and shifted her hips slightly so that she could hide the pick. An idea came to her mind and she decided to make a small hole in her waistband so it would be secure until she was ready to try her hand at breaking out of her restraints. Shortly after Cyris left the door slammed open and Hux strode brazenly back into the interrogation room followed by a devilish looking man wearing all black robes. They looked very familiar…

“Scavenger, this is Damian Ren, he’s very curious about you.” Hux gestured to the man behind him with a devilish gleam in his eyes. Damian Ren was of medium height but he was extremely stocky looking, he wore his tunic like armor instead of a disguise. His face chiseled but unsettling to look at with his burrowed dark eyebrows and eyes that were almost as black as night. His lips seemed to be set in a permanent cocky smirk and Rey was absolutely positive that she already strongly disliked him.

She turned her eyes back up to the ceiling with an air of boredom, “A Knight of Ren. That explains the hideous outfit.” Rey muttered bitterly. Obviously she had a certain Knight of Ren in mind that looked much better in black. This guy just looked like an asshole. 

“Feisty little thing.” Hux murmured to Damien as the man took slow steps around Rey. He assessed her in a way that made her skin crawl and she glared at him while he was in sight. He stopped by her side and grabbed her chin.

“Hello, little bird, I’ve heard so much about you.” He said in a fascinated whisper with his head cocked to the side. “Everyone liked a woman with… fire.”

Rey grimaced and jerked her chin away, “You’re disgusting.”

He retracted his hand with a grin on his face, “Excellent, excellent. Beautiful and vicious. Stay still won’t you? I’m SO curious to see just what all the RAGE it about.” He placed two fingers on her forehead and closed his eyes.

Rey grit her teeth at the intrusion, feeling violated as he tested her capacity for the Force. Damian found a startling amount of power whipping around her mind like a hurricane. He had only seen this kind of power in a few people, and himself of course. It seemed to go on forever and Rey locked him out of her mind the best she could. It didn’t feel the same way as when Kylo Ren had scoured her brain for information. Damien wasn’t exactly looking for anything but he was simply hovering there on the edges and studying her. 

When he opened his eyes his smirk got even more devilish, “Amazing. So much power.” He looked up at Hux, “What a waste.” 

Even Hux looked uncomfortable with Damien’s behavior, “Yes well… don’t get too attached. The scavenger will die along with her… lover.” He spat the word like it was acid on his tongue.

Damien raised his eyebrows in surprise, “Lover, you say?

“Yes, this sand trash is Kylo Ren’s new pet.” Hux sneered, picking at a wound he knew was sore. 

Damien’s casual demeanor slipped and his face contorted into a furious look of disgust, “You? With such a weak coward?”

Rey stayed silent, refusing to look at either of the men whilst chewing on the inside of her cheek.   
“Until he abandoned her, isn’t that right scavenger trash? You thought Kylo Ren could love you back?” Hux let out an abrupt laugh and crossed his arms. 

Damien roughly captured her chin between his thumb and forefinger, “You could be so much more than Kylo Ren’s plaything.” He whispered.

“What? Like YOUR plaything?” Rey barked, almost cackling with the thought.

He drew back slowly, “Of course.”

Rey recoiled from his answer, “I’d rather die.” She hissed and before she could even register it, he struck her in the face with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry, Little Bird. You must learn your place.” Damien murmered, turning away towards Hux and starting towards the door. “I’m done here.” He growled and Hux followed him quickly into the hallway. 

 

Being a mother is a unique skill due to the fact that one could never unlearn it. Motherly instincts were so deeply engrained that if you’ve raised a child you wont forget all the things you need to know about having a baby. Leia knew Ben’s force signature perhaps better than she knew her own. It was like knowing your home on a road filled with houses. To the untrained eye every house would look similar, but to each homeowner each looks vastly different. Even as her son strayed farther and farther from her, she could sense when he was near and she cold read him like a book. 

Leia knew he was there before he even broke the atmosphere of Endor. She could feel his mounting anxiety that matched her own. He was coming. Fast.

She nearly ran out the door towards Finn and Poe’s room. It wouldn’t be the first time she had woken them up in the middle of the night but this time it was more urgent than ever. She rapped on the door four times and tapped her foot as she waited for one of them to open the door. Finally the knob turned and Poe stepped through the threshold.

“General?” He asked sleepily.

“He’s here.” She said, and turned on her heel with full confidence that they would be hurrying after her. “Poe come with me. Finn go wake up Rose and meet us in the conference room, set up a comm link.” She said curtly, and didn’t fail to notice the worried glance both men shared as they turned in opposite direction. 

The pilot jogged up behind her, “What’s our game plan? Do I need cuffs or a blaster…” He asked, his voice sounded stressed.  
Leia spared him a single backwards glance, “If his intentions are good we won’t need any of that. I’m sure we all know why he’s here.”

“And if his intentions are bad?” Poe whispered harshly.

“Then Gods help us.” She responded gravely. 

As they stepped outside into the open air, Leia paused. It had been fifteen years since she had come face to face with her son. FIFTEEN YEARS. She realized she had never met him as a man, and the last time she saw his face was when he was kneeling on the executioner’s block. She chased away the thought; there was no need to obsess over these memories until he was in front of her. Instead she dedicated her attention to reaching out with the tendrils of her mind in the hopes that it would somehow guide him to the base. 

Poe just couldn’t believe they were anxiously awaiting the arrival of Kylo fucking Ren without 50 different weapons aimed at him. Leia hadn’t even given him time to snatch a blaster or even a large metal bar. What the hell was he supposed to do if that maniac went crazy? He always counted on Rey to keep him in his place and now? Now he was hurtling towards their location in the dead of night for gods know what. Well, he supposed he knew what Ren was coming for but he had no way of knowing if the guy was about to take their lunch money or kill them all. How would he protect the General? Hadn’t Kylo Ren tried to kill her before or was that a rumor? If Ren came quietly then he better be prepared for a bombardment of questions. Poe didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him.

Leia was filled with a rush of emotions as she saw the carrier land not too far in front of them. Poe was just happy to have his ship back. They both held their breath as the airlock opened and the ramp came down. Each expected a black clad monster to descend from the ship like a personified nightmare and storm up to them like he was entering a battle. Instead, the menacing monster that walked down the ramp looked a lot like a regular guy, except for the startling height and the huge scar that was even visible from a distance. Leia watched Ben Solo stride up to them determinedly and she felt a pang in her heart. He was dressed in a loose white tunic and long tan trousers that were tucked into his black lace up boots. He looked nothing like the creature that did Snoke’s biding. Instead he was a spitting image of Han. His hair had gotten long his face had gotten solemn; he had definitely become a man.

Once he stood in front of them he looked Leia in the eyes, “I’ve come to turn myself in.” He said in a deep gravely voice. Leia took in the dark circled under his eyes and the way his fists kept clenching and unclenching. His hair was a wreck from the way he had been running his hands through it nervously. Poe noticed this as well. His expression of twitchy exhaustion made him appear far more human, he looked nothing like the sick bastard that had tortured him years ago. Ren didn’t look like he had slept in days. Even more to his surprise he watched as Kylo Ren of the First Order extended his arms out wrists up as he waiting for the inevitable restraints.

But they never came. Instead Leia quirked an eyebrow at him and turned around back towards the base. Poe noticed the lightsabers on Ren’s belt and cleared his throat. The big man looked down at him and rolled his eyes, jerking the two sabers from his belt and depositing them in Poe’s outstretched hand. Even as Kylo’s presence put his teeth on edge, the pilot couldn’t help but admire the two weapons. He absolutely HATED to even think it, but Ren’s cross-guarded saber was cool as hell. 

They continued inside silently, Leia quickly clipping along in front and Poe cautiously bringing up the back. Curiously, as they passed by Rey’s old quarters Poe saw Kylo hesitate for a moment in front of her door. He slowly reached towards it and then suddenly jerked his hand away and continued after Leia. The pilot narrowed his eyes at the gesture but continued walking. 

In the conference room Finn could hear the footsteps as they paused outside the door before the handle turn. His anxiety peaked as Ren ducked through the doorway and took up a startling amount of space in the room. Finn stood up straight and assessed him critically. Rose was so tired she didn’t even bother to stand up but she did glare daggers. She was aware that this might be their only chance to get Rey back.

Leia took a seat at the head of the table and the other three took their spots across the table from Kylo, who had sat down slowly but remained poised to bolt… or attack.

Ben had prepared himself for this the entire trip to Endor. At first he felt indignant and it hurt his pride to imagine sitting in front of his mother and being interrogated about Rey by everyone who hated him most. However much he claimed to dislike her friends, he knew that they disliked him much, much more. He spent hours distracting himself and hammering away at his pride. Everything hinged on the way he behaved from here on out, hadn’t he said himself to let the past die? He chose complete transparency only for Rey’s sake. Also a small and childish part of him longed for her praise if he saw her again. Maybe she would hate him less, but then again maybe she would hate him forever. 

Ben had tortured himself with the guilt for the last four days. He refused to sleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw different memories of her. Every time he blinked he saw her smile, or her heartbreak, or her lust and it killed him each time. He had been awake so long that he began to hallucinate vividly, seeing her standing in the middle of the room even though he knew she wasn’t. Now when he sat in front of the Resistance crew, his exhaustion finally caught up to him. He was ready to be compliant, he was ready to answer questions, he was ready to do anything to get her back and he was too tired to be angry.  
“Just start at the beginning I suppose.” Leia said softly, reacting personally to the misery that her son was radiating. It took her off guard but something told her that he would continue to surprise them for the rest of this conversation. 

Ben took in a long breath and tried to piece together a simple summary of the last few months, “I was in an escape pod and I crashed on Hoth. She found me. Healed me. And wanted to leave because it was too cold for her there.” He looked down at his hands and fondly recalled that first real conversation. “We left for Jakku, hid out there for a couple weeks. Niima was destroyed and we had to run again. We left for Naboo, and stayed there up until…” He trailed off there, not quite ready to relive the memory but knowing he would have to very shortly. 

“Naboo?” Leia prompted.

Ben looked his mother in the eyes, “We thought we would be safe there.” And to the other people in the room they assumed that “there” was reffering to the planet. But Leia Organa knew exactly what he was talking about. 

Finn spoke up hesitantly, “Do you have any idea how you were found?”

Ben instinctually narrowed his eyes at the traitor but realized it and relaxed his face with a sigh, “No. We didn’t go into town. We rarely left... the house.” He finished awkwardly, avoiding Leia’s gaze. 

“We need to know what happened that day. EVERYTHING, Ben.” Leia commanded as if reading his mind as he tried to figure out how much he could leave out. But he already knew that his mother would see right through him anyways. He just hated that the three goons in front of him had to know as well. 

“She woke up from some sort of… bad dream. All she said to me was something about Force suppression and how we could die separately. I had a stupid idea and…” He couldn’t. How could he possibly sit in front of these people and recount the ways in which this entire situation was his fault. He considered lying and saying he left because she was slowing him down. But he had already lied to Rey about his feelings and he wasn’t going to lie again. He cleared his throat and swatted away at the emotion clouding his mind. “I thought since we can die separately that I could turn myself in and she could have a chance to live without the bond… without me. I had to lie to her to go without her following me, and I left. I was far away when I heard the ship but I couldn’t get there in time.”

The room was silent before Poe broke the silence, “So what, Ren? So you want us to believe you came here like some kind of fucking martyr? You want us to believe that you don’t have some ulterior motive?” Poe said angrily, jamming an accusatory finger at Kylo’s chest.

Ben glared at the pilot with murder in his eyes, “If you think for one god damn second that I would willingly live in this shithole of a galaxy without her then you are SORELY MISTAKEN!” Ben’s voice grew louder with each word and he punctuated the sentence by slamming his fist on the table with a desperate gleam in his eyes. 

“It wasn’t your choice to make.” A feminine voice softly spoke up.

Ben turned towards Rose Tico and she gazed at him emotionlessly. “You decided her future for her. You decided what you wanted for her and you should have let her decide what she wanted for herself.” She stated simply, and for some reason these words struck him harder than anybody else’s.

“Rey is the only good thing to come into my life in fifteen years. Please, let me do this one thing.” Kylo Ren, former Supreme Leader, NEVER pleaded for anything. But here he was practically on his knees in front to his mother and the Resistance, begging to be put to death.

“And what if… what if we can’t save her? What if the First Order never comes and Rey… you know.” Finn asked with a look of terrible worry on his face.

“The light within me will die, and I will end my life before becoming that monster again.” With his words the room fell into a heavy contemplative silence.

“Finn, Poe, you’ll send a message to the First Order informing them that we have Kylo Ren. Prepare for immediate evacuation for all the troops to the backup base on Kashyyyk, contact Chewie to set up a returning party. Evacuate the troops before daylight but you three are staying with me. Set up an emergency evacuation ship for us.” Leia ordered swiftly, neatly tying up loose ends and instilling a small amount of confidence in her officers.

She then turned her attention to Ben and Rose as they were the only ones left after both men hurried off with the comm link.

“Rose. I insist that you go get some rest.” The girl simply nodded and hurried out of the room.

This left Leia and her son alone in the same room together, “We will discuss the details later. In an ideal world we will get both of you out alive.” She said stiffly, letting the General speak before the mother in her interjected. “I hope you two took care of my house.” She scolded lightly.

Ben’s face flushed and he opened up his mouth in search of some kind of recovery before Leia lifted her hand, “Rey has a heart of gold. She will forgive you.” Whether you live to see it or not, she finished in her head sadly. 

“Go get some sleep, you need it. You’ll be in Rey’s room, I trust you know where it is?” She asked, and he only nodded as he stood up and ghosted out of the room.

Finding Rey’s quarters was easy; he could feel the light from her that still lingered here and as he closed the door behind him he was already drowning in all the things he had been holding in. Ben Solo sat on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands, wishing for nothing but to hold her in his arms one last time.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fans myself* Lord have mercy, is it hot in here or is it just Rey?
> 
> ***Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier***

Ben tried to talk himself out of snooping but he couldn’t help it. He was curious to see how she lived when he wasn’t around. Her small nightstand was littered with different parts and pieces that she had no doubt been toying with. He noticed it was just something she did often, turning broken things into useful things, turning monsters into men. She had become so strong with the Force that sometimes he forgot that she was a talented mechanic, she knew several languages, and she was an incredible pilot. Rey of Jakku was firing on all cylinders and she was absolutely too good for him. 

But all in all, he found very few things in her room and he knew exactly why. Rey always needed to be ready to leave in a hurry, that was probably how she got to him so fast but he did wonder how she already had a ship ready. Maybe he would have time to ask Leia because he was genuinely surprised that she would steal a ship from the Resistance. But he still didn’t know her THAT well and she was known for finding a way to survive at all costs. Ben had once wondered if she ever had to kill while she was on Jakku and he was 100% sure that she had. Which was startling because chances are that she had to end a life as young as 12 most likely. Sometimes he wished she didn’t have to go through the things she did, but now he knows that it’s a strong part of her identity. In fact, she had been through so many things that she made him feel like the biggest crybaby in the world. This was probably what drove him to let go of his anger towards his mother. She at once time had pointed out that at least he had a family. Ben had been through some horrible things but at least he didn’t spend his childhood alone and starving. He despised his parents for so long because they sent him away to be someone else’s problem, but she had told him to keep in mind that they were young parents, they had never raised a child and they were clueless.

“You need to stop pretending they did it out of malice, Ben.” She would say, “Leia had you in her early twenties. Imagine if you had a child here in your early thirties, wouldn’t you be just as worried and lost?” And that got him thinking about how absolutely terrible he would be as a father. When he finally fell asleep it was fitful. He dreamt of a wide variety of things: Rey, murder, marriage, torture, children poison needles, love. And when he woke up he felt less delirious but still tired. He could here the cacophony of footsteps outside and realized that the soldiers were evacuating. He supposed this was the best option if they had to call the First Order to them. If there were their defense was too heavy then they only made the situation more unpredictable and then they would all die. At least if things went bad Ben would save them some time. It was almost comforting that there were only a couple possibilities. Rey could die and Ben would die afterwards no matter what happened, He could die and Rey could live, or they both could escape which he highly doubted because he knew Hux well enough to know that he would make sure this didn’t happen. Obviously Option A would be the worst-case scenario, Rey didn’t deserve to die for Ben’s mistakes.

When he got out of bed, Ben noticed something that he hadn’t seen before. He bent to pick up a small object that was glimmering on the floor. As it grabbed it he realized it was a necklace of black cord. He recognized the wire wrapped pendant on it as a large shard of kyber crystal, presumably from Luke’s broken lightsaber. He slipped it over his head and tucked it under his tunic, it was a piece of her and he wanted to keep it near his heart. 

The footsteps outside were gone and the base was so silent it was eerie. Ben had only been here six hours and the place unsettled him. But to be fair, almost every place unsettled him unless he was with Rey. He thought about her for the thousandth time for the short while he had been awake. He tried not to think about what she was going through on that ship, but whatever it was he hoped that someday she would enact her revenge and relieve Hux of all his extremities. 

He could sense Leia, which was a very foreign sensation after so much time. Despite himself he was drawn to it, but it was instinctual. As much as he wished that he could just remain bitter and cold, he had to remember that these people loved her as well. He calmed himself with this thought; it was one thing nobody could take from him. Rey may hate him, and he would always be known as the monster that he was, but he had felt love in a heart that he imagined was long dead and that was an accomplishment he would take to the grave.

Ben got up and changed his clothes, opting for an outfit of dark colors. If he were going to die today then he would rather die in this. It seemed symbolic almost: it would be the official extermination of Kylo Ren, the dawn of a new day without the monster. 

He snuck out the door as if he was trespassing, which technically he was. He didn’t belong here any more than Rey belonged on board the Successor. But he did try his best not to looking like a hulking menace when he ducked into the conference room, which was especially hard while he stood at 1.9 meters. Leia and Rose were already there when he entered and the shock of seeing him there in the flesh without threatening to kill anyone was jarring. Ben awkwardly folded himself into one of the seats far from each woman.

Leia looked at him gravely with worry in her eyes, “The First Order will be here much sooner than we predicted. We gave them the coordinates and they are headed our way. They’ll be here in only a few hours.

Poe burst through the door just then and looked directly at Ben with a tense look in his eyes, “The small ship they had dispatched contacted us. It was some guy named Damien. Said you were ‘old friends’.”

 

 

Rey was unsure of what exactly was going on. All she knew was that she would soon be moved to a smaller ship to go somewhere. She assumed that she was being taken to here execution site but nobody would inform her of what was actually going on.

Hux had walked into her cell with a menacing grin on his face accompanied by four Stormtroopers. He ordered them to remove the shackles that tied her to the table and they did so unnecessarily roughly. Her legs were so weak that she wobbled and fell to her knees on the hard metallic surface of the floor. It was then that Hux began to beat her absolutely senseless while she was strung by her arms between two especially large Troopers. He actually took her by surprise when he ripped off his glove and backhanded her hard across the face, she felt her head whip back and her cheek sting hotly. 

“This is your parting gift, scavenger bitch.” He spat while winding back his other hand for a slap in the other direction. He then proceeded to punch her in the face so hard that her entire head jerked backwards and the skin on her bottom lip busted open. Rey was unsure of how to react to this new brutish torture that   
Hux was enacting. When she thought of it, she had never seen him fight before and she assumed that he couldn’t. He interrupted her thoughts with several brutal blows to her ribs with the heel of his boot. Rey could feel her ribs slightly give into the fracture resulting in several fractures but no full breaks. And she was relieved about this until he whipped out a solid looking baton and berating her with that as well. He swung it in a slightly angled fraction to where it glanced off of her cheek and crashed into the corner of her eyebrow, opening up and gash that poured blood down the right side of her face. He also swung it at her torso as well and now she had no doubt that some of her ribs were broken completely. He crashed the baton across her face a few more times before finishing with a devastating blow to her stomach. Rey doubled over and the guards jerked her up to her feet, successfully reopening the wrapped wounds on her right arm, she hissed and spat at Hux, which earned her another slap across the face. Rey did not know exactly where she was headed but she did know she would arrive there looking like a bloody mess. Unfortunately, she had really woken up on the wrong side of the torture table this morning and she was spitting mad and disturbingly violent, this was probably because she hadn’t had a bite to eat since she was captured, she was only hydrated enough to stay conscious, and for the last few days she had been beaten and tortured to the point where she had temporarily became more of a rabid animals than a person. In fact, she felt if she looked at herself in the mirror she would see nothing but tangled hair and wild eyes. There was a storm brewing inside of her; one that nobody could see coming. 

Damien Ren was waiting for her outside in the hallway, leaning against the wall with a lax grip on a lethal looking double bladed pole-arm. He smirked and looked her up and down in a way that set her teeth on edge. Rey imagined Force pulling the weapon from him and jamming the blade through his throat and Damien smirked as if reading her thoughts. 

“Such venom in those eyes, Little Bird.” He said in a lilting voice.  
Rey said nothing, not wishing to engage him in any more conversation than she needed to. Responding to his innuendos and nonchalant misogyny would only encourage him further. He turned and sauntered off down the hallway and the Troopers jerked her forward to follow him. They twisted down shiny hallways of red and black glassy floor. She snarled at any passerby that stared for too long and to her delight they would quickly shuffle away.

Soon they reached a large open hangar with surprisingly few people hustling about. Near the exit was a sleek black monster of a transport ship, obviously a newer model than she had ever seen, it was clear that this would be their transportation to this mystery location. Damien waved the Troopers aside and Damien himself gripped her hands behind her back and jerked her over towards where Hux was looking out into the open space admiringly. 

“We are ready, Supreme Leader.” Damien said stiffly, forcing Rey to the spot right by his side.

Hux looked upon Rey’s beaten face with pride before looking back at him, “You know your orders, I assume?”

“Of course, Supreme Leader.” Damien said in a tone that made Rey curious about the commands he had been given. What did he dislike about them?

“Very well.” Hux said, turning sharply on his heel and striding straight out of the hangar. Rey glared hatefully at his retreating back, wishing for the day that somebody would relieve him of his head. She was jerked from her sick fantasy as Damien roughly shoved her up the ramp and into the ship. The interior was exactly what she would have imagined: all black and dangerous looking. Damien assessed her for a very long second.

“You’re going to have a very long day, Little Bird.” He said cryptically, before taking her to the back of the ship where a small dark cell was hidden, guarded by two men just as Cyris had predicted. Rey battled down the bubble of hope that sprouted in her chest as Damien tossed to into the cell and slammed the door shut. He grinned at her deviously; totally unaware that she was just fearless enough to come up with her own plan. Rey had nothing to lose.

Rey began by assessing her wounds. Of course, she was heavily bruised and beaten but there didn’t seem to be anything life threatening. The cut across her forehead had stopped bleeding but her cracked ribs made it hard to breath. She most definitely had a concussion and that was somewhat worrisome as well. But she wasn’t dead, and she had accounted for all of her body parts so that was a victory. Although, she was so sleep deprived and hungry that she was borderline insane and the dark thoughts in her head invaded her consciousness unopposed and sunk into her brain. After enough time the gruesome mistreatment reactivated the part of her that learned to kill or be killed. She had fallen back into the territory of her primal, most basic, instincts. 

She scooted back into the darkest corner of her little prison and shifted her bound wrists to her hip where she had stashed the little metal rod. It was still there, thankfully and she wiggled it out of its hiding spot within the fabric. For the first time she looked at it and began to think through what exactly she needed to do. The lock mechanism of the collar and cuffs were foreign to her but she was a scavenger, when learning was synonymous with surviving she became a quick study. She started to attempt at unlocking the cuffs before she had a heart stopping thought. If Damien was Force sensitive then wouldn’t he be able to be able to feel it when it came rushing back to her? Rey was pensive for a moment. Maybe if she undid the collar now she could more subtly remove the cuffs at the last second when he was distracted. Then she would have her opportunity. This seemed risky but no less risky than getting found out by Damien Ren; she would take her chances.

Rey made quick work of the collar, figuring it was the same concept as the cuffs. There must be some sort of energy circuit that needed to be interrupted to return her Force powers. It was separate from the actual lock mechanism, which seemed to be some sort of magnetized lock that she could easily rip apart with the Force. As she jimmied her way into the collar suppression system, she felt a gentle warm buzz return to her body. It wasn’t a lot, which meant that the cuffs were the dominant suppressor. In a way this comforted her, it ensured that Damien wouldn’t feel her power return when she picked the cuff system. She longed to release herself from the suppression completely but she would wait patiently until the right time, Rey was good at waiting.

 

Ben had joined Finn and Poe in the communications room across the hall to wait for any signal from the First Order. The latest update was that they would be here in the late afternoon. They were all sitting around the small table with the comm-link on it, surprisingly bored.

After a very long time Poe broke the silence, “So… Rey.” He started awkwardly,

Ben looked up at him curiously but didn’t say anything, instead letting him say what he was trying to say.

“What are you guys like… a couple?”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the hilarity of his current circumstanced but for the first time Finn and Poe saw Kylo Ren laugh out loud, “Seeing as neither of us have ever been in a formal relationship, I’d say this is a very complicated situation.”

Poe blinked at his openness and his dry humor, “How OLD are you?”  
“32...” He responded slowly.

“Rey is 22.”

“She estimates that she’s 22, yes..”

“That still makes you a lot older than her.” Poe argued.

Ben was thoughtful for a moment before speaking up, “How much younger is he,” he nodded towards Finn, “than you?” 

Finn’s jaw dropped, “You and your mother, I swear to the Gods…” He grumbled.

Poe narrowed his eyes venomously at Ben before opening his mouth again, “So what, Ren? You’re just the good guy now?” he said somewhat sarcastically with a hint of curiosity. 

“No… but Rey seems to believe that there’s something worth saving.”

“And do you believe that?” Finn interjected, pushing him further.

Ben looked baffled, “Of course not, I’ve already told her this. But she’s so hard-headed.”

Finn looked at him thoughtfully, “Is it true that she left that…” Finn gestured to the general area of his face.

“The scar? Yes, she almost cut my head in half.” He said wistfully, which was a strange way to approach being horribly disfigured. 

“And what about what happened on Snoke’s ship?”

Ben glared at the younger man, “Are you planning on bringing up every time Rey’s tried to kill me?” 

Finn had the nerve to look slightly abashed, “Let’s say… Let’s say we get you both off this planet alive, then what? You run off and hide away again?”

Ben had thought about this many times, even if they did live their situation would be much more complicated, “I’m not going to make her choose between me and her… family.” He grimaced.

“And if she chooses you? You don’t seem like the ‘settle down and get married’ type of man’.” 

“I may be a cold, vicious, bastard but I’m not afraid to commitment.” The other men in the room were once again baffled by his cynical humor. “There is no one else for me, I am sure of that.” He added in a more serious tone. 

“Is it true you were… changing the Storm Trooper program?” Finn interrogated with his eyebrows furrowed together and his jaw set.

Curiously, Kylo Ren of the First Order flushed, “I… attempted to set up a voluntary military. It seemed more… humane.” He said deeply, trying desperately not to seem as if he was asking for praise. 

“How did that work out?”

“Seeing as I was promptly thrown in jail for eight months I would say it didn’t go as I would have hoped.”

“Starkiller as well?” Said Poe.

Ben knew what he was referring to but he wasn’t sure how the Resistance had caught wind of it, “Vetoing another Starkiller base was received equally as well.” He grumbled.

Just as he finished her sentence, a buzzing and crackling emanated from the commlink before a curst announcement came over the line announcing their arrival into atmosphere. All three men jumped up and Ben felt his heart jump up into his throat. She was here. They were here. He would die. She was here. She was here. 

Ben had Rey’s lightsaber clipped to the back of his belt for safekeeping, and he was floored when Poe Dameron held out the black cross guard saber to him, which he gratefully attached to it’s usual spot here his right hand. Both men were armed with two blasters, and Ben assumed that the rest of the party would be armed similarly. 

Finn busted into the conference room first. “It’s time.” He said, and Leia looked up form her spot at the head of the table. 

When the General rose from her seat, a collective sense of calm and duty settled upon the small group, including Ben. There were no more words necessary now; they had prepared as much as they could. Rose quietly split off to her position on the ship, which was packed and ready to go. She would keep it running in case they needed a rapid evacuation. Leia followed her with a portable comm link to stay in communications with the Resistance ship that was headed off to the back up base, the crew didn’t want to risk getting her killed and leaving the growing Resistance with no direction.

That left Ben, Finn, and Poe to meet the First Order ship that was headed their way. They stopped slightly outside of the large hangar door and watched as the black speck in the sky grew bigger and bigger.

Ben could already feel Damien Ren’s energy pulsing toxically and it made his skin crawl. He had never met a more devious man in his life; he was an entirely different brand of ‘sick’. Just underneath he could feel a dull, warm glow that washed over his skin like sunlight. He knew the feel of her so well, even as the Force had dulled within her he could still sense her from so far away. He took a sharp inhale and let it out his nose, “She’s there.”

It didn’t take long for the ship to reach them, setting down gently on the tarmac and blowing up dust and steam all around. Kylo’s heart was pounding so hard he could almost hear it as they stepped closer and waiting in agonizing silence as the ramp came down. Two Stormtroopers exited first, which struck Ben as strange until he realized that OF COURSE Hux would not come himself, it was too risky. Instead he had sent Damien Ren, who didn’t believe he needed much backup. It was a silly show of pride and Ben suppressed a snort. But all his humor dissolved when they finally emerged from the ship. Damien was clothed in all black, with an abundance of fabric billowing up around him like a dark wraith. He shoved forward a bedraggled looking Rey, who was wearing the same outfit he had last seen her in. The air whooshed out of his lungs when he took in the sight of her bruised skin and bloody face. Her lip was split, and despite her rebellious shuffle he could see that something was inhibiting her from standing all the way straight. Finally she looked around, quickly meeting eyes with him and holding them as a look of shock and hurt crossed over her face. Ben wished he could scream right now and take it all back, he wished she didn’t have to spend another second believing his lies. She looked wildly at Finn and Poe as they grew near, before Damien shoved from behind and she crashed to her knees on the ground, barely catching her fall with the palms of her bound hands. Ben’s knuckled clenched and he ripped his eyes away from Rey to look to Damien Ren.

“Let’s make this fast, Damien.” He growled.

The other man just smirked, “Sacrificing yourself for this little thing, that’d very valiant for such a weak and spineless human being.” 

Ben didn’t respond, keeping his eyes narrowed in a hateful glare. 

“I’d like you to know that I have orders to kill her anyways, but you’ll be glad to know that I plan on disregarding them.”

“What’s your game, scum?” Finn demanded hotly.

“I don’t know… what’s my game little bird?” He murmured down to Rey.

“Go die.” She spat.

Damien chuckled in amusement, “We’ll clean up her language.” Seemingly without warning he spun towards Rey and delivered a violent backhand, knocking her clear to the ground. 

“I’ll rip you to shreds.” Ben ground out, keeping his eyes fixed on Rey who jerked herself upright. If it hurt she didn’t show it. 

Damien looked down at her in admiration, “I understand why you wanted to hunt her down so bad Kylo, what a treasure. She will soon make a FINE empress. I can assure you of that.”

It was then that Ben’s hands started to shake and he could feel the darkness slamming into his skull. He chased away thoughts of her with… him. The things he would do, the things she would endure… He felt sick to his stomach as he looked at Damien in shock.

“Oh, what’s wrong Kylo? Did you really want her for yourself? You?” Damien let out a cruel chuckle before starting again in a dark voice, “With her by MY side she could have the entire galaxy. Can you imagine her potential if I turned her? We could bring the universe to it’s knees. Create an heir…”

Kylo ignited his lightsaber and made a move as to approach Damien, but the other man saw this from a mile away. He whipped out a blaster from the mass of robes and pointed it straight at Rey’s temple without once braking eye contact. . 

“Oh I wouldn’t do that. I would still put her down just break you.”

Beside Ben, Finn averted his eyes from both men to glace at Rey. She had remained uncharacteristically silent during such a degrading conversation and somehow neither of the arguing Force sensitives had noticed. Finn saw the sun catch a small metal object that Rey was fiddling with in her fingers. She was using the distraction to work this object into her fingers so she could use it. He only watched out of the corner of his eye warily, but then almost gasped out loud when he realized she was picking the locks to her cuffs. In that moment it was all Finn could do not to laugh out loud at Rey’s resourcefulness, but he remained stoic and angry looking to divert any attention from her. In the small moment that he was been distracted, the argument had only become more and more heated, Finn was actually unsure how much longer it would be before somebody died, but right now his money was on Ren, who was poised to attack with murder in his eyes.

By now the two Troopers were getting nervous, moving away from Rey to position themselves to shoot Kylo if they needed to. The temperature seemed to rise and Rey was still blindly picking the lock. 

Rey cleared her throat and Damien whipped around to face her with fire in his eyes, “Shut up bitch!” He shouted.

She blinked unfazed, “I was only going to say that you’re right, Damien.” She said sweetly. She managed to stand up and stood to look up into his face, which had morphed from vicious hatred to a bemused gloating.

Ben’s world spun and his heart ached painfully as she got closer to him. After everything they had been through, was this how he would lose her? Not to the First Order but to another man? He distinguished his saber and slackened his grip, fighting to stay upright as her face grew near to his.

Rey whispered softly but loud enough for everyone to hear, “It just seems like I’ve been so terribly…” Before anyone could process it, the cuffs around Rey’s wrists shattered and he summoned Ben’s lightsaber straight from his hand. She raised it so the but of the hilt was level with her forehead and ignited it, sending a bolt of snarling red plasma straight through Damien Ren’s skull, killing him dead before he could say another word, “Underestimated.” She finally finished.

Finn had his blaster trained on the two guards but he hardly even needed it. Rey charged both men with lethal grace like a predator. She help one hand out to the Trooper and lifted him straight off his feet. He dropped his weapon and used his gloved hands to grope at his jugular, which was slowly cutting off his air supply. Rey suddenly closed he fist and the three men could almost hear as the bones in his neck crunched and his limp body fell to the ground.

“Where the fuck did she learn that?” Ben whispered.

Poe looked up at him in horror, “You mean it wasn’t YOU?”

Finn on the other hand was just grinning with pride as his friend saved herself. 

She turned slowly to the other man, who had completely froze and took a cowardly step back, seemingly to forget the blaster that he was gripping in his hands. Rey approached him as he backed away, twirling Ben’s lightsaber as if it was her own. Something primal unlocked within Ben as he watched her impale the guard through the stomach with HIS weapon. 

She paused after his body hit the cement, before spinning around quickly with a look of absolute fury in her eyes that made all three of them take a step back. She locked eyes with Ben and practically snarled.

Poe patted Ben on the back hurriedly, “Good luck buddy, this is all you.” He turned to quickly exit off towards the ship and shouted over his shoulder, “Welcome home Rey. Proud of you. Love you.” His voice sounding a little nervous.

Rey only spared them a quick glance before turning back to Ben and charging him with his own lightsaber still ignited at her side. 

“BEN SOLO. I swear to the GODS I am about to kill you again!” She yelled.

Ben gazed at her in wonderment as she stormed towards him with murder in his eyes. She was so wild, so beautiful. She got close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off her skin and see the freckles across her cheeks, and the way her rosy lips formed every insult she could possibly throw at him. Phenomenal. He couldn’t help but only gaze at her in adoration, and he couldn’t help it any less when he gripped both sides of her face and crushed his lips to hers as if he was drowning and she was the only oxygen left in the galaxy. 

Rey jerked back for a moment, searching his face for something and obviously finding it, because she wound her arms around him as well and returned the kiss passionately. They stayed locked together for a long time, relishing in the feeling of being reunited. Ben could very well spend the rest of his life on this bloody tarmac with Rey’s lips on his. When they finally broke apart, they pulled back only to gaze at each other wordlessly. Time for talking would come soon, but right now was just for them.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a sweet little chapter to chase down the all this drama and sadness! Thank's for sticking with me! 
> 
> ***Lions by Deptford Goth*** (also I know I've used this song before but it fits so WELLLLLL)

Ben watched as Rey reunited with her friends and his mother. He felt a pang of jealousy at their ability to so carelessly share their love for one another. Even as a child he struggled to articulate his feelings properly to the people in his life. It wasn’t that he lacked the words, Ben had been an exceptionally brought child, but he was painfully shy and anxious. He was also odd, and he LOOKED odd, and he often fell victim to those who didn’t like anyone who was different. He had strange mannerisms and he spoke like he was from another time period. Regardless, he had always struggled with his feelings precisely because he had too many of them, and he felt nothing in moderation. His emotions rested somewhere on a very wide spectrum of good and bad.

Since Rey had been taken he rapidly had to come to terms with his feelings. He realized the small ways in which he tried to sabotage his relationship with Rey to avoid the things he felt for Rey. He had already told Finn and Poe that he wasn’t afraid of commitment, but he was terrified of rejection, and Rey had every single reason in the book to reject him. He was insecure and afraid, like a child. Additionally, he had never in his life felt romantic love before. The darkness in his heart shied from the rapid growth of this fire that she had lit inside him. Within such a short period of time she had picked the DNA from his body and pieced it back to together. She had unraveled him completely and for a short time he felt as if he had lost his identity. When he thought he had lost her forever, he realized that she hadn’t taken who he was, she had simply given him the pieces and gifted him the choice to put them together differently. Still, such a pure feeling had felt foreign in his dark heart, but it belonged there. She was his equilibrium. 

So he watched as she expressed her love so unguardedly, even after all the times in which she had been deprived of it. This was just one of many times that he wished he was more like. He wished he wasn’t the person he was. She and his mother hugged tightly and an un-namable feeling made his chest feel tight. She was perfect; this was the reason that he figured she would be better off without him. Rey deserved a warm home and a family, not cold bunks and a broken man with a rag tag group of misfits. 

Even watching Finn and Poe interact with each other in such subtle ways: a glace, a smile, and a brush of the fingers. He wanted so badly to be able to openly express these things with Rey. For the first time he wondered if she would even want to be… public with him. Would she even want anyone to know how they felt about each other (if she felt the same way at all)? Ben knew a conversation would ensue very, very shortly in which he would have to somehow convince her that every word he had said in his goodbye was a lie. The only way she would believe him was if he was completely honest about his intentions, and this would require him to open up to her without the fear of rejection.

“We need to take off before Hux gets wind of this. I’m not sure if we should go directly to the base in case we’re somehow being tracked.” Poe was whispering in a low voice to Leia. The General only nodded and looked out of the front window of the large carrier ship.

“Set coordinates for open space. We will talk about it again when we get there. We all need some rest.” Leia said, “The rooms are towards the back, Rey and Ben are on the right, Finn and Poe are in the middle, and Rose and I will be on the left.” Everyone nodded.

The ship was a large ovular shaped thing, used mostly for moderately wealthy families. Poe had stolen it from Corruscant about a year before and he was embarrassed by it’s luxury that felt so misplaced within the Resistance. Regardless, it was very good on fuel, it was conspicuous in populated areas, and the people he had taken it from were some class-act assholes. He figured it would have a purpose soon, and now was a better time than any. The cockpit was a large open semicircle with a table in the middle and booths and couches lining the outer walls. There was a large frosted glass door that led to rectangular entryway. Just as Leia said there were three doors leading to three different bedrooms that were all equipped with their own freshener. The entire ship had a modernized feel to it with its glassy accents and dark ambiance. It felt like something straight out of a commercial for fancy wine. Now that the graveness of the situation had subsided, the ships occupants were trying desperately to hide their awe. 

“Rey, you need to go get cleaned up.” Leia added sterly, with a pointed look at Ben who sheepishly placed his hand on the small of Rey’s back to lead them to what would be their room.

When they entered he watched her intently as she paused to take in the luxury. When Ben had first came in here early this morning he had noticed the black silk sheets on the bed and inwardly groaned. At the time he had thought to himself that he was about to die with the full knowledge that Rey would be sleeping all alone in the bed from his fantasies. But now they were both alive and there were so many places he could… He stopped right there. With his behavior as of late he was very doubtful that he would ever get laid again in his entire life. 

Rey turned around quietly, “I need to… clean up.” 

Ben cleared his throat, “Oh… Uhm, of course, I put your things in the closet.”

Rey turned towards the closet and opened it up while Ben found something to distract him with. He would rather not talk about how he had hung up all of her clothes for her. He just felt silly now. With his back turned he heard her small pattering footsteps as she crept into the freshener and turned on the water. 

He took the time to change as well, throwing on a loose white shirt and black trousers to sleep with. He had gotten so used to sleeping in practically nothing during their time on Naboo: now he figured that would be ill received. She would no be impressed if she walked out and he was only in boxer shorts. 

He heard the shower turn off and after a few minutes she emerged from the steaming room looking much more comfortable, although she was only wearing a long, full-sleeved black tunic that almost looked like it was made from sheer fabric. Rey had worn it because it was cool and loose enough that she could easily treat her injuries but she was unknowingly giving Ben Solo heart palpitations, She sat on the edge of the bed and Ben knelt down on the floor next to her, tugging along a small medkit. Before he could say anything her hands were hovering over her sternum and her eyes were closed gently. It wasn’t long until she was done healing that specific injury that he spoke. 

“Your ribs?” He asked quietly. Rey only nodded in response. 

He gingerly picked up her right wrist to inspect the bandages on her forearm, “May I?” He asked.

She shrugged, “I’m not sure you want to see.”

He regarded her curiously for a moment before slowly started to unravel the abundance of gauze. He threw away the wraps and peeled off the bacta packs and nearly growled at what he saw. A horrifying amount of cuts going all the way from her elbow to just below her shoulder. The bacta packs had obviously helped them heal but the multitude of angry red scars had yet to fade. He knew immediately that it was Hux himself and a possessive piece of him lit ablaze in fury. He looked up at her, pleading for an explanation.

“He made a mark for every answer he didn’t like. Fortunately, the nurse that came in to clean me up was Resistance, she smuggled in a lock pick.” She muttered as Ben lightly traced a finger over the marks and tried to calm his breathing. 

“What else?” He said darkly, watching her as she quickly healed her split lip as well as the gash on her forehead. 

She looked slightly uncomfortable, “Electrocution, lots of it.”

He looked up at her “Rey…”

“Why did you leave, Ben?” She interrupted.

He blanked, “I… didn’t want to…”

“But you did.”  
“Does this really not mean anything to you?” She asked coldly, leaning away from him as her tried to reach out for her.

“No Rey I… love you. So incredibly much.”

“Then why would you do that? Why would you say the things you did?” Her eyes welled up with tears and Ben’s heart broke.

He let out a shuddering sigh and sat down next to her on the bed, “I was… I was going to turn myself in and I didn’t want you to try and follow me.” He admitted.

“WHY would you do that?!” She said, shooting up to her feet and standing right in front of him.

Ben looked at the ground and then he straightened his spine to look at her, “I thought you deserved better than this.”

“Better tha… That’s MY decision, Ben!”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“NO you don’t know because I KNOW that you still think that. I wasn’t there with you because I HAD to be. I could have run off back to the Resistance but I didn’t. I CHOSE to stay. I CHOSE you.” She nearly shouted.

“I know, I know Rey. Im sorry. I thought that maybe if I was gone you would have a chance to… live a normal life when this is all over. You know… meet a NICE man…”

Rey scoffed and crossed her arms, “Are you serious? Are you actually being serious?”

“Well… yeah.” Ben responded sheepishly. 

“You’re ridiculous. She paced angrily for a second before returning to her spot right in front of him, “You think I could go through all of this and just MOVE ON?!” Kylo stood up slowly to tower over her in the least imposing way that he could.

“I’m just trying to say that I’m sorry it’s me. I will never be able to be the person you deserve.” 

Rey’s mouth dropped open, “How could you SEE it so shallowly?! You think the Force spun a wheel and picked us to be bonded together? We are two sides to the same coin, we are BALANCE, Ben.” She shoved him hard on the chest, “Can’t you see we’re MADE for each other?”

He blinked at her rapidly, trying very hard to process the things that she had said. Two sides of the same coin. Made for each other. She echoed his inner monologue but she was brave enough to say it out loud. Now it was his turn. He returned to his seat on the edge of the bed and lightly tugged her over to stand in between his knees. 

“I’ve been alive for thirty years, Rey, and you are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He murmured, looking up at her earnestly, “When I was too late getting to the ship… I lost it. Hux offered the Resistance to trade my life for yours and I came straight here. I would die for you a thousand times.” His voice became passionate, he looked deep into her eyes sincerely and Rey felt her pulse quicken.

She lightly gripped his face and planted a gentle kiss on his lips before crawling into bed. “Come to bed, Ben.” She said softly.

He quickly turned his head, “Like there? With you?” He blurted,

Rey rolled her eyes, “Yes. Over here. With me.”

He slid under the covers and rolled on his side to cradle her against his chest. She tugged at his T-shirt. “Take this off.” She murmured.

He was curious as to why but he sat up and yanked the shirt off anyways before returning to his spot next to her. He held her against his chest like he had before and they both sighed at the way the skin to skin contact sent a ripple pleasure down the awakening bond. Ben reached over quickly to switch off the lights and then simply held her in the dark, feeling the way her body fit into his and the small warm puffs of breath he could feel across his collar bone. He shivered when she tilted her chin to kiss the skin under his jaw. He wished this night would last for the rest of their lives. They could stay safe here in this room wrapped up in each other under these silk sheets, simply listening to each other breath with their hearts beating as one. He would get down on one knee in the darkness and they would grow old together before dawn. A world alone with only Rey would be paradise. 

“Ben.” Rey murmured.

“Mm?” 

“I love you too.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is an UNBOTHERED queeeeen.
> 
> I have no song for this but it's just because I'm very lazy.

“Please, Mother.” 

Broken columns surrounded her like fallen soldiers, forgotten amid the dust and ruin. The temple was nearly forgotten. It had been lost for so long that an entire generation had come and gone and several wars had been fought. Regardless, the long destroyed chambers and the cracked stone of the ancient sacrificial chambers still dripped with thick black energy like blood. It was a force, not from any sort of living being, but from the very planet itself, emanating outwards like a beating heart. The stone and sand was equally alive as the try mangled trees that grew and the few creatures that dwelled among them. The planet Dathomir was a living catalyst for dark energy. 

“I’m purposeless in the physical realm without your guidance, Mother. Please show me the way.” Ventra was crying now, streams of her pained tears rolling down the skin of her long pale face and splattering in the red dirt. She had gravitated to the altar long ago, drawn by the very space in which Mother had sacrificed her physical form to create the failed Sith, the disgrace. Undeserving. Weak. Bested by the same Jedi time and time again. 

Ventra grieved at the altar, praying for strength; the last woman to practice the sacred religion of the Nightsisters before she had been seduced to the dark side by Supreme Leader Snoke, making her the only Knight of Ren who wasn’t a deserter of the Jedi religion. Snoke had felt as if her unorthodox skillset would make her an asset to the Knights. He was right, Ventra was agile and stealthy, she moved through the battlefield like smoke, seemingly untouchable and merciless. Unbeknownst to Ventra, Snoke also sensed the genetics within her that tied her to the ancient peoples of Dathomir, she was a spitting image of Asajj Ventress, though nobody knew how her family came to be. As far as anybody knew, Asajj had never produced any offspring but her mysterious granddaughter was undoubtedly endowed with her power. Kylo Ren wasn’t the only Knight with strong lineage, and Ventra hated him viciously for it. She was insulted by his weakness and his turmoil. He was once the strongest of them all but he betrayed his grandfather’s legacy for a worthless girl. Ventra was jealous that someone so weak could deserve the apprenticeship of Snoke, she would have been a much more powerful candidate. The hatred she felt for Snoke for his mistake festered inside of her for years, she had been cast aside by her master much like Asajj had been so many years ago. Dooku had chosen a disgrace over Ventress, and Ventra had chosen Kylo Ren over her. She hated them both. She hated all of the Knights, and she hated them even more when she discovered her lineage in the old archives. 

Ventra returned to her roots, and had stayed there on Dathomir ever since, plotting her revenge. If Kylo Ren hadn’t have killed Snoke, Ventra would have done it herself. It was just another reason to hate Ren, he had not only taken the praise she deserved, but he had also stolen away her plot of revenge. She prayed for power from the Mother, power that would help her in her new conquest. As much as she despised Kylo Ren, she despised the other First Order lapdogs much more. The other Knights of Ren that had become pitiful puppets for Armitage Hux after the death of the Supreme Leader. It was sickening the ways in which they thoughtlessly did his bidding in the name of fear and power. Did they have minds of their own? Had they no concept of the things they could do apart from the First Order?

Ventra owed nothing to the First Order. It had taken everything from her. The entire world had taken everything from her. EVERYTHING. She let fresh tears stain the rust-colored earth as she recalled a long buried in the dirty underbelly of Corruscant. She was alone. No family, no history, no food and no water. She had no belongings to her name and she grew up a thief and a criminal. Ventra knew nothing but crime and evil men until Snoke had hand picked her from the streets. At first she had been grateful, but she now knew that the First Order had no plans to salvage the people at the bottom. Hux planned to exterminate people like her and he called it “cleansing”. The biggest mistake that the late Supreme Leader Snoke had made was allowing Ventra Ren access to her own history. She had learned too much and became to aware. 

And now she sat praying earnestly to the shattering remnants of her Mother, begging for guidance, and getting no response for months on end. She had so much anger, but no direction and no focus. Ventra was desperate for a sign, or even the smallest of blessings.

 

Mother Talzin had kept a close eye on her youngest sister behind the veil of the spiritual world. The child, Ventra, was a curious creature that the Mother watched in bemused silence as she struggled through her trials and tribulations. It was interesting, the ways in which she defined her loyalties. Furthermore, it was a treat to watch as her path drifted closer and closer to the temple in which her family had worshiped. 

The girl mad Talzin recollect sadly upon another one of her sisters. Asajj Ventress lived a strikingly parallel life with her last living relative. Sister Ventra had, much like her grandmother, grown up knowing only pain and betrayal. They had both lived torturous lives and seen too much violence to shake the bitterness that coursed through their veins. 

But still Mother Talzin sensed something… good. Of all the terrible things that Ventress had done in her ill led lifestyle, she was still burdened by some time of conscience buried deep beneath her. Talzin saw a similar tendency in the young Ventra, history had repeated itself terribly well. There was no denying that the girl actions so far had been driven by fear and hurt. But buried deep and undiscovered by even Snoke, there it was; a streak of hope. A hope for belonging, like so many other lonely souls in the crumbling galaxy under Hux’s rule. 

The Mother of the Nightsisters didn’t believe in the well-defined lines of good and evil like the Jedi did so many years ago. Their rigidity had caused them so much distrust and hypocrisy. She had watched Anakin Skywalker’s downfall as their mistrust and lack of flexibility left him bereft of the things that he was so passionate about. The Jedi remained inactive for the sake of peace-keeping, but in turn ignored the nature of their very instincts. She had watched the trials and tribulations of Ahsoka Tano as well, mostly because Talzin had a tiny premonition that there was a possibility that her path would entwine with one of her beloved Sisters. She was pleasantly surprised when the young Jedi-in-training was forced to side with Asajj Ventress, effectively confusing the Jedi Council as well as the members of the Senate. 

Mother Talzin didn’t often concern herself with the happenings within the Jedi, but she sometimes saw hints of a future that would harm the future of her religion. But she watched in horror as the death of Asajj was taken completely out of her hands. Especially because Talzin’s clairvoyance was clouded and confusing among the abundance of factors that she couldn’t change. She could have appeared to Ventress and warned her, but there was such a chance that she would accidently lead her astray that she could only remain as a sorrowful bystander. 

This is why she had kept such a close eye on the last remaining blood of the Nightsisters. Ventra’s path so far had been strangely clear, there were not many things that would tempt her away from it. She was very determined, and luckily she held grudges very well. Her hatred of Snoke had led her to an acute curiosity about her lineage. The First Orders insistence on wide expanses of knowledge gave her access to plenty of it. This knowledge led her back to the temple, in which she prayed for strength, strength that Talzin fully intended to give her, she would need a certain skill set to fulfill her destiny of keeping the religion alive. 

Oddly enough, the fate of the Nightsister’s rested in the small, calloused hands of a woman from Jakku. There was only one single thing that she could give this young woman to help her along.

“Sister.” Talzin projected across the veil.

Ventra jerked upwards, searching the room fervently for something that wasn’t there, “Mother?”

“You are where you should be.” Talzin said simply, trying to be as vague as possible. 

“I need your guidance…”

Talzin interrupted, “You don’t need anything but a small gift that I can grant you.”

Ventra’s eyes widened, “A gift…” She murmured.

Talzin reached out with her mind, tapping into the other woman’s energy easily, but expending great effort to pass on a skill that had previously been unique to the Mother herself. 

“Dreamwalking. Use it wisely. I don’t have long, but I’ll grant you a small bit of knowledge: the young scavenger will be of great use to you. Trust your feelings, child.” And with that Talzin pulled back completely through the veil. The task of connecting to the physical world was taxing even to a woman of her power, not to mention it was unnatural and dangerous. The Mother tried to let things happen organically as much as she could, only interfering when she felt it was absolutely necessary. But from now on she would let things lie, choosing to remain a hopeful bystander as things played out across the veil.

 

They had been traveling at lightspeed for entire DAYS. Poe had really committed to propelling them into the middle of absolute nowhere. And for the first time in a long time, the motely crew of people aboard and uncomfortably lavish ship felt… bored. There wasn’t much they could prepare for anymore, Hux’s behavior was erratic and often unexpected. He had, surprisingly, become quite extravagant. It was painfully obvious that he was drunk with power and attention, which was odd considering the shadowy killer that he had always appeared to be. Now he hosted elaborate parties and festivals in his honor. This was… unsettling. Not because it was surprising, but because the chatter had focused on the high-class gatherings instead of the military activities of the First Order. The small group had a strong reason to believe that Hux was purposefully drawing in the important people of the galaxy to distract from his ulterior tactics. 

Before, the Resistance was ready for battle and bloodshed, but the political warfare had come from left field. Snoke had dominated by fear. But Hux opted for both fear AND manipulation. He chose to use the rich and powerful to build his new empire, this would be his fastest way to the top. Now they were scrambling to come up with a new plan, one that would help them gin purchase on the ongoing war. For now, all they could do was wait and listen, still to fearful of the aftermath of Rey and Ben’s escape to retreat back to the new Resistance base. Not to mention the situation regarding Ben’s brand new support of their cause was still being discussed at length. It was still possible that the pair would have to be on their own, simply working with the Resistance by distant conversation and encrypted messages. 

Regardless, Rey was confident in their chances. She would miss her friends if she was forced to go into hiding again but now that they were all on the same page she assumed that her and Ben could help from the shadows. In fact, she often reveled in the thought of them swooping in and out of battles and thwarting the First Order at every turn. She was sure that this would infuriate Hux even further, especially if he couldn’t find them afterwards. Ben’s comradery would be an immense help to the cause, even Finn, Poe, and Rose could see this despite their distrust of Ren. Rey felt a hint of hope, and an even bigger hint of mischievousness. She fully intended to raise absolute hell in every way she possibly could. It came naturally to her. She wasn’t often given credit for her cunning, or her wit. 

Ben, on the other hand was anxious. He wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t welcome here. The Resistance was forced to work with him, but he never had any delusions that they would ever invest the slightest bit of trust in him. And they were right to distrust them, in all honesty he would probably betray them all if he deemed it necessary. His loyalty was to Rey only, and her safety depended on him trying to play nice with others, even if it meant he had to begin sharing her attention with everyone else. This was challenging, considering he was innately jealous and protective to a fault. It didn’t take long for him to deduce that she was not a huge fan of his overbearing possessiveness. It was one night in particular that this problem came to a head.

“I’m just saying…”

“No! I know what you’re ‘just saying’ and it’s ridiculous!” Rey said combatively.

“I’m JUST SAYING you’ve only known them as long as you’ve known me.” Ben tried to continue calmly, stressing to convince her of a point that didn’t quite align with his true motives. 

“They haven’t tried to KILL ME. Or KIDNAP me.”

“It was COMPLICATED!” Ben retorted hotly.

“You know I can take whatever I want.” She mocked his words from the time when he first met her, putting her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes at him.

“REY, that was AGES AGO.” He gasped in response. 

Rey’s eyes narrowed impossibly tight, “OH, I didn’t realize there was an expiration date on ABDUCTION!”

“What does that have to do with ANYTHING?”

“Because you’re trying to convince me that I can’t trust my friends because you can’t admit that you’re JEALOUS.” She said, tossing her hands in the air.

“I’m not jealous! I really don’t care.” He lied haughtily. 

“OH you don’t care, do you?” Rey snorted and Ben braced for the punishment that would follow the line he just crossed, “Is that how you felt when you abandoned me and I immediately became a prisoner of war?”

“Oh, now that’s a low-blow.” Ben growled. 

“You’re being prideful.” She crossed her arms angrily. 

“I’m being LOGICAL.” He stressed. 

“It’s not ‘logical’ if you’re too proud to be honest about your feelings, Ben!”

“I don’t care, Rey! You can do whatever you want, it’s not like we have anything ‘official’ or anything….” He blurted, and then immediately wished he hadn’t said a damn thing. He even fought back the urge to slap his hand over his own mouth to prevent any more words from spilling out.

Rey’s jaw dropped and she snapped it shut with a snap. She tilted her chin up and her face became determined and fierce, “Well if you want ‘official’ then I’ll give you official. We’re OFFICIALLY done.” She snapped.

Now it was Ben’s turn to look shocked, “Excuse me… What?”

“You and me? Done.” She said proudly.

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, “We are LITERALLY bonded to each other for life…”

“I don’t care.” She mimicked his voice once again, “You heard what I said.”

Ben was in silent shock for a moment, “We are in the middle of the war, you almost died four days ago, and you’re breaking up with me? Are we twelve?!” He blurted in complete awe. The nerve of this woman… 

Rey was completely set in her decision. OF COURSE they were bonded, but she was determined to remind him that the bond didn’t mean she would put up with any of this nonsense “Yes.” She said with a curt nod, “Effective immediately. You’re sleeping ELSEWHERE, tonight.”

Ben gaped at her, “You can’t be serious, Rey.”

“I’m as serious as a poisonous needle.” She hissed.

“REY. UNECESSARY.”

“GO.” She exclaimed, shoving a pillow and a blanket into his chest and shooing him out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

She let out an agitated huff and held on to her anger, refusing to let herself feel bereft of companionship in the bed that they shared. She was angry. He was an ass. She was angry. He deserved it. She was angry.

She repeated her personal mantra until she eventually fell into a fitful sleep. 

 

“Rey of Jakku.” A feminine voice hissed behind her.

Rey whipped around, “And who the hell are you?”

The tall, pale woman held the hilt of her saber at Rey’s chest challengingly, “I’m Ventra Ren. I’m coming for you and your companion!” She boomed.

Rey rolled her eyes dramatically, “Oh, good! Another Knight of Ren.” She huffed.

Ventra looked stunned for a moment before recovering her warning, “I seek revenge and you’ll suffer at my hands!”

Rey remained unfazed, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in line.” She muttered, looking around distractedly at her surroundings. Everything was rather bleak. They appeared to be standing in the center of a large dome.

Ventra bristled at the scavenger’s indifference, “Heed my warning, Rey of Jakku.” She replied coldly.

“Heed my foot up your ass, Air Vent Ren.”

“VENTRA REN!” She corrected agitatedly, becoming more and more flustered by the lack of response. This was not going how she had foreseen it AT ALL.

Rey groaned and then leveled an irritated look in the fuming woman’s direction, “I’m having a BAD night and I’ve had too many people try to kill me this week so just… go bother someone else.” Rey deadpanned, feeling inconvenienced rather than scared. If she reacted dramatically to every death threat, she would have had a heart attack by now.

The woman sputtered, “You can’t just… Listen to me! I’m threatening you!” Ventra stressed, trying very hard to regain her failing composure. 

“Oh for the love of… Can you go? Go bother ‘Ben Solo’.” Rey waved her hands in an unenthusiastic manner. Maybe the woman would get a much bigger rise out of her former master.

Ventra cocked her head to the side curiously; “You call him by his birth name?”

“I call him A LOT of names.” Rey grumbled, taking a seat on the ground.

Ventra struggled to understand exactly what was going on, and why this woman was so… strange. “You’re angry?” She asked, despite herself. 

“ASTUTE observation.” She responded rather sarcastically.

“There’s no need to be rude.” Ventra said defensively.

“You’re the one doling out death threats.” Rey snorted.

“Yes, well… Well you aren’t cooperating!” Ventra replied childishly.

“YOU are spying on my dreams! You might as well be watching me sleep…”

Ventra gasped in offense, “I would never do something so vulgar…”

“You’re suspiciously flustered for a Knight of Ren. All the one’s I’ve met are ASSHOLES.”

“I am an… asshole.” Ventra tried to redeem herself and return the subject to Rey’s demise. 

“Look… if you want to kill me then you should go bounce some ideas off of your… peers.”

Ventra looked aghast, “I DO NOT associate with those… those… assholes.” She sniffed.

“THEN LEAVE ME ALONE. I’M. TIRED!” Rey shouted grumpily. 

Ventra was quite, silently trying to wrap her head around how her meticulously planned warning had gone so terribly, terribly awry. “I don’t like you.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Join the club.” 

Embarrassed and baffled by her utter failure, Ventra let out an upset huff before jerking herself out of the stubborn scavenger’s dream.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this took a long time to write for a couple reasons.   
> 1) I moved back to college and it's been busy.  
> 2) I was having a hard time making the events in this chapter make sense. I was trying not to make it seem like lazy writing.  
> 3) IT'S. LONG.
> 
> Once again I'm sorry about any typos, I hope they're relatively easy toread through.
> 
> ***Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer***

It didn’t take Ben Solo long to deduce not only that Rey was right, but that he was, and probably always would be, an absolute idiot. Sure, he was jealous. Of course he was. But Rey also couldn’t see where he was coming from. Ben assumed that she somehow forgot that while she had entire army that adored her, she was all Ben had in the entire galaxy. It’s easy to get overly attached when both sides of the war hate you and there’s only one person who isn’t trying to kill you (most of the time). But still, maybe he should have been honest about it but admitting how much he needs her made him feel weak and vulnerable. He had never needed anybody, not really. After years of being betrayed and abandoned, he had learn to operate as his own unit and he had become quite good at being self-sufficient. He even worked rather separately from the First Order itself. But now? Now he was alone except for one woman who somehow saw some good in him. How could she even look at him after all the things he had done and said? Sometimes he couldn’t even look at himself.

Regardless, Rey was right. She called his bullshit immediately and did not waste her time with his bullshit. He wasn’t sure why he had mentioned that they had never really ‘defined’ their relationship. Maybe because it was something that irksomely caused a deep insecurity well up inside him. It was ridiculous, they hadn’t even had time to discuss it, not to mention they had only become actual lovers about a month ago, did that suffice as enough time to be more than that? Maybe she didn’t think so, but he certainly did. In his opinion there wasn’t much time to waste, he already fully intended to follow her around for the rest of his miserable life, even if she wanted nothing to do with him. Either that or he would pull back into the barren reaches of the galaxy and become a nihilist hermit like his cowardly uncle. He wasn’t sure why their relationship limbo made him so uncomfortable, but part of it was because he wasn’t quite sure what to call her. Rey, my… lover? That felt to suggestive and he would rather not insinuate what happened behind closed doors in the wee hours of the night. For a second, he wondered how much the other passengers knew about the nature of their relations. It was possible that the others assumed they were far less serious then they actually were, hoping that Rey would eventually come to her senses and kick him out, which she had apparently did seeing at he had slept in one of the plush chairs in the cockpit. If they were more official Ben assumed that there would be a lot less confusion directed towards them, he could feel it in the air when they interacted with each other in company, entwining their hands subtly and having obvious but silent conversation in their minds. To a person on the outside it probably seemed really strange when one of them reacted to something that had definitely not been shared out loud. It wasn’t their main form of communication but it was useful in the flow of ideas and communication, they had a heightened understanding of each other and practically shared the same mind. Interestingly enough, the physical aspect of their relationship had sharpened the efficiency of the Force bond. Ben felt his face heat up at just the thought.

Although now it looked like he would be sleeping alone and he couldn’t help but wonder how much he actually hurt her with his antics. She seems merely annoyed, and he also had a strong feeling that she didn’t actually think he didn’t care. She was immediately aware that he was lying. But as she tried to coax him out of it he grew defensive, gripping onto his pride like a life raft. He already knew he was proud to a fault, but he felt like it was often his only line od defense nowadays seeing as he was so quick to do whatever she asked, not exactly out of weakness, but out of hopeless devotion. Here he was on a ship with all of his least favorite people and he was tolerating them. Not to mention that he was much more forgiving towards his mother, he assumed this was the Rey part of him prompting him to ‘let the past die’. Which was painfully ironic seeing as that was HIS line. 

Unfortunately for Ben, the OTHER couple was a pair of early risers. Technically, Ben was as well, but Rey was not so he would lay awake in the morning hours and enjoy the peaceful circumstances, Kylo Ren of the First Order had, by some stroke of ridiculous luck, ended up curled around a beautiful woman on a Resistance ship in the middle of nowhere. He was baffled by his new reality but he wasn’t complaining. 

Ben heard the door creak open down the hall and he groaned inwardly, this wouldn’t be good. Finn was hand in hand with the pilot as they trailed into the room sleepily. Both men stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the hulking man hunched rigidly in a rather small black leather chair.

Fin spoke up first, not bothering to hide the suspicion in his voice, “What… what are you doing?”

“Sleeping.” Ben said curtly, become embarrassed of the pillow and blanket on the floor that indicated he had spent the entire night out here.

“In the cockpit?” Finn added.

“I got kicked out.” Ben said begrudgingly, bracing for their reaction.

Poe’s mouth dropped open before he bit his fist to hide a big grin, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, she isn’t quite fond of me right now.” 

With this Poe Dameron burst into a fit of laughter as Finn tried valiantly to quiet him so as not to wake up everyone else, “Former Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, did you get dumped?!” He wheezed putting his hands on his knees.

Ben scowled, “She’s… stubborn.”

“You’re a mass murderer, I feel like her stubbornness is a less… extreme flaw.” Finn pointed out, trying not to laugh himself.

Ben rolled his eyes dramatically and sighed, “Are you done?”

Poe snorted loudly, “No, literally never. I’m telling Leia.”

“Don’t tell Leia.” Ben hissed.

“I’m telling Rose.”

“I’ll toss you out the air lock.” Ben warned.

“Oooh scary, coming from the guy who’s moping because his girlfriend put him out on his ass.”

“I’m not moping.”

“You’re definitely moping.” Finn stated, nodding in agreement at his partner. 

“What happened this time?” A feminine voice sounded from the entryway and Ben groaned miserably and covered his face at Rose Tico’s unfortunate timing. 

“Ren got dumped.” Poe and Finn said simultaneously. 

Rose’s eyes widened and she looked in Ben’s direction, “You got DUMPED?” She said in surprise.

Ben threw his hand up and gave them all an exasperated look at all three of them, “I didn’t get dumped!”

“Yes he did.” Rey said grumpily as she stalked into the room. 

Ben sighed as the three burst out in another fit of giggles and Rey leveled a withering glare at her sorrowful bond mate, “Go take a shower.” She growled.

Ben raised an eyebrow and unfolded himself from the chair. As he passed her he gave her an astonishingly quick peck to her forehead and dodged her hands as they swatted at him, earning even more shrieks of laughter. But this time Ben actually almost joined them because he could feel Rey battling down a small bubble of affection despite herself.

Unfortunately for all of them, Leia had heard every word and after she heard her son open and close his bedroom door she strode out and stood in the doorway. Rey’s friends were still wiping tears from their eyes when Leia cleared her throat, “Who’s bullying my kid?” She asked, feigning irritation and hiding a tiny smirk. He probably deserved it.

“Rey.” All three answered at once.

The young woman threw her hands up and gave them a wide-eyed look of exasperation, “Guys!” She whined.

“You three are trouble.” She stated, pointing an accusatory finger at them before turning to Rey, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” 

Rey cast one last withering look at her friends before following Leia into her quarters and sitting on what she assumed was Rose’s bed. Leia perched across from her on her own bed, “Trouble in paradise?” She asked.

Rey grimaced, “That’s one way to put it.”

“I feel like I should tell you now that I raised Ben in a very… particular manner.” Leia started.

Rey cocked her head at the odd topic of conversation, “How so?”

“I just feel like you should know that he’s very… traditional.”

Rey was still confused and Leia sighed, realizing how stressful these next words would be.

“I raised him to believe that there is a certain order to relationships, I taught him that when he fund the right woman that there would be an appropriate series of steps to take.”

Rey narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Like what?”

“Well, for monogamous Alderaan there was a courting period, and then an official declaration of partnership, and a proposal, and eventually a… marriage.”

Rey flushed and raised her eyebrow, “Mar… marriage??”

Leia sighed, “Oh don’t pretend like it isn’t a reality, I assume that you both are in this for the long haul, it’s nearly impossible not to be.”

“Isn’t this a little bit… fast?”

“Typically… yes this is absolutely too fast. But we’re fighting a galactic war, do you really have time to waste if you already know how you feel. I’m not blind, Rey.”

“I’m not trying to HIDE it I’m just not sure…” She trailed off.

“You’re not sure how people will react? You think people will judge you?”

Rey looked at her hands, “I suppose.”  
“Looking at this from a General’s point of view, you’re stronger together and the closer you are the fiercer you get. I married a smuggler and a criminal, but I married for love and that’s worth the judgment.”

Rey genuinely reflected on this, she had never thought about Han and Leia’s relationship that way. Leia continued on, “I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my son is in his thirties, as odd as it may sound given the circumstances, he is probably quite ready to settle down.”

It DID sound odd. They were in such a strange and unorthodox situation that it seemed like such a domesticated lifestyle should have been out of the question. But in a way it made sense. She had never really considered that their relationship had needed any reaffirmation; she had just assumed that they would obviously stick together; it really wasn’t something she had to put a lot of thought into. In fact, she wasn’t at all intimidated by the commitment of it, that wasn’t the source of her apprehension. She worried that they would never gain acceptance as partners, much less spouses. Rey was scared they would be shunned, she was worried she would lose her friend. But she didn’t want to lose Ben due to her fear, they weren’t ashamed of their feelings for one another, they had moved past that long ago. On a side note, Rey couldn’t help but feel a certain appeal when it came to traditional weddings. She had heard many stories of romance such as this from the old woman at Niima outpost. As a little girl she had dreamed of a whirlwind romance where she married a handsome prince and had her own child that she would never, ever let out of her sight. When she became so entwined in the complications of war, she had completely given up on that notion and came to terms with the fact that the only lifetime commitment she would ever have was to the Force and the war. Now she was still coming to terms with the immense ways in which her life had changed since she met Kylo Ren so long ago, and eventually was introduced to Ben Solo shortly afterwards. 

Leia could see the thoughts brewing in Rey’s mind through the far away look in her eyes and she reached over to pat her hand, “Don’t forget, in times like these there is no happy occasion that is unwelcome. Let go of what you think you’re life SHOULD be. The war came to your doorstep, but there are still choices that are your own.” 

 

Ben was brooding more than usual, but somehow still in rather high spirits for a temporary bachelor. Part of him was aware that Rey was trying to teach him and important lesson, and it was working as far as he could tell. How could they be a team if he would only pick and choose what she could and could not know? Honesty was the only thing that could both save their relationships and their lives. Besides, if she already knew the darkest and most evil acts he had committed, what was the harm of admitting he was jealous? It was possible that his feeling were so petty that he was ashamed he ever felt them at all, how ridiculous was it that he was afraid of what she would think of him? He had literally been Snoke’s vengeful lapdog and she still seemed to like him all right.

Ben got out of the shower and got dressed, even taking the time to make the bed that he sincerely hoped he would be sleeping in again. With a brand new air of confidence he strode back into the cockpit where he spotted Rey leaning against the wall with a stormy expression. Her eyes narrowed as he walked directly towards her and he threw a casual arm around her shoulders. Surprisingly, she didn’t shove him off; she only crossed her arms and stared straight ahead.

“I hate you.” She huffed.

“I’m sure.” He murmured, kissing the top of her head and shrugging her closer. Rey twisted her lips and bit her cheek in an effort to keep her face neutral. 

Everyone’s eyes flew to the pilot’s seat, where Poe was quietly listening to the radio chatter. He slowly sat the headset down and rose from his seat to face the small crowd that was eyeing him intently. To their dismay, he looked horrified and an uneasy buzz filled the air. 

“There are First Order officers and affiliates on their way to Corellia…”

“For a raid? That seems ambitious.” Rose commented.

“No, no raid. An auction… of Force sensitives.”

Rey’s heart stalled in her chest and she reached up to grip Ben’s wrist for support. “They’re SELLING Force sensitives?” She breathed. Ben had become deathly still behind her and Leia slowly sunk into the nearest seat. They were all quiet for a moment, trying to soak in the new information. Hux was putting into play a galaxy wide slave trade. It seemed that nobody even dared to breath. 

The bond opened up and Ben and Rey silently shared a rush of emotions, the rush of information almost overwhelming. Suddenly, the beginnings of an idea started filtering into her head from Ben’s end.

Rey was staring ahead as if in a trance with her eyes glazed over, “That won’t work.” She murmured aloud, distracted and oblivious to the three pairs of eyes that whipped towards them.

Ben held a similar expression but his eyebrows furrowed, “I disagree.”

“Hello!” Finn waved his hand impatiently, “Would you mind sharing?”

Rey blinked and cast a thoughtful look at her friend, “Ben thinks we can start an army.” 

Rose was the first to catch on, “A Force sensitive army!” She whispered in awe.

Ben met her eyes, “Hux is using the Force sensitives as an example AND for prophet. He’s getting greedy.”  
“You’re saying we should BUY them!?” Poe exclaimed.

Leia spoke up finally, “I think it’s a good start. We can free them, and shelter them in the Resistance.”

“That INSANE.” Poe argued. 

“No, wait… I think Ben has a point.” Finn spoke up and Ben’s head snapped around at the foreign sound of the ex-trooper using his real name. Finn didn’t even seem to realize that he had done it and he soldiered on, “Rey gave us an edge on the battlefield… what if we had more of that upper-hand?”

“Okay but why hasn’t Hux done that? He’s already using the Knights of Ren isn’t he?” Poe asked.

“The Knights don’t answer to Hux unless they choose to. He doesn’t have control over them, he didn’t even have control over Damien. If I were to guess I would assume the Knights went… home. The First Order has very little to give them now, they only stayed for Snoke’s training. As far as I know, most of them only wished to hone their skills. Only a few had personal vendettas.” Ben answered quietly.

Rey thought for a moment about Ventra Ren and her strange and awkward threats. Was it possible that the Knights of Ren really did head off in their own directions? Some of them would definitely cause problems but would they cause problems right now?

“I think it’s a good idea.” Rose said strongly, tightly clenching her jaw. She remembered her own days as a slave and the fire within her veins burned. She felt an obligation to the people that the First Order was selling like livestock. 

Leia felt a small bubble of pride at the growing comradery within the group but this young plan still had a multitude of problems, “Even so, the Resistance funds are scant enough as it is. How could we afford this?”

Rey could almost feel the smirk on Ben’s lips as her stood up a little taller, “I have several accounts, all encrypted heavily. I’ve been stealing from the First Order since I was a teenager.” His smirk only became deeper as everyone stared at him with wide eyes. 

Poe sputtered before he could spit out words, “Who ARE you?” He practically yelled.

Rey quickly took note of Leia’s wide eyes before she looked up at him, “Why did you do that?”

“I wanted a back-up plan in case I needed to leave.” He said simply.

“And you never got caught?” Rose asked.

“No, of course not. I siphoned small amounts over many years and I opened several anonymous accounts so it couldn’t be traced back to me.” He shrugged.

“Ben. Solo. Where on earth did you learn to commit fraud?” Leia asked. The mother inside of her was appalled by her son’s revelation. He leveled a steady gaze at her and realized that she knew EXACTLY who taught him such things.

“This means who have to sneak someone into the auction on Corellia.” Ben continued. 

“Leia is too recognizable. So are you, Finn, and I. We can make Rey as unrecognizable as possible…” Poe began.

“No. Absolutely not.” Ben cut him off abruptly. 

Just as Rey opened her mouth to argue, Rose spoke up from the back, “I’ll do it.”

Leia looked at her curiously, “That’s not a bad idea, your face has changed, your hair has changed. If we dolled you up to the nines you would slip right through. You could bet at the beginning before things heat up and get the hell out of there.”

Rose looked unafraid but curious, “How will we get access to cosmetics and clothing like that on Corellia. We can’t go into town.”

“I have a friend.” Poe piped up, “She’s extravagant, rich, and she lives slightly outside of town.”

“That’s convenient.” Finn said, rolling his eyes. 

“Well let’s just say the stars have aligned.” Poe said, wiggling his eyebrows at his partner.

“Okay so… We are going to Corellia to attend an auction where we will buy another Force sensitive. When is the auction and how long will it take us to get there.”

Poe rubbed his chin, “Well the auction is in eight days and it will take us… eight days to get to Corellia.”

“WHAT! Poe where the hell are we? How are we that far out?” Finn shouted, exasperated. 

“Well we were already far from the inner rim and I just put in coordinates past the Red Nebulae because I THOUGHT we wanted to get away from the FIRST ORDER, FINN.” Poe said defensively.  
“We did but… how will we make it now?”

“The day cycle on Corellia is longer than the time we’ve been using. We will most likely land the night before.” Ben said flatly, and Rey couldn’t help but look up at him with pride on her face. So smart, and handsome, and strong… She slipped an arm around his waist and he looked down at her with a small grin. 

“Okay… okay perfect! We need to leave now. Like right now.” Poe hurried to the seat and practically jerked the ship into lightspeed while the others stood around awkwardly. 

Rey looked up at Ben, “I need to go shower…”

He nodded and began to trail after her towards their room.

They had barely made it to the threshold of the entryway before Leia spoke up from behind them, “Ben.” She called out and the pair stopped dead in their tracks, “Go on ahead Rey, I need to talk to my son.”

Rey gave him a small smile before reluctantly leaving him beind, abandoning Ben with not only his mother, but with the rest of her friends as well. 

Once Rey was in her room and Ben had settled in the chair seat across from her she started rather hesitantly, “I think it’s time to throw tradition out the window.” She stated simply, earning a confused and suspicious stare from her son.

“Pertaining to… what, exactly?”

“If you two spend one more second downplaying your feelings I’m tossing you both out at the next planet.”

The crew stopped what they were doing and listened in as Ben flushed and retorted in a flustered manner, “I’m not… that’s ridiculous.”

“In any other situation I would tell you to take it slow but I feel as if, under the current circumstances, you’re just wasting precious time. You’re already spending your lives with one another, why don’t you make it a little more… official.” Leia got a mischievous twinkle in her eye and the color drained from his face as he began to realize the nature of this conversation and why Rey couldn’t be part of it. “Didn’t you spend enough years running away from each other?”

Finn cleared his throat, “I’m sorry to interrupt but… what are you suggesting?”

Leia didn’t seem to mind that everyone was watching intently as she reached in her jacket pocket and gathered whatever was inside. She lightly gripped her son’s hand and placed two cold objects in his palm. Rose, who was hovering over his shoulder gasped when she saw the two glittering wedding bands resting in his palm. Ben looked like he was about to faint, Finn and Poe looked shocked solid, and Rose was surprised to find that she wasn’t surprised to see the rings. At a certain point it had stopped being about good and evil, she herself had learned that fighting the natural flow of things would only cause damage and Ben and Rey seemed to be woven side by side within the natural way of things. Additionally, woman to woman she knew that this was something Leia had hoped for as a mother; it was a treasured event, which she assumed she would never have, which was probably the reason she was pushing the topic so soon. She had gotten her son back from the jaws of Snoke’s manipulation and now he had gone and fallen in love with someone that Leia already loved so dearly. There was something endearing about their romance, Rose felt it was somewhat magical: enemies to friends and friends to lovers. She redeemed him and he steadied her; they were the dark and the light as equals. Only an idiot would assume that Ben and Rey would ever be able to walk a different path. She didn’t know much about the Force, but she did believe in destiny. And obviously they had been destined to meet so many years ago; the Force had willed it so.

When Rose snapped out of her reverie Ben still looked as if he was about to fall straight out of his chair, “It’s not a big deal, Ben. You’re overthinking it.” Leia reasoned.

He snorted, “I STRONGLY disagree, mother.” 

“The Force bond is much more commitment than matrimony.” She said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Any help? Would ANYONE like to name a few reasons why I would be a terrible husband?”

For once they didn’t have any insults ready about Ben’s past, or his attitude, or his personality. They all stayed uncharacteristically silent.

Finn scratched the back of his head, “I don’t know, man. You’re pretty fucked up but I kind of agree with the General on this one. Besides it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to explain that than the bond thing.”

Ben’s jaw dropped, “You have to be joking. None of you?”

“I mean… if it were up to me you would be flying out the back end of this ship.” Poe chipped in.

Ben rolled his eyes, “Thank you.”

“BUT, I can’t believe I’m saying this, you might as well just pop the question, you’ll hang around like a leech either way.” Poe stated, grumbling the last part under his breath.

“You think she wants that? To be married to ME? I’m a TERRIBLE person.” Ben stressed.

“Are you scared Supreme Leader Kylo Ren?” Rose said, crossing her arms. 

“I’m not scared!” 

“He’s scared.” Leia mouthed to Rose. 

“I’M NOT SCARED. I’m just wondering if it’s a little… reckless. That’s all.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Oh fuuuuck you. You were much more reckless when you kidnapped and tortured her and you’re intimidated by ENGAGEMENT?” Finn snorted. 

“I meant rushed. Don’t you think it’s premature?”

“Yes, I’m sure sharing the same mind for three and a half years is far too little time to get to know each other.” Leia muttered.

“Maybe it is!”

“It won’t change anything but the jewelry you wear!” Rose exclaimed in a frustrated tone, “You act like we don’t know what happens at night when you two close the door.” Rose kept her face even but Ben almost choked.

He flushed deep red, “We… It’s not like that.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to marry that beautiful girl that is way too good for you?” Poe prodded. 

“No! Of course I do I’m just… I already told you I don’t want her to feel pressured.”

“It’s WAR. We all feel pressured. At least you’ll have someone to die with when shit hits the fan.” Finn grumbled.

“He’s right… do you really want to carry that regret?” Rose asked in a softer voice.

“What are you going to say when someone’s like ‘Ahhhh! It’s Kylo Ren! Who’s that lady yelling at him?’” Finn asked, one part sincerely and two parts mockingly. 

“Rey is my…” Kylo thought for a moment, trying to find a decent word to explain the complicated situation.

“Lover?” Finn asked.

“Too suggestive.” Ben said wrinkling his nose.

“Friend?” 

“I’m a soulless monster but I’m no liar.”

“Partner?”

“I feel as thought that can be misinterpreted.”

“… Girlfriend?”

Ben cringed, “Too juvenile.”

Fin sighed dramatically, “OH if only there were a solution to this problem! Don’t you wish there was a solution to this problem, General?” 

Leia sighed loudly, “Yes! I guess you’re just doomed kiddo.”

Poe glared at Ben, “Are you guys seriously doing the whole ‘we don’t want to put labels on our relationship’ thing? I only did that to girls when I was trying not to be gay.” Finn snorted loudly at this and patted his partner’s back. 

“I’m not saying NEVER. I already said I don’t want her to feel pressured. She didn’t choose this.”

“Neither did you, Rey just got the short end of the stick.” Rose said earnestly, to which Ben just rolled his eyes.

“It’s just really annoying that you’re going to start a lifelong commitment of being friends with benefits.” She added.

“It’s. Not. Like. That.”

“So you love her?”

“OF COURSE I do.”

“Ah, you DO have a heart! I see no problem here.”

Ben sighed and looked down at the rings. One was a simple thick band of gold, the other was thin and intricate, created from the same gold but adorned with tiny glittering crystals. Despite his nerves and his fear he felt the breath catch in his throat when he felt what the crystals were made of, “Is this Kyber?” He questioned.

Leia nodded, “Anakin Skywalker gave that to Padme Amidala when they married in secret. You have no idea how much trouble and dumb luck it took to get ahold of those damned rings.”

He could imagine the delicate gold wrapped gracefully around Rey’s dainty finger and the thought made his heart ache. “Okay.” He said, making up his mind and pushing up from the table.

“Okay? Okay like you’re going to? Or okay like you’re done with this conversation?” Poe belted out to his retreating back behind him but he ignored the pilot; there was a beautiful woman waiting for him in the suite that they shared.

 

 

Rey spent an unusual amount of time in the shower, gently trying to massage the tension out of her neck and shoulders. The near-scalding water dissolved the stress in her body and rose up in rolling plumes of steam that swirled around her lazily. She sighed, leaning forward to rest her forehead against the dark tiled walls. 

She had woken up early this morning feeling irritated and put off by her encounter with Ventra within her unconscious mind. The more she thought about it, the stranger the conversation became. As ridiculous as it sounded, she almost felt guilty when she remembered the cruel indifference in which she regarded the young woman, which was ridiculous seeing as Ventra had threatened her life as well as Ben’s. Yet Rey didn’t once ACTUALLY feel threatened, in fact, a very small part of her felt sorry for her. There was something in Ventra’s eyes that hinted at an acute sense of hurt and anger, it reminded Rey of the way that Ben used to act like an abused animal. She pondered for a moment how worried she should actually be, was it foolish to put Ventra’s vengeance on the back burner to worry about at another time. As sad as it sounded, Rey didn’t have the mental capacity to think about another death threat from the Knights of Ren. 

Was it terrible that Rey was preoccupied with her love life rather than the numerous threats to her life? Her mind had shamefully whirled around her fight with Ben and her nerve-wracking conversation with his mother. Rey would have never used the word “traditional” to describe Ben. The thought of marriage seemed so domestic for a warzone, but on the other hand the importance rested in its sentiment. Leia was right, as usual, but Rey was wholeheartedly surprised to hear her use the word ‘traditional’ to describe Ben. It seemed to Rey that he was anything but traditional. This was not the first time that Rey had wondered WHY there was no ‘Mrs. Ren’ if you will, it seemed like something that would have been bound to happen considering he was such a fearsome and powerful man. There had to be some type of women attracted to the Kylo Ren persona. But yet he had been sincere when he told her he had never had another, sexually at least.  
Rey knew that the place in which her mind wondered was dangerous territory but she couldn’t help but wonder what his life would have been like if Snoke had never found him. Han and Leia would have never have had to send him to Luke. Where would he be now? Fighting against the First Order with his mother? Or maybe he would be running around the galaxy with Han and Chewie. By his thirties he might have had a wife and a family, seeing as Leia said he was ‘traditional’. And what did that description mean for her, a woman he had only been involved with for a few months? She assumed that the former Supreme Leader of the First Order wasn’t afraid of commitment, but she had never pinned him as the ‘settling down’ type. Considering the circumstances she presumed he had much bigger things to think about, and truthfully she should too. 

She still couldn’t shake the childlike glee when she thought about her own marriage and her own family; a chance to be the parents that her parents never were. She wanted a chance to do it right, which seemed far away and slightly out of reach with the First Order looming over them like a giant shadow. It seemed silly to her that she looked upon such things like a little girl instead of a grown woman, but it was impossible not to given her background and her trying childhood. For the first time ever she doubted Leia’s knowledge of her son, he had changed an astonishing amount anyhow. 

She sighed and turned off the water. Maybe she had let him off too easy, she had meant to teach him a lesson but now she just felt silly and petty. But in all honesty it truly wasn’t a fight that was worth spending time apart considering that they could be separated at any moment. But still, it was the lack of honesty and communication that really bothered her. Their minds were bonded but somehow she still never knew exactly what he was thinking, he was relatively closed off with his emotions and it bothered her. She shouldn’t expect him to talk like someone he wasn’t, but it certainly wouldn’t kill him to let her in a little. Was he just going to keep her at a safe distance for the rest of their lives? That would be infuriating, not to mention disheartening. She didn’t need dramatic romance, but she did need… a little more. She wondered for a moment what Leia needed to talk to him about but she chose not to ask, conversations regarding his family were touchy subjects. 

Rey shook her hair out and dried her body before slipping into the most comfortable outfit she owned. On the other side of the door was a tall, dark, and handsome man, filling up the space in the room and fully prepared to unintentionally stop her heart with one exceptionally dark and brooding look. She slid open the door and he turned to face her slowly, with a seductive smirk gracing his full lips.

“Rey.” He purred.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE 4 U, a lot of shit going on
> 
> ***lovely by Billie Eilish***

Maybe it was the lingering sentiment of the conversation he had just finished, or maybe it was the sight of her standing there with her thin nightclothes clinging to her lithe body, but nevertheless Ben was consumed by a burning desire that seemed to char him from the inside out. Her bright calculating eyes paired with the regal way in which she held her chin up nearly knocked him down to his knees, bowing before her like a beggar. He was struck time and time again by the strength in which his own lust filled his lungs like water; within moments he would surely drown. He let his cautious rigidity dissolve into a seductive prowl. He was sure that never in his life had he wanted something as bad as he wanted her right now, and he hoped she could see it within the dark depths of his eyes as he stepped towards her.

In the most primal corners of his brain he knew that his intentions were clear, and he could almost feel her heart beating in his own chest. It had been too long since he had taken her in the way that he so desperately wanted to, they were ever so cautious about crossing boundaries, as if making love too many times would take them into uncharted waters in which they would never return. But Ben suffered silently in their bouts of abstinence and tried to find any possible distraction from the curve of her body against his. And the dreams… the dreams punished and plagued him almost every single night. Time and time again he imagined the ivory tones of her skin against the darkness of the sheets as he buried himself inside of her and lost himself in the sound of her screaming his name. He woke up every morning nearly gasping for breath and struggling to conceal an erection that she was bound to feel if she were to wake up at that moment.

Now it was as if a dam had broken and he shook off his own apprehension, letting himself stalk her like prey across the dimly lit tiles of their room. She didn’t look afraid, contrarily her eyes darkened to betray a deep seeded longing that echoed his own and reverberated against the taught line of the bond. Who were they to deny themselves any longer? When her back hit the wall, the milliseconds before their bodies collided slowed to a crawl and filled with an unspoken understanding.

Ben wasn’t even sure if he was in control of his body anymore, he had coaxed her lips open urgently and hooked one of her slim legs around his waist.

“I’m sorry I’m a huge asshole.” He murmured between fervent kisses to the soft slope of her neck. 

“I’m sorry I made you sleep in the cockpit.” She panted, slipping her fingers between the space where their bodies met and fumbling to find the hem of his loose black tunic. He gasped for air and pulled back only long enough to work both of their shirts off before taking advantage of the newly bared skin and ravishing her collarbones. It was infuriating how impractical clothing became when you needed to remove it in a rush. They fumbled and cursed until every shred of fabric was discarded on the floor around them. Ben groaned at the skin on skin contact; there was nothing but skin and tongue and teeth with wondering fingers and whispered expletives. He placed a strong hand on the side of her neck and coaxed her chin up with his thumb with his fingertips burying themselves into her soft auburn curls. When they kissed once more it was hotly desperate as if they were touching for the last time. Ben ran his left hand down her body, palming her breast and grazing his knuckles over the softly carved skin of her stomach until finally he nudged her legs apart slightly to allow room for two coaxing fingers. Rey ripped her lips from his and the back of her head hit the wall. Her breath hitched with the feel of his fingers stroking the slick skin between her thighs, slowly picking up their pace before he slid two fingers inside of her and she gasped. He once again pulled her leg upwards and held it against his hipbone, urgently moving his fingers in and out. Ben’s breath was labored and urgent as her legs began to tremor and the white-hot simmer of an orgasm blossomed at the bottom of her stomach. Just as she was beginning to see stars, he removed his hand and gripped her hip. 

She would have whimpered pleadingly if he hadn’t immediately hoisted her up so her legs wound around his waist and her head was positioned slightly above his. Ben looped his elbows underneath her knees and Rey could feel the throbbing thickness of his shaft directly below her. She took this as her queue and reached down to direct him into her. It was a mutual bliss as he rolled his hips up under her and worked his way deeper and deeper. Ben hissed out a slew of curses as Rey slipped down slightly to allow him a better angle. In the beginning they moved together in blissful synchronization. He thrusted in tandem to the heaves of her body and their locked lips swallowed each others’ groans and pants.

Within minutes the room grew so hot that Ben wouldn’t have been surprised ifhad turned and seen red hot flame licking across the walls and lapping at the ceiling. They fucked in a furnace, two slick bodies becoming increasingly more urgent and tightly wound. Before long they lost all rhythm and crashed into each other, filling the room with an orchestra of low and primal sounds. They had both far surpassed the period of moans and curses. Rey had tilted her face up towards the ceiling with her mouth agape and Ben buried his forehead into the crook of her neck, struggling enormously to continue breathing as he pounded into her slick wet heat again and again, each time becoming faster and more reckless. She would grip harder onto his hair or claw the skin of his back and it was then that he would break the silence with the occasional ‘Gods’ or ‘Fuck’.

Rey got hotter and hotter, almost too hot, and she felt once again that she was coming dizzyingly close to falling over the edge. It was as if she was flying too close to the sun. She had become faint with the feeling of his breath on her neck and his rough, calloused hands stroking the underside of her thighs. The nerves on her body were simply alight and her vision blurred before her like was peering through a looking glass and stars and spots danced along the edges. She climaxed hard, as if she had been frozen in motion, and she cried out. Her hand flew back and smacked the wall behind her while she threw her head back again. In just a few more coaxing thrusts Ben followed her and he hissed and he came with a rigid shudder. Nobody moved for a long time but Ben still held all of her weight steadily as she somewhat slumped against the wall. Their chests moved together and an odd quiet sort of peace settled around them despite the lustful cacophony that had just filled the room only moments before. It was just the two, breathing heavily chest-to-chest. Together, as they should be.

 

Rey rested contentedly on Ben’s chest, still coming down from the warm buzz that followed round two. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but she certainly knew how they had spent it. Their clothes were still on the floor across the room and they now rested in the large bed with the black silk sheets haphazardly covering their lower bodies. Ben was rubbing small circles on Rey’s back and staring up at the ceiling. He was trying not to let her in on the anxious thoughts that were swirling in his mind. A marriage proposal. He never quite prepared himself for it because he never assumed he would have to propose to a woman. But now he was panicking because if he didn’t do it soon he would just sit on it until the ‘perfect time’ and something told him that there would be no ‘perfect time’. But there could be better times, right? Better times when they weren’t naked and sweaty in a sex-induced haze. Now that he thought about it, was there any time where she wouldn’t misjudge his intentions? Maybe she would misjudge them anyways. Ben Solo had done many things for many terrible reasons, but he knew that this was pure. He knew that this act was only out of love. 

In all honesty, Rey’s friends weren’t really the ones that put the prospect of marriage into his head. He had thought of it long ago in a burning ship but it seemed silly now. It even seemed silly when he was imagining it while they lay in a plush bed on Naboo. Back then it seemed insane, he thought that maybe his thoughts were borderline obsessive. But he didn’t want to marry her to keep her in captivity, he just wanted her. It wasn’t too complex and there was no ulterior motive. He just genuinely enjoyed the thought of officiating his lifetime commitment to the woman who had saved him in every way. He had not been raised to keep a lady waiting. His mother had been very clear about the order in which one should pursue a spouse. Maybe it was this that made Ben struggle with the thought of proposing to Rey, he hadn’t given her any time to sort out what SHE wanted. Instead he had skipped steps and made terrible mistakes, not to mention their first impression was what some would call ‘less than ideal’. In another world he would have courted her and taken his time with the matter. He felt an innate sense of guilt, thinking that maybe he could have been much more patient and forthcoming when acting upon his feelings. But of course when he hadn’t been denying them he had been lusting after her and professing his undying love. He was too hot and cold and maybe she was STILL confused about how he felt. How clear had he ever been really? How many things had he neglected to tell her? Upon thinking about it he realized that he might actually be the least romantic man alive, despite the fact that he had such a flair for the dramatic. He should at least be able to woo the only woman who could ever love such a terrible man.

Why did he struggle so much to tell her these things that he was thinking and feeling? It wasn’t just the jealousy he was dishonest about; it was also the small beautiful things about her that she that he consistently failed to mention. He could never tell her when exactly it was that he fell in love with her because something inside him knew that he always did. He just loved her in such a twisted and broken way that it threatened the darkness. And a threat to his darkness had been a threat to his legacy. 

Even after he had relieved himself of Snoke’s toxic influence, he still made excuses for the way he felt. He chased her to the edges of the galaxy, and convinced himself that it was for vengeance and she was nothing but a deviant. When he spent late nights flipping through blurry footage of her fighting in various battles he told himself he was simply assessing the ways in which he could defeat her. But really he longed for the connection to reignite and her consciousness to rush back into his mind. He became addicted to not only her, but to the light that bled into him from her. It had taken so long and so much for him to face the fact that he was still capable of love because of the fact that it would most likely be unrequited. But it wasn’t. And he was too lucky for words to explain. And still he couldn’t tell her that he was captivated by the way the two moons of Jakku had cast a heavenly glow on her tanned skin, and he couldn’t confess to her that she had been the last thing on his mind when he knelt at the executioners block. 

She rested her chin on her arms, which she had folded atop his chest. He looked down to meet her gaze, gently brushing a stubborn strand of hair back behind her ear. 

“I have something for you, Rey.” He murmured. 

She rolled off of him, regretfully covering herself with the silk sheets. “Do you?” She said, raising her eyebrow.

He widened his eyes, “No I’m serious. I really do have something for you.”

It was something that Ben had almost forgotten about in the whirlwind of events that followed Rey’s rescue from the First Order. Initially, he was ashamed that it had slipped his mind, but he had recently been unsure of how to return it to her in an appropriate manner. He gave her one quick look before leaning over and cautiously opening the small bedside drawer in which he had stashed it. Rey’s eyes widened as she recognized the object that dangled by Ben’s fingers.

“Oh, Ben...” She breathed, carefully reaching out to touch the kyber necklace with her fingertips. “How…” 

He gave her a bashful look, “I… on Endor. I swore I’d give it to you when I saw you again.”

Her eyes softened, “I never thought I’d see it again. Thank you.” She said sincerely, and leaned over to gently kiss his cheek. “Did you go there to die, Ben?”

He shrugged, “Of course I did. What choice did I have?”

“You… Living. You could have just lived.”

Ben widened his eyes, “Your friends said the same thing. Why would I want to exist without you?”

She frowned and placed a hand on his cheek, “You’ve changed.”

“I would certainly hope so.”

“That’s not what I mean. I mean you’re… so different it’s startling. It makes me wonder how much of it had been Snoke and how much of it had been you.”

He cupped her chin, “I’ve made my decisions, Rey. I can’t run from them. I think you might have to come to terms with the fact that I’ll be serving a life sentence no matter what.”

Rey looked startled, “No, we’ll run if we have to.”

“I wont make you do that. I asked you do that once before, and now I know how wrong I was.”

“It’s MY decision.” She looked down sadly, “The Resistance is the side I chose but they’re still scared of me, I’ll never fit in like Finn or Poe or Rose.”

He brushed his knuckles down her cheek, “Alone together.” He whispered distractedly. 

“Forever.”

His eyes darted up to hers with an unreadable expression in his eyes, “Is that really what you want?”

She let out a short laugh, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Have you… Have you met me?” He stuttered. 

Rey laughed out loud this time, “Yeah, I’d say so.” She said, gesturing to their current position naked in the same bed. 

Ben could have asked her to marry him right then and there; she looked so perfect hovering slightly over him with her green eyes twinkling in the dim lighting. They had been there for hours and hours, there was no way that the other passengers didn’t know what they were up to, and for some reason Ben didn’t even care. A thought occurred to him then, when he did eventually propose, Leia Organa would become her new mother-in-law. Something panged deeply in Ben’s heart: Han had loved Rey. He would have been approving. Ben felt such a crushing feeling of guilt that it took his breath away. Rey placed her hand back on his cheek.

“He would have forgiven you even if you can’t forgive yourself.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t, Ben.”

He lied back down, “It’s true.”

“Don’t do that to yourself.”

“I’m serious, Rey.” 

“So am I. You can’t get rid of me now.”

He sat back up abruptly and gripped her chin, “I don’t want to. Never. I’ll follow you to the edges of the galaxy.”

With that, their lips met once more, and with his hands buried in her hair, Ben pulled her back on top of him.

 

He could see it in his minds eye, a perfect world rid of all the undeserving. Hux had never felt such a longing for luxury. Beforehand he had simply desired power, he had only wished for the destruction of his enemies. But now… now he lusted after all that glittered and a lavish lifestyle built atop the bones of the Empire and the Resistance, with the remaining delinquents catering to the rich. Many thought the power had gone to his head, but Hux thought himself a god. Although there was still one failure, and a blaring one indeed. Kylo Ren and the scavenger had ONCE AGAIN slipped through his fingers. He had nearly torn his hair out when Damien Ren’s shuttle never returned. He figured that somehow the scavenger had escaped, but he could hardly guess how.

Nonetheless, he would hunt them in secrecy. The public knew nothing of their escape. Hux feared they would lose faith in him in lieu of another failure. It was now a well kept secret, and he assumed the problem would eventually solve itself. He was sure that sooner or later the Resistance would kill Ren, and his pet would most likely return to hiding. She could only hide for so long before the First Order once again arrived at her doorstep. His chance for a glorious execution was long gone, and this nearly drove him mad. Until then he nurtured his effort to eradicate the Force sensitive population. Their enslavement was probably the most ingenious plan he had ever produced. Sure, they could torture and kill them all they wanted, but wasn’t the threat of enslavement an even more effective way to beat them down. Those who were sold would be humiliated, and those who weren’t would live in fear of him. He was all-powerful, and it was long past due. He deserved his place on the throne.

He deserved the praise and ass kissing, he relished in it actually, which was something he had never expected. But there was a certain appeal to all the attention and lavish parties. There were people to cater to his every need and he had realized very recently how beneficial it would be for him to insert himself into this crowd. Suddenly he had double the arms dealers at half the price, while he sat and drank expensive wines. He had incredible funding from individuals who wished to stay on his good side, which was a good idea. The galaxy was beginning to see what happened to those who displeased him.

It was addicting, the regality of his position and the creation of his vision. It was coming along rather nicely despite the nuisance that was Ren and the scavenger. It was unfortunate that they had gotten away, the thought still made him nearly grind his teeth to dust. His taste had changed, but his patience was still paper-thin. He deserved this, after all. He deserved all the things Kylo Ren got for free and then some. Ren had his dirty sand rat, but at this point Hux could have any woman and anything he wanted. But hopefully he killed both of them before they could… procreate. He shuddered at the thought. Not only was it disgusting, but he didn’t need another Solo to kill. Maybe that’s what he needed to do, even calling him Kylo Ren was a nod to the powerful title he once held and now he was stripped of that. He was worthless; Ben Solo the filthy smuggler’s son and Rey the filthy scavenger. They would be dead in a shallow grave soon enough, Gods knows they would be chilled to the bone when they found out their ‘people’ were being sold like animals. Maybe this would clarify just how meaningless the two of them were. ‘The Chosen One’ was nothing but a coward.

 

Rey sat in the middle of another large dome, peaceful within her dreams despite the fact that she could feel Ventra once again lurking on the outskirts of her mind. She ignored the slinking woman and focused her attention on the walls. She was sitting with her legs crossed staring up at what looked like hundreds of planes of glass, but each had an image and they were all of Ben Solo. All of them moved like cinematic snippets of her memory, zeroing in on the things she found important, but there was no sound. Rey sat in complete silence and gazed up at all of her favorite things. 

Ventra came closer, stepping up so that if Rey turned around, she would be able to see her. But Ventra hadn’t come for death threats, surprisingly. She was feeling… odd. She invaded the scavenger’s dreams out of curiosity this time, wondering why Mother had led her here. Ventra was confused, but her interest was piqued.

The first thing she noticed had been the pictures on the ceiling of her old master in a brand new light. She had never really seen him without a mask, and she didn’t imagine he would look this way. He was so… human. The reflections seemed to be parts and pieces of the memories that the scavenger held dear.

“You… care for him?” She asked curiously.

Rey was so enraptured by the sight that she didn’t even bother to turn around, “You know him as this.” The images suddenly changed to portray a muc darker scene. He was masked and pointing towards her with his venomous saber, and he was prying into her brain with a determined look on his face. Then he was screaming in the snow as they battled, sapphire blue and crimson red on a white canvas. “But I know him as this.” The images returned and Ventra paid closer attention this time. They reached for each other in a shabby hut, and then she treated his wounds on a frozen planet. They trained together in the sand and walked along an empty beach. There were personal memories too, quiet conversations in bed, and stolen kisses, even petty quarrels and heartfelt apologies.

“Why do you show me this, scavenger?” She asked.

Rey turned to face her this time, looking much calmer than she did last time they spoke, “If you’re going to kill us then you might as well know us.”

“It’s necessary...”

“Is it? Or are you putting the blame on the first person you can think of?”

“Why would you think that?” Ventra asked incredulously.

Rey rolled her eyes, “I LIVE with ‘Kylo Ren’. I know what misplacement looks like.”

The mention of both Kylo Ren made Ventra feel suddenly very tired. She sat across from Rey in a comically casual sort of way. They couldn’t kill each other here, so there was no point in wasting her energy. “Snoke discarded me. Kylo Ren was given everything I deserved.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed, “You really don’t know how it actually went, do you?”

Ventra only narrowed her eyes back.

Rey started again, “What? Did you think Snoke threw him lavish parties and treated him like a prince? What do you think happened in that throne room?”

“He was the Chosen One.” Ventra said with a mocking scowl.

“The ‘Chosen One’ was viciously tortured. He wont even let me see it but I’ve taken small looks. Snoke purposefully directed Ben on to every path that would shatter his soul; he convinced him that it was all necessary to the cause. He was a broken man when I met him.”

“I was going to kill Snoke myself. Kylo Ren stole my revenge.”

“Oh BOO HOO Ventra. You think you’re the only one Snoke wronged? He wronged an entire galaxy; you aren’t the only one who wanted revenge. Ben just wanted to be set free.”

“He was weak.”

“You’re sitting in a stranger’s mind talking about things you know nothing about. If anything you should be goddamned grateful that you weren’t the ‘Chosen One’.”

“The First Order took everything from me.”

“Are you… Are you stupid?” Rey asked.

Ventra blinked, “Of course I’m not.”

“Then you must live under a rock because were fighting the First Order, together. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time on us when we’re on the same side.”

“I thought you were in hiding.”

“We ARE. We can’t kill the beast if we’re dead.”

“You are a strange pair.”

Ventra felt confused, and misdirected. She had lost her bitterness, it dissipated astonishingly fast as she realized that in her anger she had failed to identify whom the real enemy was. Of course she knew the First Order was her enemy, but why had she wasted so much time aiming her weapons towards Kylo Ren. How had she become such a child? Maybe this is what Mother was trying to teach her. But what if she was wrong? What purpose did she have with no direction and even more questions than answers? Now she not only felt vengeful, but she felt lost and now that she had enemies on both ends she hardly had a place in this world at all.

“Why did you leave the Knights of Ren?”

“When Snoke found me I was nothing, and I wanted to prove myself. He never gave me the chance and all I became was Kylo Ren’s little soldier.” She spat, “Snoke never spared me a second glance, all he said was that he sensed a strength in me and I would be useful to the Knights. I was the only one who didn’t come from the Jedi Academy.”

“Wait, then where did you come from?”

“I used to live in the underworld of Coruscant. I had nobody and I was nothing, and I thought Snoke would make me worth something.” She looked down. “I was angry and vengeful but he spent so much time focusing on Kylo that he didn’t even notice. I had access to the archives and I found he had lied to me about my lineage.”

“Which is…”

“I’m a distant relative of a woman named Asajj Ventress.”

“I don’t recognize the name.”

Ventra sighed, “In the time of the Clone Wars she was an apprentice under a Sith by the name of Dooku. He betrayed her and she returned to her home. She was a part of the ancient religion of the Nightsisters before they were… eliminated.” Ventra breathed out the last word with grief in her voice.

“So that would make you…”

“The last descendent of the Nightsisters, yes. When Snoke died I resented Kylo, but when Hux took power the Knights became weak pitiful lackeys to a selfish cause. I left to the temple of the Nightsisters.”

“So I still don’t understand what the hell that has to do with me and Ben.”

“You are the last standing reminders of my time serving Snoke. I have to kill the Knights.”

“Why do all of you have to let the past ‘die’. Can’t you just help us take down the First Order like an adult? Like that whole ‘an enemy of my enemy is my friend’ thing.”

“And word with a Knight of Ren? I don’t think so.”

“I killed Damien Ren.”

“Come again?”

“I killed Damien Ren.”

Ventra smirked, “Maybe I was wrong about you, Rey of Jakku. But I still hate Kylo Ren.”

Rey shrugged, “That’s fair.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Short Chapter but I promise it's better this way! This was tough to write, my friends. But enjoy!
> 
> ***Million Reasons by Lady Gaga***

It was muscle memory; the way he took a knee on the crystalline black floor was nearly a knee-jerk reaction. In a strange way it was a subtle gesture of self-preservation; the more obedient he became, the less pain he would suffer. So this is how his true lack of freedom presented itself, in the beaten-down bow of his head and the defeated sag of his spine that became more pronounced with every meeting. There was no more. There was no purpose. There was nothing left. He had nothing left to offer. He had been here before so many times, but this time he felt an unusual fear as if he was being dragged off the side of a cliff. The feeling was suffocating. He felt his throat constrict with untethered panic that stemmed from an unknown place.

He knew these walls from the hours he spent screaming at them, and he knew this dark, reflective floor from the many times he clawed at it in agony, gripping it with such desperate vigor that the tips of his fingers bled and his fingernails broke. It was a gory image that lessened in potency with continued exposure. He had bled here and he had broken here. He had begun to shy away from the dark side in this very room despite his own denial. But Snoke knew. Snoke always knew. He was an unavoidable tidal wave of a menace; there was not a corner in the galaxy in which Kylo Ren could run where his master would not find him. It was long, long ago when he realized he would never again feel any sort of kindness. His entire life would be this; a scared and betrayed child turned to a tortured soul with more control of others than he did himself. If Snoke didn’t take up half his mind, then maybe he would feel the crushing regret of becoming a part of this. What good had it done him?

He suffered to succeed, and then he had failed and suffered more. Monsters aren’t allowed regret because the scariest villain is the one who has convinced himself that his actions are necessary. With his partiality to denial, he might as well just consider himself an extension of Snoke by now. He was nothing. He was nobody. He was just an extremity to the dark side. Most accused him of being evil, but he lacked the individuality to even be that. Kylo Ren was the weapon that the First Order wielded with such terrifying proficiency. 

“Kylo Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren, evidently you aren’t as useless as I presumed. You seem to thrive in your own failure.” Snoke drawled in the way that he did so well, he had a way of making Kylo feel like an insect caught in amber. He didn’t register Snoke’s words; in fact he didn’t even care what he had said because it didn’t matter. He felt a strange sensation, as if the two halves of his brain were on parallel paths: similar but never touching. His mind and body were failing to work in tandem. He didn’t worry about it too much; both his body and mind had decided that sometime in solitude he would turn his own lightsaber on himself. It would be quick, which was more than he deserved and he knew that. It was sick, the way he fantasized about it. He dreamt of dying every night when he wasn’t dreaming about the things that made him WANT to die. Snoke could do or say what he wanted to, torture and punish him in any way he saw fit, but this night would end the same way regardless.

“Tell me how you found her?” Snoke breathed.

“She came to me, Master.” His voice echoed out against his will and Kylo was confused. Who? What was this about? He suddenly became aware that he had no memory of how he came to stand here and what Snoke was referring to. Even more startling, his mouth spoke as if he understood, as if he were just an onlooker inside his own mind. If he could have he would have ran. But instead he pushed off from his knee and stood in front of his Master.

Snoke glanced past Kylo’s head and beckoned with one long, discolored hand at something that was waiting in the dark doorway of the throne room. There was a clank followed by the sounds of a small scuffle, but Kylo didn’t turn around to search for the source. 

Two bulky Pretorian guards came into view, roughly dragging along a small woman clad in natural toned robes. Her hair was unraveling carelessly from three small buns along the back of her head, and her mouth was set in an defiant line as they jerked her upright to stand in front of Snoke. Her chest heaved with labored breathing but the hideous man simply gazed at her like she was an animal. Rey?

“Incredible. So full of… fire. I see the appeal, my young apprentice.”

“I feel nothing, Master.”

‘That isn’t true.’ He said inside of his head. He felt everything. He felt her heart pounding against the cage of her ribs and the rough grasp of the guards. With his fingers he could almost feel the soft heat of her skin and he could hear the breathy lilt of her accent. But the other part of him didn’t seem to acknowledge that.

“So it seems…” Snoke responded thoughtfully, “Come closer.”

Kylo stepped forward briskly, clearing the space in only a few purposeful strides before coming to a curt stop. As soon as he neared the guards dropped Rey to the floor and dismissed themselves, leaving her to shuffle around to face him, desperately trying to make him meet her eyes.

“It’s such a shame…. such a shame that she has caused so much trouble. Together you would have been unstoppable, no wonder why you wanted to keep her all to yourself.” 

He cringed inwardly. It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t about power.

For the first time Snoke seemed to pick up on his inner dialogue and he screeched out an awful laugh, “Don’t tell me you CARE for her? Pathetic child. You’re not allowed to LOVE.” He cackled again and reached his hand towards Rey. “Besides, my apprentice, she couldn’t return the sentiment. Look at what you are!” He bomed, the biting humor in his voice giving way to a quaking anger that made Kylo’s blood run cold. Snoke composed himself and sat back, looking at him in a venomously calculative manner.

“Kill her.” He hissed.

For the first time both parts of Kylo were in agreement, “Master…”

Snoke leaned forward in his chair, “Kill her!” He screamed impatiently, feeding every bit of cruelty into the two words.

Kylo’s body didn’t hesitate, but the blood roared in his ears as her turned to face her and finally met her eyes. They were wide and shocked, but surprisingly they weren’t pitiful or afraid. She was so brave, she wouldn’t grovel in the face of death. 

“Ben.” She said gulped, making subtle eye contact with the saber that was still attached to his belt. 

For a second nothing happened, and in his mind Kylo was waiting anxiously for the inevitable reach for his saber and crackle of the crimson plasma.

But his arm rose, and an invisible hand constricted around her neck and slowly dragged her up and off of the ground. ‘NO!’ He screamed internally, but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t lower his hand but he could feel her fingernails claw at her own neck in an effort to search for a release that would not come. She gasped but didn’t talk, she simply nailed him with a betrayed expression that broke him inside. It had been too long; her body was fighting less and less. Her legs only kicked out halfheartedly and he could see her eyes cloud wearily before eventually they drifted shut and she sagged. Just as he could feel her heart beating, he could also feel when it stopped. He dropped his hand and her body crumpled to the floor. Kylo’s vision swan and he felt the bile rise up his throat, as the scene dissolved away Snoke’s cackling echoed in the background and he was left with only dark walls and Rey’s lifeless body.

It was as if a tether had snapped and he regained complete control all at once.

“No.” He chocked, falling to his knees by her side and gripping her face with his hands. “Wake up! Open your eyes, Rey!” He roared, shrouding her with his body and smoothing his hands desperately across her forehead and cheeks. “No, no, NO!” He shouted again slamming his fist into the space above her head. But her eyes remained closed so lightly that you might have thought she was just resting. So beautiful and broken, and ruined because of him. He had done it. How could he have done it? With his very own hands…

He ripped off his glove and placed his hand gently on her cheek while he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” And he could still hear her voice, driving blow after blow into his heart.

Ben. Ben. Ben…

 

“Ben!” She hovered over him and shook him again. His eyes were squeezed shut and his breathing sounded strained. Rey gripped his shoulder tighter and gave him another shake, “Ben, wake up. Wake up, it’s just a dream.”

With that his eyes flew open and he jerked up slightly off the bed with his bare chest heaving and beaded in sweat. He whipped his eyes around frantically until they found hers, which were crinkled slightly at the edges underneath brows that were furrowed with worry. She was so beautiful in the dim, silver lighting; it shimmered across her skin and hung in her hair like ribbons made of moonlight. Ben refused to take his eyes off her, but he did let out a short calming breath and lied back down onto the bed. She swept her legs to the side and leaned over him. One of her hands methodically stroked back the hair that had fallen forward onto his damp and feverish forehead. She moved it to his cheek and ran her thumb over his cheekbone with an angelically concerned look in her eyes. He could do nothing but gaze at her for a moment. She was gorgeous, and here, and unharmed. He trapped her hand with his and let his eyes flutter shut while he sucked in a few more long breaths.

“Just a dream.” She murmured. 

He opened his eyes again, “You’re so beautiful.”

She laughed softly, “That hardly seems important right now.”

“It’s always important.” 

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, “I’m worried about you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Absolutely. It’s just a few bad dreams.” He tried to say reassuringly.

“Ben. You’ve woken up in a cold sweat for five nights in a row now.” She whispered pleadingly, “What’s bothering you?”

He draped an arm around her hip, “It’s nothing.”

“You know I don’t believe you, right?” 

He smirked, “Yes.”

Rey rolled her eyes and planted a gentle kiss to his plush lips before straightening with a sigh. He tried not to stare in such a tender moment but it was hard not to. As she moved to stand his eyes trailed down the deep neckline of her thin white nightgown and his heart pounded as he watched her walk across the room to the wide viewport. The sleek glass was lined with dull light panels, giving the illusion that she was bathed in moonlight against a backdrop of the stars. He had never seen something so glorious. He had never seen something that he deserved less. And the fact that she was here with him was almost too much to bear. Some nights he truly wasn’t sure how he was expected to fall asleep while she lay there next to him in such distracting allure. Even after the most horrifying of nightmares, what a wonderful thing to wake up to. He felt as if he was looking at her with brand new eyes. With the loss of her still plaguing him from the dream, he felt an exceptional need to treasure this moment in particular. 

Rey could feel his thoughts racing, but she didn’t know exactly what they were. Despite the bond they chose to hold on to their individuality and their privacy. It wasn’t completely necessary to know what the other was thinking every second of the day. But she could feel his emotions in a more general sense, and just as she had felt his fear a few moments ago, she now felt a strange sort of resolve rooted in affection. It wasn’t something she had ever felt from him before and she was curious as to what was on his mind. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t even heard him stand up until she felt his hands slide onto her hips from behind. She leaned back into his hard chest and breathed him in, simply existing with him in that moment.

They stood like that for a long time, experiencing a sense of peace that they weren’t often granted. Rey felt whole, she felt content. 

“Rey.” He murmured lowly. She could feel his heart racing in his chest and she turned to face him curiously.

“I’m not… I’m not a good man,” She opened her mouth to argue but he interrupted her, placing a hand under her chin, “But if you’ll have me, I’ll spend every second of my life trying to be a better one.” The sincerity in his voice was so pure and honest that it made her heart stutter in its chest, but the real emotion was struck when he let his hand fall from her chin and he knelt down before her with a beseeching look in his eyes. 

Ben could see the shock in her eyes and his heart pounded. It was too late for him to turn back in the fear that she would say no. He was committed to the act now and it was the most nerve-wracking thing he had done in his life. He had been far braver walking straight into battle or staring down the business end of a blaster. His stomach was in knots and his hands felt shaky as his fingers found the ring in the loose pockets of his trousers. A million scenarios rushed through his mind in the time it took to produce the ring, but it glinted in the dim light so magnificently that even he was taken aback by it anew. He looked back into her eyes, which were flitting between his face and the delicate gold band he was holding between them. He took a deep breath and gathered his resolve.

“Marry me.” He said with such a burning intensity in his eyes that the breath whooshed straight out of Rey’s chest. She didn’t have to think about it for a second. She knew what her answer was even before he asked. He was all she wanted, and she already knew that he was all she would ever want. The tenderness of the moment made a lump rise in her throat, here it was, a moment that she never thought she would get.

“Of course.” She breathed, her voice cracking a little in the middle. Her eyes grew blurry with tears.

She let out a raspy laugh at the way he released the stressed breath he had been holding in. He looked up at her and smiled before quickly standing to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her sweetly. They pulled away only to slip the ring on Rey’s finger in such a ritualistic way that it almost felt like they were getting married right then and there. 

Rey admired it in the light; the thin band contrasted nicely with her sun kissed skin and the small inset stones glinted in fragmented rainbows. It was quite possibly the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

She looked up at him, “Where did you get this?”

He shifted and flushed slightly, “The rings were my grandparent’s.”

“Where’s yours?” She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow.

Ben started and took the second ring out to slip it on his own finger. Rey held out her hand next to his and they admired their matching gold rings, feeling a strange sense of magnetism between their hands. The rings fit perfectly, they felt like they belonged there even for Rey who had never really worn jewelry. 

“I never thought I’d wear a wedding ring.” Rey whispered. 

Ben raised his eyebrows with a slightly bewildered expression on his face, “Neither did I.”

She glanced up at him, “Never?”

He snorted and shook his head, “No, of course not.”

She narrowed her eyes slightly and he kissed her forehead.

“When… how long have you been carrying those around?”

He frowned slightly, “Seven days or so?”

Rey gasped and covered her mouth, “Oh Gods, how are we going to tell everyone? How are we going to tell your mother?!” She whispered frantically. 

Ben looked thoughtful, “It’ll be fine, and they already knew I was going to ask so…”

Rey gaped at him for a second, “They already…the world’s gone mad.” 

Ben smiled for what felt like the hundredth time that night and grabbed her hips to pull her closer. She placed on ring-adorned hand on his chest and peered up at her fiancé. 

“What would you like to do now, Rey Solo?” He purred.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is your warning, this crazy train is about to do some off-roading.
> 
>  
> 
> ***Morning Breeze by Juke Ross***

Peace. Isolation. Two things that were rare commodities in the galaxy. Yet somehow the small village of Gohen achieved both. It was truly an incredible feat. That is… until the First Order combed Pantora for a second, more thorough, time. That was when the people were discovered, and that was when he was discovered.

Solan had never heard of any “First Order”. He knew no “Supreme Leader Hux” and he had no name for the abilities he had. All he knew was that one moment he was a simple farmer, and the next he was a wanted criminal and he was being loaded onto a ship. The last thing he saw was the fire that was burning down his home before he was plunged into darkness with only a few other beings. They were all scared, and hungry. Some were rebellious and angry and some were grief stricken and helpless.

Solan fell somewhere in the middle. He didn’t consider himself a violent man, but the prospect of such unwarranted violence made him feel anger that he had never once experienced in his life. He had fought back when they had apprehended him, mostly because he was confused as to why he was being captured. He had a younger brother, and now he feared the worst. This was the small and fearful part of him. The one who shied from any life apart from a peaceful one. This part of him feared the worst for his people, and a sick and broken feeling in his chest told him that he had just lost the only family he had ever known. He could feel the loss of his brother within his very bones, but he could also feel many others fade from the physical world onto the next one. He would never get closure, he would never know for sure what had happen and he would never see a single body. He would forever wonder what exactly had happened once he had been forced onto the ship and that was worse than starving here in the dark.

The village of Gohen had never bothered anyone. In fact, long ago they had cut themselves completely from the rest of the galaxy with the idea that the only path to peace stemmed from blissful ignorance. Although it sounded childish when put into words, his people had the right idea for the most part. They had never been sought out or challenged. They had never fought a war, and most of them hadn’t ever used a weapon outside of the hunting they did for food. They were once nomads but now they farmed in the grassy planes sheltered by the famously large mountains of Pantora. It was here that they raised their children and traded their goods and lived prosperously. Maybe their ignorance did become their downfall after all. If they had known of this “First Order” and their hunt for what they called “Force sensitives” then maybe they would have been able to hide. But they didn’t know and now the village was destroyed for reason aside for the fact that they had something the First Order wanted. 

Evidently, someone had betrayed his location, this had to be how the white-clad soldiers knew what power he possessed and where he was. But Solan felt no anger towards whoever outed him. He assumed that their hand was forced. But still, here he was. Imprisoned in the underbelly of a cold ship for the possession of powers that even he didn’t understand. 

The people with him were strange, and vastly different from each other. There was a human male with a scruffy beard and a scarred face. He cursed profoundly and ranted on about “that Hux bastard” and the war. He never spoke of where he was from; he only spat on the floor and shouted at the guards who stood sentry at the door. There was also an older Twi’lek woman, and she seemed to be at peace, which was odd in such a situation. Solan found solace in her company, choosing to draw from her comfort to quell his own fear. She didn’t talk much, but when she did she only spoke of fate and purpose, often saying how the path they were on was the path they were destined to take; the universe willed it so. And some part of Solan agreed. It was the natural way of life, in the end. Violence brought death and death eventually brought life, which brought peace. Despite his sheltered upbringing he knew the cycle of life. The animals fed the people, who nurtured the earth, which sprouted the plants that inevitably fed the animals. The trick was figuring out if you were the hunter or the crops. 

Nobody really spoke about what was happening because nobody knew. According to the bearded man, the First Order had begun hunting these “Force sensitives” only a short time ago. These “Force sensitives” tried to evade capture, but nobody knew exactly what they were wanted for and nobody made it back to say. Solan came to terms with the fact that his young life was coming to an end very soon. He had been alive for almost thirty sun cycles, but in comparison to the elders of his village he was but a child. In fact, he still considered himself a child; he had many things to learn about the world even if he was never granted knowledge about the outside universe. All he knew was that other planets existed, and other beings occupied them. He had only assumed that everyone strived for the same peace. But this First Order didn’t seem to mind the death and destruction by which they came. This Supreme Leader seemed like a terrible man, judging by the way that the other prisoners spoke about him. 

Solan felt like a lost child. He knew very, very little about what was going on. He knew far less than all of his fellow cellmates and it made him especially vulnerable. His only saving grace was that he spoke the common tongue; at least he could communicate with most everybody. But that was about it. It didn’t change the fact that he was still horribly confused.

Force sensitive? Is that what it was called? He was very young when he began to do things that could be considered… strange. He just had a very unique and intimate relationship with all things living, it seemed to be normal until he began to realize that he could do some things that others could not. For example, when he was very young he had walked out into the snow and frozen it all around him so he could look at it a little while longer. A few years later he had been tending to his crops during a particularly sparse season, and when he placed his fingers in the soil he saw the leaves turn green once again and the crops bore fruit that year. In a village of farmers, this was helpful. His produce was plentiful and the people ate well. His ‘green thumb’ of sorts was well known among the people, and this was probably how the invaders had found him so quickly.

The bowels of the ship were dank and musty. It was difficult to breathe and it was even more difficult to think straight, the cell walls seemed to bar the prisoners from any sort of hope. After many, many hours, Solan lost track of time. It must have been entire days that they had been sitting in there, starving and rotting. Some of the inmates began to lose their grip on sanity, chanting and rocking back and forth in the dark nooks of the cell and shouting nonsense at the walls. The guards were completely unresponsive. It was like they weren’t even people and for the first time Solan considered that they might not be. He had heard stories of droids and mechanical people among the living. He wondered if he would ever see one. He was in a whole new world now, after all.

Eventually the ship jerked abruptly and Solan whipped his head around the cell but nobody else seemed to be reacting. They all swayed for a moment but continued to gaze forward absently. Not long afterwards there was another jerk and a huge commotion outside before the doors swung open and the white-clad soldiers rushed back inside, roughly gripping his arms and shoving them all out the door and on to some sort of platform surrounded by only open air. Solan didn’t have another second to examine his new surroundings before a black bag was wrestled over his head and he was shoved forward once again while accompanied by an unusual amount of soldiers. What exactly did they need such security for? What did they expect an unarmed man to do?

It felt like he walked forever and the thick canvas hood made it impossible to place his feet correctly. As a result he tripped fairly frequently, which prompted a rough shove into the middle of his back from the steely butt of a weapon. He was pulled to a stop once again and the bag was jerked off his head roughly. Solan gasped for breath and shook his tangled black locks out of his eyes. They were all standing shoulder to shoulder in an astonishingly large hall. The walls were decorated in pastels and inlaid with golden intricacies that towered up towards a brilliantly painting ceiling that was easily larger than the very fields he once plowed. 

“Well Captain… I’m sure at least some of them are salvageable.” Said a tall, slender woman with flawless dark skin and a silky black mane that nearly fell to her waist. She was dressed in a tight dress the color of sea-glass and oozed ruthless professionalism as she slowly walked down the line. She examined each of them thoroughly, but Solan had no clue as to what she was looking for.

She reached him and took his chin between her thumb and her forefinger, “Hmph. Handsome. I’m sure the beautiful one’s will drum up quite a fortune with the… lonelier elites.”

Solan grimaced and jerked his chin away, which only made her smirk. “There are cells on the second story, one person to each. They females on the right and the males on the left. If they aren’t cleaned up before the auction then there WILL be hell to pay. Nobody wants a dirty toy.”

Toy? Solan recoiled from the word. He was starting to get a vague idea of what was happening here. Although he was ignorant to the outside world, he wasn’t stupid. He was about to be auctioned off like an animal. Now he understood why his people secluded themselves so; the universe had become such an evil place.

Now he was angry, angry beyond belief. It was a petty thought, but he couldn’t help but wonder what he had ever done to deserve this. It seemed as if he would spend his life as the property of another, and he would much rather die than be a slave. Cruel. Unnecessary. But worst of all, he saw no way of escaping. There were guards posted at every door and hallway as well as personal soldiers accompanying each prisoner. He was sure that their cells would be nearly impenetrable. Maybe he would have a chance to flee from his new ‘owner’. 

The slender woman folded her hands neatly behind her back and granted the small group one last once-over. She then nodded curtly at the officer immediately to her right before pivoting sharply and exiting the room with her posh heels clicking with every step. He hated her, which was a foreign feeling to him. Solan hadn’t hated anyone before in his life. 

Soon they were once again wrestled down more long, lovely hallways until they reached an open space lined with rows and rows of clouded glass doors. He assumed these would be their prison cells. Solan was shoved into the small cubicle and locked inside which induce a terrifying sense of claustrophobia. He had never been locked up in such a small place before. 

The solitude brought waves of grief. He was no longer able to ignore the fact that he had lost everything and he had no escape from his thoughts. After he had donned his simple white garb, he sat on the edge of his cot and buried his face in his hands. He had a brother, Gale was his name and he was the only family that Solan had left. His parents had both died of a plague that had once swept through the village and wreaked havoc on all of the peoples. That was the only thing they had to fight on Gohen: illness. But Gale had survived, and Solan was barely old enough to take care of himself much less an infant. But he had the help of the people, and the boys lived happily. Solan wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what had become of his brother, part of him wanted closure but the other part wished to remain in blissful ignorance. There was a time and place for grief, but grief was toxic in large doses. 

 

 

Rose had never, EVER felt the need to dress up. There were always things to be done that required much more practical clothing. Yet here she was being stuffed into cocktail dress after cocktail dress in the insultingly lavish bedroom of Poe’s strange acquaintance. She could come up with no possible scenario in which her rough and rowdy flyboy friend would cross paths with a woman like Keezba. She was… ditzy and incredibly rich. In fact, she seemed like the kind of woman that Rose would hate with a passion if she weren’t taking shelter under amongst her expensive paintings and her porcelain trinkets. Keezba twirled and twittered around Rose, holding up fabrics and gauzes and outfits for every occasion. Her bedroom was straight out of a young girls daydream, all pinks and golds with jeweled accent pieces and enough throw pillows to construct a whole other bed. She decorated her personal space with a whimsical hand, almost as if she wanted to wake up every morning with the belief that she was still dreaming. Rose could respect this at least; she also wished that she could rest in such a place. 

Rey was perched on the edge of the massive bed, perched among the billowing folds of a silky cream-colored duvet. She watched the small woman flit around with a strange expression on her face and Rose couldn’t quite articulate what it was. Obviously she was assessing Keezba: small in stature but large in personality. She was extravagant, unnecessarily so, and she waved and twirled with each step and gesture like a dancer on a stage. It would be endearing if they weren’t in the middle of a warzone with millions of credits worth of bounties on their heads. As a result, the small woman’s carefree attitude made her grit her teeth as she contemplated the numerous dangerous of her upcoming mission. She could die. They could all die. If she blew her cover she would not only get herself killed, but also her best friends the leader of the Resistance, and the last two Force sensitives who could help them finish this thing. The stakes were higher than the domed ceilings in this ridiculous mansion. 

Rose fought back the urge to sigh. Putting up with Keezba’s antics was a necessary evil. As silly as it seemed, she required a high-class eye to make sure she got through the door unnoticed. She held up another dress under Rose’s chin and gestured for her to hold it up.

“Oh.” She sighed, and clasped her hands together under her delicately pointed chin, “Oh, it’s perfect.” She glanced at Rey who was distractedly toying with the fabric of the sheets. “Isn’t it perfect?” She chimed.

Rey’s eyed whipped up, “Oh, it IS nice.” She said with her eyebrows raised.

“Well! Go try it on, darling.” Keezba whined, shooing Rose back behind the folding screen beside the full-length mirror. When she was hidden she gave the blue fabric in her hands a forlorn look before cautiously slipping into it. The dress went on much easier than she expected. 

Rose gulped and stepped back out into the view of both the women, feeling more self-conscious than she had in years. Oddly enough, it was much easier for her to disregard her personal appearance when she was covered in grease and dirt. Looks weren’t really a priority on the base. In fact, none of them had a haircut in a long while. Sometimes the men could get away with a choppy shave but her and Rey, in particular, were better off just making sure their hair was out of the way. It was just easier that way.

Over three years Rose Tico’s hair had not only grown out of it’s short upturned curls, but her face had grown narrower and more solemn. The loss of her sister and the horrors of war had robbed her of her youthful look, replacing her jubilant face with a much more solemn one. She had noticed the same transformation on her friends. Finn looked more mature, Poe’s hair was beginning to grey subtly, and Leia’s worry lines were practically carved in and her pensive frown seemed to be permanent. Rey had grown and changed and lost her innocent ignorance, but she had always appeared fierce. Her childhood hadn’t allowed much opportunity for her to be a kid. The years were even wearing down on the infamous Kylo Ren, who let himself look tired only when he thought nobody was watching. 

So it wasn’t hard to imagine how strange it was for Rose to be suddenly obligated to worry about her appearance. Apart from that, she had also never been worried about “attracting” anybody. There had been a short time when Rose had been certain that she was falling in love with Finn, which seemed silly looking back now. Part of it was the adrenaline, and another part was the inherent need to latch onto someone after losing Paige. One could say she was… untethered. But once her mind cleared she noticed two things: the way Finn looked at Poe, and the fact that Rose wanted someone to look at her like that. Although in all honesty, it wasn’t something she obsessed over. A relationship didn’t feel important to her right now; she didn’t plan to ever go searching for one. A partnership just didn’t feel important to her, she also figured that she wouldn’t have to be a flawless goddess to attract the right person. She hoped that he would like her the way she was, oil smudges and all. 

That was why it was startling when Rose saw herself in the mirror, wearing a dress that likely costs more than everything she owned combined. It was an ocean blue little number with a plunging neckline and a skintight bodice that flared out at her mid thigh. The fabric was silky smooth but somehow it still had structure as it fell in gentle curtains down to the floor. As if the neckline wasn’t dramatic enough, there was also a long slit up the side that revealed a disturbing amount of skin. It was a brave looking outfit, and Rose was shocked because she… loved it.

Keezba squeaked and stood beside the mirror, watching Rose stare at herself in cautious wonder. “It’s so BOLD! SEXY! You look like you were bottle fed champagne as a baby!” She gushed.

Rose smoothed her hands over the front of the dress and swayed to the side a little, “It’s… actually really nice.”

Rey was smirking at Rose from her position on the bed, “I’ve never seen you look so girly.” She snorted.

“Maybe I’ll do it more often then!” She huffed. 

“Well!” Keezba shouted, “We don’t have much time to waste. Sit down and let me fix you up.”

Rose grimaced; this was the part that she was least excited about. As she carefully picked over towards the gaudy vanity and let Keezba attack both her face and hair with various creams and brushed with numerous unnecessary flairs from her dainty hands.

She glanced at Rey over her shoulder, “If I would have known Kylo Ren would be under my roof this time last year, then I would have switched planets!” She said, lightening her words with a shrill giggle. 

Rey blushed and searched for a response, “I… that’s understandable.”

“Nooo need to explain yourself to me, darling.” She looked off into the distance distractedly with an uncharacteristically sad smile ghosting across her lips, “Some love is more forbidden than others…” The smile slipped off her face and she gazed out the window before rapidly regaining her cheerful façade, “Well! And the bad ones are just so damn exciting, aren’t they?” She added quickly.

Rey graced her with a soft laugh, “He’s something else that’s for sure.” She muttered.

“He’s your lover? Your boyfriend?”

“Oh, no he’s my fiancée.” She said flippantly, before realizing her mistake and slapping her hand across her mouth.

Rose whipped her head around, “Rey?!” 

“We haven’t had time to tell anyone!” Rey said pleadingly.

Rose pursed her lips and slowly turned back around to let Keezba continue on, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

Rey glared at Rose’s back, “Oh! Don’t play coy as if you didn’t know it was going to happen!”

She gave her friend a startled look out of the corner of her eye, “He TOLD you that?! Ren…” She muttered venomously. 

Keezba clapped giddily, “Ohhhh you’re getting MARRIED!” 

Rey fell back onto the bed and groaned. 

“Where’s the ring? Let’s see the ring.” 

Rey hauled her self up and pulled up a necklace that had been hidden under her tunic and slipped it over the head and gently detached the ring from the cord. Rose watched Rey’s face carefully as she slipped the ring onto her finger and paused to gaze at it for a second before walking closer and extending her slender hand for Keezba’s curious appraisal. 

The woman gingerly grasped Rey’s fingers and peered at the ring before pulling back with a small sigh, “Beautiful.”

Rey pulled her hand back but stayed nearby, taking a seat on a furry shag carpet a few feet away. 

Keezba seemed to be once again overtaken by the same odd sadness that had appeared not five minutes ago. “So young.”

Rey’s eyes widened with a twinge of hurt, mistaking the woman’s words for disapproval, “You think we’re too young?”

She snorted delicately, “Heavens no. I was 18 when I got engaged… You’re simply too young to suffer the things you do. This is an old war… older than many know. It has nothing to do with the First Order, it’s about greed and… prejudice.” She sighed and began to gently style Rose’s hair, “This war started ages ago, Gods hope that you are fighting the end of it.” She paused yet again and took a deep breath, “I was very young when I met my Garet. He was a Resistance fighter in the times of the Empire. He was a very brave and very stupid man,” She rolled her eyes, “But… I was hesitant to exchange vows. I figured there was a much better time for vows and dresses. Four months later the base was compromised by a rogue soldier… he was killed before we could marry.” She sniffed and blinked away tears before tuning towards Rey, “I always wished I could fix my mistake. I’m just hoping I can save another young woman from the same fate.”

A thick silence fell that left all three women thinking deeply. One thought about her lost love. One thought of her newfound love. And one thought about her love to come. 

“Oh look at me! A complete mess!” She laughed, wiping her tears and patting her own cheeks, “Anywho! You’re done you lovely, sexy, thing!” Keezba stood back as Rose retreated to view the final product. 

Her heart froze when she saw herself, or what she assumed was herself. The woman in the mirror looked regal and proud. The woman on the inside was nervous and frightened. But at least she looked the part. 

“It’s show time ladies.” Keezba sung, hooking her arm in Rose’s and gripping Rey’s elbow as she tugged them out of the room and down the granite staircase into the lavish entryway where the boys and Leia stood waiting anxiously. 

Poe whistled, “DAMN, Tico! You clean up nice.”

Rose gave him a withering glare, “Bite me, flyboy.”

“Hey, that’s not very nice coming from a high class lady such as yourself.” Poe sniffed.

“Poe! Behave yourself, you’re among ROYALTY.” Finn said in a mockingly exasperated tone before they both burst into a fit of childlike snickers. 

Rose looked appalled and shied from the attention before suddenly jerking Rey’s arm into the middle of their little circle, “Rey’s engaged!” She blurted, effectively deflecting the attention from herself and onto her poor friend who had frozen in complete horror. 

A hush fell over the group before everyone spoke up at once.

Finn said, “Good Gods, man. I didn’t think you had it in you!”

Poe said, “Oh GODS, another Solo.”

Leia said, “I need a drink.”

And Rose, Keezba, and Rey all nodded at that.

When the chatter eased into an anxious hum and they began to prepare for their respective parts of the mission, Rey retreated back to Ben’s chest and curled herself in against him, enveloping herself in his dark, safe, warmth. She thought for a second about Keezba’s story and fought to quell an upwelling of emotion in her chest. She was no stranger to the fear of losing him, but tonight it struck a fresh chord inside of her. For a moment all she wanted was to stand here with him and be still.

Ben took a deep, shaky breath and wound his arms around her, shading Rey completely from the rest of the room. With one hand he pulled a necklace from under his shirt and removed the ring, slipping it onto his finger as a wave of various emotions crashed over his head.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im SOFT. I'm also STRESSED.
> 
> ***Body by SYML*** (Towards the end of course)

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Rose took another calming breath, which felt constricting in the tight bodice. She walked timidly through the wide oak doors into the bright glow of the hall and her vision swam a bit. Memories of the shimmering city of Canto Night invaded her senses as did the way she felt about the city. She was unimpressed, nearly sickened, at the swarms of snooty elites crowding around tall tables and sipping champagne out of slender glasses. 

How could they mingle so flippantly as they consciously suppressed other living beings? How could they ready their dirty money to commit such despicable acts? For a moment Rose wondered how she could possibly blend into such a crowd. Thankfully, she had arrived “fashionably late” to the event so the auction would be starting rather soon and she wouldn’t have to stand around too long and hopefully she wouldn’t have to interact with anyone if she acted as snooty and unapproachable as possible.

She spotted a long table in the back adorned with various appetizers and finger foods and decided this would be a safer place to wait instead of standing in the center of infested waters. Beside her she heard a particularly loud conversation and she paused for a moment to listen in.

“… think he will make an appearance?”

The other woman scoffed, “Oh don’t be silly Diane, I’m sure the Supreme Leader is much to busy for such a… small event.” They came into Rose’s line of sight just in time for her to see the woman’s lips curl as she glanced around the room.

The other woman pouted, “Pity.” She sighed.

“He DID send one of those Knights to… supervise.” 

The woman leaned in, “They make me a tad uneasy, but I heard this one is quite the spectacle.”

Rose’s stomach clenched. A Knight of Ren? That was terrible news. Was it possible that he would be able to sense her intentions? Would he somehow be able to pick her out? 

“Speaking of beautiful men, I KNOW you’ll be looking to purchase one that’s quite easy on the eyes.”

She smirked, “The pretty ones always go for the highest price. Unfortunately, my father has given me a… limit.”  
Her friend looked appalled, “You’re on a budget? How much??” She gasped.

“28,000. I think I’ll be well off anyhow. You know how I get lonely.” She pouted a little before both women fell into a fit of giggles. 

Rose felt sick. It was too hot in this room and she was one hundred percent she needed some fresh air. She spun around for a glorious exit out of the ballroom… and promptly hit a hard surface, which turned out to be the wide chest of a black-clad man. 

“Whoa, what’s the rush?” Rose bowed her head and moved to hurry past him, fearfully praying that this wouldn’t call too much attention to herself.

“I’m… sorry.” She stuttered, shaking her head, still trying to shake off the conversation that had reduced her to such a panic. 

She bolted past him but he caught her arm and halted her in her tracks. At the feel of his gloved hand on her skin she grew fiercely combative, whipping around to face him and cast a withering glance at the man who so boldly dared to touch her. She expected to see a snide looking bachelor with a condescending gaze and too much pomade in his hair. Instead she met a pair of cobalt eyes set under a dark brow with wicked cheekbones and a strong jaw. His hair was dark with auburn and honey highlights and styled effortless. Rose could only come up with one word for the man whose hand was slowly loosening on her arm: INSUFFERBALE. As if to add insult to injury she took note of his garb all at once. Black boots, black tunic, black robe, black arm wraps, black gloves, and under his arm, a black helmet. 

Oh Gods. She thought, completely appalled by the coincidence that she would unintentionally careen straight into the only Knight of Ren that was attending this horrid event, literally in the arms of the enemy. She couldn’t believe this. She had managed to find the sickest monster in a room FULL of them. 

Just then there was a pleasant announcement that the auction was about to begin, suggesting that the guests take their seats in front of the large curtained podium towards the back. Rose cast a venomously accusatory glace at the Knight before jerking her arm away and strutting across the hall with more purpose than she had the entire night. 

She took a seat near the back, anxiously wringing her hand together as a posh looking auctioneer waltzed onto the stage like some sort of flashy circus conductor. He was dressed in the tackiest silver suit that she had ever seen with platinum colored handlebar mustache and a large grin of pearly whites that looked almost predatory. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” He began cheerfully, clasping his hands together and grinning at the crowd, “It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I hope you enjoyed the horderves, I made them myself.” He winked and the audience chuckled. Rose suppressed an eye roll

“Sooo without further adieu I’ll bring out the first of our pieces.”

The curtains swayed slightly before a slim nautolan woman was dragged onto the stage, fighting valiantly as two guards fastened the chains on her wrists to two metal rings on the stage. She jerked against them and let out a muffled sound of defiance through the gag on her mouth.

“My apologies for the… extra precautions. This one is rather loud.” This begged another peal of laughter from the audience, but a snarl from Rose.

The bidding started at 1,000 credits. And then a slender woman flung up her hand to raise it to 5,000. Another man doubled that. And the same woman raised his price by another 1,000 credits. When the bidding reached almost 20,000 credits, the man sat down in defeat and the woman smiled proudly as the announcer announced her victory. The guards came back on stage to drag away the slave once more and Rose saw red. She couldn’t bear one more minute of this: the next person who came onto the stage was the one she would bet for. 

The next slave crossed the stage with his head held high, barely flinching when his chains were jerked and tightened. There were murmurs in the audience.

“He looks like a strong one.”

“I’ve never seen a Pantoran before.”

“He’s blue! Incredible.”

“I’m sure he could be useful in the mines.”

Before the auctioneer could utter a single word a woman had already jumped out and shouted a starting bid of 10,000 credits, already very high. Rose recognized her as one of the woman she had overheard speaking earlier. 

Rose flicked her hand up, “12,000.” She responded.

The woman whipped around and glared venomously at Rose, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. Rose held her gaze and the rest of the audience stayed seated, sensing the tension between the two women. 

“14,000.”

Rose smirked. She already knew. She knew she would win this, mostly because her own limit was much, much higher than the blonde’s of 28,000, as it turns out Ben Solo was secretly flushed with cash. But if it meant ruining this womans night, Rose would play along.

“16,000” She jutted her chin up.

“20,000!” The woman shouted gleefully and the crowd began to clap as if she had already won. 

Rose stepped into the isle, “26,000.” She said over the clapping crowd.

The woman whipped her head around and cast such a glare that if looks could kill then Rose would have crumpled on the spot. She could practically feel the competitive anger rolling off the blonde woman in waves.

“28,000!”

Rose smirked, checkmate bitch. “30,000.” She spoke calmly, meeting the wide accusatory eyes of the man on the stage. The look he gave was damaging, but now was not the time to repent.

The other woman didn’t counter and Rose turned on her heel to the direction of the cashier on the other side of the room. She reached the small table and the woman looked up at her, “Congratulation, Madame. Leaving so soon?” 

Rose swallowed her displeasure, “Yes well, I’m not one for parties.” She tried to spit out sincerely. She handed the woman a ridiculous amount of credits that she had stashed in her clutch, each 1,000 in value. The woman barely blinked and delivered the credits into a small machine to her right. She nodded to the guard about 30 feet who shoved the shackled man towards Rose.

“Would you like me to escort you out ma’am?” He asked irritatingly pleasantly. 

Rose plastered on what she hoped was a gracious smile, “I greatly appreciate the offer, but I assure you I can handle him from here.”

The guard gave her a peculiar look but removed the chains, leaving the man in what she would assume were Force-suppressing handcuffs. Rose knew this was an unusual behavior here but she turned and walked anyways, assuming the man would feel rather pressured to follow her. 

She was nearly out the door when a deep voice spoke from behind her, “Not one for parties, huh?”

She turned slowly; extremely vexed and completely aware of who the voice belonged to. The Knight was still looking at her with a curious expression, but this time with humor in his eyes. Somehow this insulted her even more.

“Yes well, I certainly would rather take my leave.” She said quickly and he cocked his head and took another step towards her. 

“What exactly makes you think you can handle this one all by your lonesome?” He asked, nodding at the shackled man who looked as offended as Rose felt.

“That’s a rather rude question.” She grit out.

He smirked, “I’m not exactly known for my manners.”

Rose narrowed her eyes “Clearly.”

He let out a bark of laughter, “Well now that’s not very polite either is it? What’s your name?”

Rose scoffed, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She rolled her eyes and then returned to glaring at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Upon further consideration she would have done well to be polite to this particularly powerful man as well, but in the moment it was nearly impossible. She curtsied mockingly and gave him a withering parting glance. It was most definitely too much, but it satisfied her.

She clipped out of the hall and into the outdoors with the shackled man following closely behind her and burning a hole in her back with his eyes. 

She looked over her shoulder, “Don’t say a word until we’re far enough down the road that they can’t see us, we’ll cut into the forest once we’re out of sight. Also, stop glaring at me.”

Behind her Solan blinked in bewilderment. They walked down the immaculately paved roads until it curved into a dramatic turn and Rose detoured into the tree line as promised. Once they disappeared into the forest she was completely unaware of the shadowy form of a silent Knight of Ren who watched her exit the party into the wilderness. She couldn’t see him follow her movement into the dark, but she also couldn’t see that, oddly enough, he turned and slowly walked back towards the bright lights of the party. 

Meanwhile, Rose led them a little deeper into the woods before turning towards the man. 

“I’m Rose. No, I don’t have time to explain. I’m sorry you have to walk through the woods with those on,” she gestured to his handcuffs, “but if it makes you feel better, I have to walk in this.” She gestured down at her dress and heels.

She turned back around but he spoke up behind her, “I don’t mean to startle you but… there are two hooded figures following us.”

She let out a breathy laugh, “That’s my backup.” She cast a glance at the smaller figure lurking to her right and rolled her eyes. “Let’s go.”

They picked their way through dense forest for what seemed like hours. The moon was now high in the sky and Rose was getting impossibly agitated. In the dark, quiet walk she reflected upon the things she had seen and heard. It was worse than she had thought it would be. It seemed that half of the galaxy had lost their humanity completely, it was sickening the way they talked about other people like they were animals. 

Eventually they neared the clearing where the huge cargo ship was parked. Keezba had recovered something less flashy and much larger for them to travel in. Although it was only parked there to make the walk shorter, they would be returning to Keezba’s mansion until they could take to the skies once more. 

As they broke through the clearing Solan looked in awe at the ship in front of them before turning his attention to the two hooded figures whom had also stepped into the open space. They removed their hoods and Solan saw the faces of the tall man and the woman by his side. They walked briskly towards them and Solan fought back the urge to cower back as the hulking man got within reach and reached out his left hand. But it simply hovered over the conjunction of the cuffs and Solan took note of a gold band around his finger as the cuffs popped off. The man caught them as they fell and held them out to the woman.

She grimaced, “Force suppression.” She spoke in a soft accented voice. She looked at Rose, “We should get going.”

Rose nodded and they walked in silence to the ship where the ramp was lowered and a dim glow shone out onto the grass. 

They walked into a wide circular storage room filled with boxes, and on those boxes were three other people. 

Rose turned to him, “These are my friends.”

“Who are you?” He responded warily.

The older woman directly in front of him spoke first, “My name is Leia Organa, we’re with the Resistance.”

A kind looking dark-skinned man spoke next, “Finn.” 

The man next to him waved stiffly, “Poe Dameron.”

The small woman spoke up next, “Rey Solo.” She said softly, looking up at her partner who shrugged her closer and smirked.

“Ben Solo.” He introduced himself.

Rose smiled at the young couple and then turned to him, “And you already know me, I’m Rose Tico. Now it’s your turn.”

Solan paused nervously before clearing his throat, “Uhh, Solan. My name’s Solan.”

“Where are you from, Solan?” The woman named Leia asked kindly.

“Pantora. The village of Gohen. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, what is this ‘Resistance’?”

“We’re a lovely gathering of folks gunning to take down the First Order.” Poe said with a grin.

“First Order?”

Poe raised his eyebrow, “You… do you know what the First Order is?”

Solan shook his head.

“Hey Ben, do you want to handle this one?”

Ben glowered, “Not particularly so.”

Rey slipped off her cloak and discarded it on a nearby box, stepping forward a little bit, “The First Order is a powerful regime. It’s led by Hux, a corrupt bastard with a penchant for power.”

Solan zeroed in on the rows and rows of scars across her upper arm. He cocked his head, “What happened to your arm?” He questioned.

Her partner’s eyes grew murderous to the point that Solan took a small step back and the hulking man began to clench and unclench his fists.

Rey placed a hand on his chest and gave Solan a solemn look, “I was captured by the First Order. Hux is a terrible man. That’s where the Resistance comes in.” She stepped back to Ben Solo’s side and they looked at each other in an odd and private way, as if they were partaking in a silent conversation.

“I hope you aren’t too angry for the way we… extracted you.” Leia said.

Solan shook his head, “I’m just not sure what they wanted with me.”

Poe looked serious, “We call you Force sensitives, and you can do… things. I’m sure these two can explain it a lot better.” He nodded towards the couple. “Ben and Rey will teach you.”

Solan looked back at them, “You are also these ‘Force sensitives’?”

“You haven’t heard of either of them?” Rose asked curiously

“No…”

“Never heard the name Kylo Ren?”

No. Never, why?”

Poe burst out laughing and pointed at Ben, “Aha! That’s why he hasn’t thrown anything at you yet!”

Solan glaced at Ben, “You changed your name?”

Poe roared again, “He was trying to impress a girl.”

Ben opened his mouth and then snapped it shut and shrugged, “That’s… not wrong.” This earned chuckles from the everyone in the small group.

Rey snorted, “It’s a really long story for another time. We need to get back to Keezba’s.”

They all made their way up a ladder into the open cockpit where Poe and Finn sat in the front and began the liftoff sequence. 

Solan hovered near the ladder and looked back and forth from person to person, trying to make his own conclusions about his new acquaintances. 

Rose seemed serious now, but he supposed that she was probably just tired. Finn was kind and confortable to be around, and he seemed to stick around the pilot. The pilot, Poe, had a confident air and practically oozed charisma. Leia spoke gently but something about her intimidated him greatly, she demanded respect just by existing. The couple was an entirely different story. He wasn’t exactly scared of them, but he was intimidated in an entirely different way. He could actually feel power buzzing between them, and it was almost as if they were conjoined. The man, Ben, was incredibly tall and quite frightening looking. His face looked gravely serious most of the time, but Solan had noticed the way his demeanor changed when his partner was near. She walked across the cockpit to say something quietly to the pilot, but Ben’s eyes watched her with a soft intensity, almost as if she could just vanish any second. Rey returned to stand in front of Ben and he crossed a protective arm across her chest. She gently grasped his forearm and Solan saw that on her finger was a similar elegant gold band. Spouses?

The ride seemed to last forever, until finally a large house came into view and they landed in the large grassy expanse in front of it. It felt strange to be walking with complete strangers into another stranger’s home, it had been a very jarring few days. 

As they stepped into a large and girlishly decorating entryway, a small elder woman ghosted down the stairs in a flourish of blush colored robes.

“You’re safe! I’m so pleased.” She clasped her hands in front of her and then met eyes with Solan, “Oh! And this must be our newest friend. Keezba Collins at your service, welcome to my humble abode!” She sung, shooing them all into a wide furnished room with plush couches gathered around a cozy fireplace. Solan welcomed the heat gratefully seeing as they had been in the cold for a while now: the rest of the group didn’t seem to mind. 

As they began to settle in Keezba spoke up again, “Ladies, if you will.” And the girls quickly followed her out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Solan with Poe, Finn, and Ben. 

“Don’t look so sad Ben, she’ll come back for you.” Finn teased. 

Ben snarled and Solan cringed, but the other two men seemed unfazed.

Solan gulped, “She is your… spouse?” He asked.

To his surprise the large man’s eyes softened, “Almost.”

“They’re recently engaged.” Finn clarified. 

Solan relaxed a little and smiled, “How did you meet?”

He heard Poe suck in a breath through his teeth, “Now that’s quite a story.”

Ben took a deep breath and leaned back, gazing into the fire. And to Solan’s surprise he began to speak, “I was a soldier in the First Order, an apprentice of the Supreme Leader. Rey had important information and I met her when I was sent to… kidnap her.” He finished awkwardly. 

Poe chucked, “And they say romance is dead.”

Ben continued, “She escaped of course, and I chased her. And then she nearly cut my head in half.” He touched the scar along his face with a nostalgic smile on his face, “We met again; accidently bonded by the Force. For some odd reason she saw something in me that was worth saving. I asked her to join me and she, once again, nearly killed me. I killed my Master and became Supreme Leader, but for three years I tried to find her again. Hux overthrew me and publicly executed me. Somehow I lived. That’s when Rey found me and we went into hiding for months. I’m a terrible man, she’s forgiven me for quite a lot.”

“You forgot to tell him about Ahch-To.” A feminine accented voice joked from the doorway and all the men whipped their head around to see Rey dressed in a robe with a playful smirk on her face. “Ready for bed?” She asked, leaning against the doorframe. Ben stood and Solan saw that intensity once again, as if he was seeing her for the first time. For some strange reason a lump formed in his throat.

Ben uncharacteristically jumped over the back of the couch and cleared the space between them in only a few steps, scooping her up as if she weighed nothing and jogging up the stairs with her in his arms. They could hear her laughter until they disappeared into one of the many bedrooms. 

“Oh God, he’s growing on me.” Poe groaned, huffing as he slouched back into the chair.

Finn threw his head back and laughed, “You didn’t know Ben when he was still Kylo Ren but he was pretty much the worst.”

“And now he’s marrying our best friend.” Poe groaned.

Finn’s voice softened a little, “Is it weird that I’m a little excited about it? He’s a whole different person now that the space sea slug is dead. I try not to ask what that’s all about.”

“What do you mean?” Solan asked.

“Rey doesn’t like to talk about it, but Ben’s ‘Master’ was a sick bastard. I don’t think you get that fucked up without going through some real shit.”

Finn looked at Solan’s confused expression and gave Poe an exasperated look, “What he means is it sounds like Ben was tortured, like seriously messed up.” He said quietly.

“What about the woman? Rey?”

“Rey grew up alone in a desert, her parents abandoned her. I met her after I defected from the First Order too. We all just kind of got caught up in all of this by chance. Oh, by the way Leia is Ben’s mom, I just thought you should know that. It’s important information. Oh also, Ben looks scary but Rey is a tiny can of whoop-ass. Obviously because she can take down Ben herself.”

Solan snorted, “Noted.”

“Whelp,” Poe patted Finn’s knee and stood up, “It’s time to get some shut eye.”

They all rose from their chairs but before anyone could take a step they heard voices and then the gut-wrenching sound of someone ramming down the door.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to be in a very... particular mindset to write this and it was quite challenging. I hope it has the effect on you guys that it had on me.
> 
> ***Creep(Cover) by Kina Grannis***

Rey and Kylo were both jerked straight out of bed by the large bang that echoed from outside. It didn’t take them but a minute to summon their lightsabers and charge out into the hallway.

Immediately, as they stepped out onto the stairs, a burly looking man was ready for their arrival. He let off a round of blaster shots and nobody had time to react when two stray bolts ripped into Ben’s abdomen.

“Ben!” Rey scream, falling to her knees among the heavy fire and fearfully assessing the wound; there were two bloody holes in his tunic and the blood was already blossoming across the white fabric. He hissed and put pressure on the wound in a fruitless effort to stop the bleeding.

At the sound of Rey’s scream, Poe, Finn, and Solan all whipped around just in time to see Ben fall and Rey hover over him desperately. When she finally straightened they could practically feel the anger rolling off of her, but apparently Ben’s assailant could not. He charged straight at them with his weapon raised, aiming for Ben’s head this time in an effort to finish him off. But before he could get any closer he stopped in midair, completely frozen. Rey was standing above Ben with her hand outstretched towards the man, slowly stepping down the stairs towards him with venom in her eyes. The big man began to tremble like a child, looking like a toy in an invisible giants’ fist. The house had grown silent, even Rose, Leia, and Keezba had paused at the top of the stairs at the sight below: Rey in nothing but a silken black robe, descending the stairs towards the whimpering man like a phantom.

“Go help him.” She said evenly, never letting her eyes leave her prey.

Her three friend in the entry way moved to run past her and up the stairs but the other two attackers still had the courage to block their way and then pivot towards Rey with their weapons trained at her head.

“Rey…” Ben growled in warning from his place on the steps. But she didn’t seem to hear him as she closed her fist and snapped the large man’s neck like a twig.

In the few short hours that Solan had known Rey he had only seen her be gentle and witty, but now he was genuinely afraid for the other attackers, who were quaking under the gaze of death personified. Poe had sold her short when he had called her “a tiny can of whoop-ass”. Rey alone was a force to be reckoned with, he could only imagine how she fought with her partner beside her. 

“Oh for the love of… I hate it when she does that.” Poe cringed. He assessed the scene in front of him, “She’s got it. Solan, you and I are going to get Ben onto the ship. Finn go get our shit, we need to get the hell out of here. Go!”

They slipped past Rey’s lightsaber, which she had ignited and was twirling menacingly with a distant look in her eyes.

Ben sat up slightly and let out a deep breath as the two men secured themselves under his shoulders and lifted him. The blood was dripping through his fingers and onto the marble. Meanwhile, the air crackled around Rey and Ben’s eyes strayed from his injury to his fiancée. He remained enraptured as they helped him past her; he had never seen her PLAY with her victims’ fear. It was such a… Kylo Ren thing to do. 

Then Ben did something he never thought he would do- he pulled her back from the dark. “It’s time to go, little scavenger.” He breathed, before Poe and Solan continued to hustle him out towards the back door and into the grassy field.

Leia had already gathered Rey and Ben’s things as well as her own and now she just watched as Rey stiffened at something that Ben had said as he struggled past her. In a quick and merciful movement she unlocked her two lightsabers and simultaneously killed both gunmen with an abrupt stab to the heart. Without hesitation, Leia hurried down to her and put an arm around her, briskly leading Rey out towards to ship as well.

Rose paused by the door and looked back at Keezba, “Wait, what about you? They’re going to come back.”

The small woman patted Rose’s cheek affectionately, “Let them. Take care of yourself, darling. Long live the Resistance.” 

Rose’s chest tightened, “Thank you.” She breathed, before turning tail and sprinting after her friends.

Meanwhile one the ship, Poe was insanely disturbed at seeing Ben in this state. He was Kylo Ren, he seemed invincible and that’s what made him so terrifying. It was a grave reminder that he was just a man and he bled the same blood as everyone else. It also brought into focus the fact that Ben and Rey were powerful but not all-powerful. They could still get hurt, and they could still die in battle like any other soldier.

He was massive, and Poe and Solan barely made it to the cockpit before they had to set him down. Now he sat propped up painfully against the wall, pulling in strained breaths through his nose. His eyes started to flutter from what must have been blood loss and Poe began to panick. One of the most powerful men in the galaxy was bleeding out right in front of him.

“Come on, Solo. I’m going to be pissed if you die on me. You have a wedding to plan.” Poe grunted as he and Solan struggled to rip off his tunic. 

Ben let out a strangled chuckle, “She wont let me plan it.”

“Ahh, that’s it buddy. Keep talking. What happened to Rey back there?”

He sucked in a breath, “She got angry. Sometimes she slips too far into the dark.”

“And what? You talked her out of it?”

“No. She… she started using darkness from my side. I just took it back.” He hissed as Solan lowered him to lie on his back.

Just then Rey scrambled up the halt and skidded to Ben’s side, nearly knocking Poe to the floor.

She hovered over him and frantically brushed the sweat soaked strands of hair from his forehead. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please look at me.”

She placed her hand over his abdomen and summoned her healing energy but…

“I… It’s not working,” she snapped her head up at Leia, “It’s not working. The bolt burned through tissue… I can’t fix something that isn’t there.” She sobbed tears ran down her cheeks. She persisted, trying time and time again to be stronger, to work harder.

Ben brushed her cheek with a bloody hand. She turned her head to look at her partner. His eyes were gentle but then he turned his head to the side and looked at Finn and Poe, “Get the cuffs.”

“Wha… Ben NO!” Rey screamed, but both men were on her in seconds, holding her back and slamming the Force-supression cuffs around her wrists.

She launched herself against Poe’s arms, who was holding her tight from behind and struggling to keep her there. She was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the other side of the cockpit, leaving Solan alone kneeling in the blood of a dying man.

He stared wide-eyed in shock at the bleeding wounds and struggled to catch his breath. The scene in front of him was horribly tragic, like that of some fictional tales woven by the housewives in Gohen. But what really stopped his heart were Rey’s screams and the tears that streamed down her face. He looked up at her as she fought and something deep within him clicked. ‘I can’t fix something that isn’t there.’ 

Solan could freeze snowflakes, and grow crops. He could… build anything living. Leaves and stems and flowers, nothing but cells. Tissue and bone… nothing but cells. ‘I can’t heal something that isn’t there.’ But what if the pieces WERE there.

Solan’s hand moved like it wasn’t even attached to him, as if it had a mind of it’s own that had made a decision that his brain hadn’t quite put together. But his heart and soul could feel it: the living and the dead, the energy that tied them all together. The moving pieces that made up everything that existed. The world clarified in his eyes, he could see the blood, and the skin and the exposed tissue. It was simultaneously the simplest and the most complex thing in the world.

His hand hovered over the two wounds and he could FEEL. He could feel a weakening heartbeat, the blood loss, and singed cells and holes that needed fixing. His body knew what to do, he could see in his minds’ eye the muscles and walls that needed repairing, and cell by cell he urged them: nurturing, life, regrowth. One fixed organ, and then another, muscle tissue stretching back to meet in the middle and blood vessels refilling their dying capillaries, a renewed flush in a face that had turned an ashen color, and a heart that heaved a heavy sigh with a new supply of blood to beat with. He tended to charred nerve endings, and finally the two blackened holes in his skin. He blinked as the skin stitched back together and reality came rushing back to him as if he was waking from a dream. 

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop, and Solan looked up from his work to meet Rey’s wide-eyes. “He… will definitely need a nap. Or two.”

She tore out of Poe’s grip, which had loosened significantly in shock, and rushed back to Ben’s side handcuffs and all. She scanned his body frantically, finding… nothing wrong except for the blood that still covered his bare torso. She sniffed and looked up at Solan with red-eyes, “I don’t… Thank you.” She breathed.

“I… fuck, I’m going to go get a lock pick.” Poe said from the back of the room. He rushed back to Rey with a thin piece of metal, which she used to make easy work of the cuffs around her wrists. 

When her hands were free she leaned over him, brushing his hair back from his forehead and then placing a ring-adorned hand on his cheek. Leia quietly knelt beside her and both women were so still that everyone else in the room was almost afraid to breath in the fear that they would disrupt this moment. There were three people in that cockpit who nearly couldn’t believe that they were genuinely happy that Kylo Ren was alive. 

Rey sat back on her heels, holding Leia’s hand with one hand and resting the other on Ben’s chest. She withdrew her hands and wiped her face, “Can someone help me get him into a room?” She asked, her voice still wavering a little.”

“Yeah, we got it.” Poe said, patting Finn on the back. They both groaned as they lifted him, each man underneath one massive arm. Not only was he tall, he was deceivingly heavy.

Rey picked up their respective bags and followed the slow procession to the room, suddenly feeling very, very tired.

Poe and Finn laid him out on the bed with some difficulty and Rey came to sit on the edge near his waist. They looked at her warily, not exactly sure what to say to their friend. Poe felt a crushing amount of guilt. How would Rey ever forgive him for restraining her while her fiancé was dying on the floor? Would their friendship ever be the same?

Rey could feel his tension and she looked up at him and smiled sadly, “I’m not mad at you, either of you.”

Poe let out the breath that he had been holding in for what seemed like forever, “I’m just… I’m sorry, Rey.”

She sighed and ran her fingers through Ben’s dark locks, which were now drying in loose curls, “He has no idea that it probably would have killed me anyway. One can die from losing the will to live.” She said softly, more to herself than anyone else.

There was a soft knock at the door and Leia stepped in with towels and a small bucket full of water, “I thought you would need these to clean up.” She looked at Rey and the two boys, all covered in blood and she nodded, “We all need to clean up.” Leia walked over to Rey and kissed her forehead, “Get some rest, you need it more than anyone.”

And with that she ushered the boys out of the room and closed the door, leaving Rey alone with Ben, who was still deeply unconscious. She dipped a towel in the warm water and began to wipe away the blood from his stomach and chest occasionally wiping away a stray tear with the back of her hand. When he was clean she painstakingly worked off his trousers while trying not to wake him, replacing them with loose grey sweatpants. With her hand on his heart she let herself cry like a small child, lip wobbling and eyes squeezed shut. She sat there until she had no more tears left to cry, which felt like forever. She felt the ship lurch into the sky and jump to hyperspeed. Rey wasn’t exactly sure where they would go but at the moment she didn’t care. She comforted herself with the steady beating of his heart.

The dark and quiet gave Rey time to think. She wondered what she would have done if he HAD died and she lived on. For the most part she assumed that if they went down then they would go down together, but after this she wondered if she could ever live without him now, but deep down she knew she couldn’t. Rey wished she could say that she would live for him; she didn’t think she could handle the loss, the emptiness in her mind where he used to be. Just thinking about it was enough to drive her insane. The events of that day reiterated Keezba’s story about her late fiancée. If Rey wasn’t sure about marriage before, she certainly was now.

It was hours and hours before she felt him stir in her mind. His eye’s fluttered and Rey sighed with relief, having somewhat convinced herself that the damage was too extensive and he wouldn’t make up.

When his eyes opened she placed a hand on his cheek, which he covered with his own, weaving their fingers together. His touch made her heart skip a beat and Rey held her breath.

“Mmm.” He mumbled, closing his eyes again and pressing her hand closer to his face, 

“Don’t you EVER scare me like that again.” She scolded him, but the crack in her voice betrayed the fear and pain that still plagued her.

“Yes ma’am.” He murmured while kissing her palm and gazing at her with those heartbreak eyes. 

“I… I couldn’t….” 

Ben sat up straight and tangled his hand in her tangled auburn waves, interrupting her stumbling sentence with his lips passionately coaxing hers. He couldn’t wait one more second. He kissed her slowly like a low smoldering fire until they were both breathless, before leaning his forehead against hers.

Rey pulled away suddenly, “Also, I DID NOT like that stunt you pulled with the handcuffs.”

He stroked her cheek with his thumb, “I know, but I’d do it again.”

Rey looked appalled, “Ben!” She gasped.

“They need you. You don’t deserve to die because of me. Besides, it would have crippled the Resistance if they lost you.” He reasoned with her.

She sighed, knowing when to pick her battles, “I lost control… I’m sorry that you had to worry about that in your state.”

Ben blushed, “I don’t know, it was a welcome distraction. I mean, I thought it was kind of… hot?”

Rey quirked one delicate eyebrow, “Hot?”

He slipped his hand under her tunic and hooked it around her waist, pulling her back on top of his bare chest, “Made me want to… marry you.” He whispered, before capturing her lips once more.

 

“What took you so long, Gale? You’ve been outside for aaages.” The slender blonde drawled, sidling up next to him with every ill intention in the galaxy. He knew her type, she used people like playthings and wore narcissism like a fancy perfume. Everything about her physique was alluring, but her good qualities were only skin deep. She prowled every party looking for power in all the wrong places. She used her body like a weapon, and she got most everything she wanted.

The auction was winding to a close, which was good news because he hated these functions and hated attending them even more. Every man and woman in here sucked up to him in an effort to, by some off chance, win the favor of the supreme leader himself. They were shit out of luck. When he reported to Hux in a few minutes, he certainly would not mention a single person here. He would only curtly affirm that the auction had gone smoothly, and his job for tonight would be finished. At least until Hux paged him to run other ridiculous errands as if he were the paperboy. 

Just then his com beeped and he sighed, duty calls. He brushed past the blonde and he heard her scoff behind him. He could almost see her stomping her foot like a child and pouting like one too. Even so, Gods know that he would rather be knee deep in the pool of petty socialites than report back to the Supreme Leader. Hux was a unique kind of asshole, one who kept you up at night wondering how such a sniveling ball of anger could have possibly risen through the ranks. But there he was nonetheless, sipping fancy champagne while he signed documents that burned cities and killed innocents. In fact, nobody was actually sure what his game plan was. If he kept going like this he would have nobody left to rule. 

Gale slipped into a quiet room, away from the buzzing of conversation and laughter. He placed the com on the center table and stood back, straightening his spine and folding his arms politely like the ‘good soldier’ he was. Almost immediately, Hux’s dissatisfied looking face projected from the com like a pissed off phantom. 

“Gale Ren, I trust everything is going as planned.” He said curtly. Hix never asked questions, he simply made statements and forced you to disappoint him when he was wrong. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“How many items were sold tonight?”

Gale cringed at the word ‘things’ referring to leaving, breathing, people, “Thirty-five, sir.”

Hux actually looked pleased, “Ah, excellent. Nothing out of the ordinary, I presume?”

This was his chance, this was where he would tell the Supreme Leader about the strange girl and her unusual antics and the way she had disappeared into the thicket with her winnings. Hux would twist his lips suspiciously and there would be a thorough investigation. Undoubtedly, she would be captured within days. 

“No, Supreme Leader. Everything went just as expected.”

Hux let a greasy looking smile spread across his face, “Very well, you’re dismissed.” And just like that he was gone and Gale was left alone with the weight of what he had done.

He had lied, blatantly lied to the Supreme Leader of the First Order. There were at least 200 people in this building alone who could sell him out and put his head on a pike. Why? Why had he done it? Why had he lied about her? Now he was eventually going to be compromised and for what? For some mysterious woman that clearly wanted nothing to do with him. But that was it, wasn’t it? There was such an appeal to the one who DIDN’T want anything to do with him. Their interaction was harsh and awkward, she had been a bitchy little spitfire for no apparent reason and a sick part of him got off on it. He longed for a chase, like any other royal douchebag who considered himself irresistible. Gale’s self hatred was something he made light of; he was walking, talking satire.

He would never see her again in his life. He had done an impulsive, idiotic thing for a woman who was probably just here to commit fraid or maybe steal something. Who knows? But it didn’t matter. She was gone, he was here, and the only thing that had changed was perhaps his lifespan.

That’s the thing about loving the chase; when they leave they don’t come back.

Gale slammed his fist on the table and bit his cheek before walking out of the room and making his leave. With him he took a bottle of hard liquor, a heartless blonde bombshell, and twenty different regrets.


End file.
